Hitch Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I recently got dumped by my girlfriend of almost 9 months. She said that she feels that sometimes we don't connect but most of the time we do. I'm 39 and she's 28. In the beginning we hit it off well. Within the 1st month she told me that she loved me. I thought that was a little to soon. She said that she felt that she had a future with me. I still thought it was too soon. Throughout the relationship we travelled together and generally had a lot of fun. We didn't argue but i couldn't get over as to how moody she was. Throughout the relationship she would say to me that sometimes she feels that we do not connect and when i suggested we end the relationship she didn't want to. I forgot to mention that when i met her she was about 2 and 1/2 months out of an abusive relationship whereby her ex cheated on her constantly and manipulated her and was abusive to her. When we started dating, i asked her if she was over her ex. She told me she was cause she wasn't happy for the past 2 years. Because we started seeing each other quite a bit, I told her that i didn't want to be a rebound and that if she wasn't ready for anything, then I would step back. She said she was totally over him and was so thrilled to be with me. At 3 months, she said she needed a break because she had to sort out her feelings. I didn't contact her for about 6 days and then I get a call from her and she wants me to call her back. She wanted to give our relationship another shot. Things went well, she told me she loved me but for the past month and a half, she was always moody, critical of me, judgemental and mean. I thought she might have been trying to provoke me to break up with her but that wasn't the case. She is Extremely Moody. Up and down like a yo yo. In fact I have hardly ever seen her smile. She is so critical that she criticizes everything about me. Even her father warned me that she is Moody. towards the end it felt like she hated me. I was always kind, considerate, and treated her like a queen. So unlike her last boyfriend. When we were breaking up, she wanted to remain friends. I told her that I didn't want to. She then went away on vacation with her family for christmas and she called me a couple of times and text messaged me and told me that she was thinking about me a lot and that she missed me. She ended her text messages with xo. Recently we agreed to meet and she said that she somtimes feels that she'd like to get back together but she is not sure. I told her I missed her and that if we got back a lot of things had to change. I told her that her judging and criticisms had to stop. She then went off in a tangent and got angry with me and she was being a real b@#$h. She leaned over gave me a kiss on the lips and said lets talk again in a few days and then got out of my car. I have never been treated like this by anyone. Am I CRAZY THAT I STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER AND THOUGHT ABOUT TRYING TO RECONCILE??? My friends told me to tell her to stop calling me! What should I do? Any advice? Please help!!!
Art_Critic Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Take your friends advice.. the advice is good.. She will continue to hurt you.. People that love you don't play games like she is doing with you
Lonestar Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 You can do better. Break away from her and move on with your life. I know it hurts, but staying with her will only cause you more pain.
Author Hitch Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 Take your friends advice.. the advice is good.. She will continue to hurt you.. People that love you don't play games like she is doing with you Thanks for your advice. you are right. as hard as it is, i'll have to stick to my guns.
UT_longhorn Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 yes. when her father even gives you warnings, you know its not a good sign. and think this way. its been less than a year, think if things got serious and when the "hard" times come. how much worse it might be.
Shattered Heart Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 It sounds to me like you have your hands full with this one. I can relate because I’m in a similar, but not exact, situation with my ex. I do know this. Infatuation is the first phase of a relationship and lasts about 6 to 9 months. In this phase, both of you should be on a cloud, and any problems or troubles in the relationship during this time should be minimal, assuming you’re both in love with one another. It’s usually after this time where the true existence and future of a couple is tested. However, you mention that your problems started only after a month’s time, which is way too soon for any problems to arise, if there is to be a happy future together. Bear this in mind though. She is who she is, and probably won’t ever change. So her criticism, judging, moodiness, meanness, and everything else about her that bothers you, will probably most likely be things you will have to endure if you want to be with her, especially being how she reacted when you communicated your feelings to her regarding how she was treating you. And you’re not crazy for still having feelings for her and wanting to make up. Look at it this way. Everything she’s doing to you is nothing compared to what her ex did to her, yet one would wonder how she could possibly still have feelings for someone who cheated on her, was manipulative, and abusive to her. But love is a crazy thing, which I’m also finding out. It sounds like she has a lot of feelings to sort out. So, basically, the best thing you can do for now is give her some space, don’t go out of your way to contact her, and only reply with positive comments if she initiates contact with you. And you don’t have to reply to her every message either. You don’t owe her anything.
Author Hitch Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Thanks for taking the time to respond. I wish I had reviewed my messages today as I called her before reviewing them. She was quite polite on the phone but somewhat impersonal. She didn't want to get into talking but, she said to me that she would call me in a few days. Not to mention that when I called she said she was thinking of me and was going to call me. So, I asked her "you don't want to talk". She said no because she was rushing to get ready to attend a fitness class. So, I said I just wanted to call to see where we stand because that's what we were supposed to talk about since we met last. She then said that she would call me tomorrow. Sounds as if she's blowing me off and if I was Smart, I won't answer her call.
gfto Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Your friends are right. Cut off contact with her. She's not that interested in you. In fact, when she told you she needed a break at the three month mark, that was the ballgame. You should've pulled the plug on it right then and there.
Author Hitch Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Thank you. I am thinking the same thing. I should not have given her a second chance. I must be stupid to think that a 3rd chance is going to change things!
Shattered Heart Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 You're welcome. And yes, if you were smart, you wouldn't answer her calls. If anything, it will build up the mystery and suspense, and make her wonder why you're NOT answering her calls, since you've always been so receptive in your responses up until this point. It's weird how this works, but if you think of it as a constant struggle of "push and pull", you'll have a better understanding of how "the game" is played. The more you go out of your way to contact her (your pushing), the more she will back away and show disinterest (her pulling). The only way for her to stop pulling and reverse her direction (assuming she still has an interest), is to pretend like you're not interested anymore. Like I said before, DON'T contact her, and only answer her when you're good and ready. And when you do, keep it short and sweet. No hours long conversations. You can even go as far as to sometimes answer her and tell her that you really can't talk because you're busy (even though you're not), but she doesn't have to know that. Then tell her you'll talk to her soon, and HANG UP. The trick is to constantly keep her guessing. If you appear like you'll always be at her every beck and call, she may never redevelop her feelings for you, and at best, you MAY become "just friends". Listen, she needs time to sort stuff out anyway. I hate to sound cliche here, but if it's meant to be, she'll come back to you. But only if you stop being so damn available to her I'm in a similar painful situation as yours, and I posted a thread yesterday. Maybe you can check it out and shed some light on my situation. Thanks.
Author Hitch Posted January 25, 2006 Author Posted January 25, 2006 she didn't call me today. i know why. she doesn't know what to say to me. she wants to keep me hanging. i know her well. how can her feelings change so much within 1 week. one minute she was telling me that she misses me and then not calling me??? I am not going to call her. she will call but I have had it with her. she doesn't deserve me. let her go out with some other guy and torment his heart, not mine.
pippen_2k Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Its nothing unusual dude, ask anyone here... They never call lol
gfto Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 she didn't call me today. i know why. she doesn't know what to say to me. she wants to keep me hanging. wrong. She didn't call you because she couldn't care less about you! She's not interested in you anymore. 1
UT_longhorn Posted January 25, 2006 Posted January 25, 2006 Hitch. I will tell you this right now. And this is from my experience as well as from the experience of others....DO NOT TALK TO HER ANYMORE!!! She is trying to make herself feel less guilty by giving you scraps as she moves forward. Shes not moving torward you..shes moving away. I guarantee it. And the fact that you keep speaking with her is making it easier on her. Go into strict no contact man. I broke no contact and my world of pain has just returned. Believe me and others when they say its like going back to day one. Cause its just like that. Be forewarned...to avoid more pain....you have to tell her...do not call me or contact me and stick with NC!!!!!!!!!!
Author Hitch Posted January 26, 2006 Author Posted January 26, 2006 She called me and left a message for me to call her tonight or tomorrow. she sounded a bit distant and cold in her message. i was tempted to call her and so i dialed and when no one picked up, i hung up. thank god. cause i don't need to talk to her anymore. it's done. for my own self respect and dignity, i don't need to talk to her. what's there to talk about? do i really need to hear how she thinks that we are not meant to be? no!!! i don't want to be with someone like her...............thank god my number comes up on caller id!!! she may suspect i called but as long as i don't call her again she may have her doubts. i am trying to heal and i don't want to rehash the past again. she doesn't deserve a guy like me.
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