Zero Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I've been trying to figure out what makes some people think the way they do and figure out if I should be upset or if I should be happy I no longer have to deal with it. Basically I've dated this girl for over 2 years. The past few months we have gone through various stages of NC but I think this time we're done. I realize that a lengthy relationship like that will take time to heal but I have to know if I'm upset over a lot of things for no reason. I am by no means perfect but I really wonder what goes through some people's heads. There were hurdles to begin with in the relationship because she had a child when she was 19 and daddy has been in and out of jail. It seems though that she used her child as pretty much an excuse for everything. It was her excuse to get me to pay for everything all the time and arrange my schedule around her. Of course I can't type out everything but here is an example of what I've been dealing with for pretty much the entire relationship: I had my birthday recently and she wanted to take me out and buy me dinner and get some drinks. Said she would be here about 1pm. Well, one o'clock comes and goes and I call to see where she's at. I finally get in touch with her at 3 and she tells me she'll be here at 4. Five o'clock rolls around and she finally gets here but she doesn't quite understand why I'm just a little upset. Instead of apologizing she comes up with the following: 1.) She had to clean that morning, which put her behind. 2.) She had her cell phone on silent so she didnt hear me call. 3.) Her cell phone finally died. 4.) She got talking to the babysitter and lost track of time. Now, this isnt an isolated incident and stuff like this happens quite frequently, but somehow she always seems to make me out to be the bad guy because I expect for someone to pick up a phone and call when they are going to show up 4 hours later than what they said they would. We went out to dinner anyway, but she stiffed me on the bill. Needless to say it didn't go over well. My question is, what makes people act this way and think that its acceptable? Am I overreacting? I would love for someone to be able to explain this to me.
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Instead of apologizing she comes up with the following: 1.) She had to clean that morning, which put her behind. 2.) She had her cell phone on silent so she didnt hear me call. 3.) Her cell phone finally died. 4.) She got talking to the babysitter and lost track of time. Now, this isnt an isolated incident and stuff like this happens quite frequently.......... I'm surprised you lasted 2 years! She sounds very high-maintenance & selfish. Either that or she's just not all that bothered about you to make the effort but likes having you around anyway. I've been trying to figure out what makes some people think the way they do and figure out if I should be upset or if I should be happy I no longer have to deal with it. I think you should be happy you no longer have to deal with it. We can never really know what is going on in other peoples heads. You can only listen to their words, observe their behaviour & see how it all makes you feel.
JayKay Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 [b"]It was her excuse to get me to pay for everything all the time and arrange my schedule around her."[/b] So right from the beginning, you already suspected her of being a user? And she sounds like she still is. Showing up 4 hours late for someone's birthday is beyond rude (especially without calling earlier to explain herself). She is self-centered and boorish. I wouldn't accept this behavior for a minute longer.
Author Zero Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 I'm surprised you lasted 2 years! Well, unfortunately I don't think we can choose who we love. She sounds very high-maintenance & selfish. Either that or she's just not all that bothered about you to make the effort but likes having you around anyway. It almost seems that way to me too. In my experiences people usually realize what they are doing isn't right or they are willing to change it once brought to their attention. But I honestly believe that she doesn't think anything is wrong with this sort of thing or just cannot grasp the concept, that is probably why it bothers me so much. Im really more dumbfounded than anything else.
alphamale Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 My question is, what makes people act this way and think that its acceptable? she's acting this way because you are letting her get away with it. you are too nice and she's totally taking advantage of you. she likes men who treat her like krap and the telltale sign is that her kid's father is in prison. sorry ZERO but this woman basically used and abused you for 2 years and now has dumped you.
Craig Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 It's not acceptable behavior in my book and you can decide not to fall in love with someone. It really is a choice to some extent. It's time to have a look at your boundaries. What kind of behavior you will accept or not accept and in future relationships don't waste your time with someone that doesn't respect your boundaries.
Roo-bie2 Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 I think people that are that always run late and make escuses are selfish. They always put themselves first and don't think how it effects others. Of course **** happens and people run behind from time to time but consistantly is a clue to selfishness. As long as you let her treat you that way she will.
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