consumed Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 It's been 3 months now and I'm still getting those up and down days, more down days recently then ever. This morning I woke up and the sun was shining through my window. Thought's of her started pouring into my head, and I started feelnig really down. It felt like a mid July day with the sun the way it was, got me thinking what if I wake up like this in 6 months and still feel the same way? What if I wake up and she's still not beside me? I'm dreaming of her almost every night.
notmakingsense Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Hang in there Consumed. I'm at 2 months, and pretty much feel the same way. Still many down days. I don't know if this applies to you, but in my case, because of location/circumstances -- I don't have a lot of friends or activities to get me back out there and occupied. This prolongs things. I think your best bet is to try to get "consumed" with other things to take your mind off of her.
Author consumed Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 Thx for the reply. I know what you mean notmakingsense, but it's hard. Most of the hobbies I use to have or things I liked doing, places I wanted to go don't seemed to hold as much light as they once use to. Even when I am doing things to take her off my mind, I find myself only thinking and wishing she was there doing those things with me.
notmakingsense Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 That's ironic isn't it? I feel the same way... Like when I'm having a really good time doing something, I immediately start thinking -- "boy, I wish she were here enjoying things with me" -- then I get depressed again and stop having a good time. However, keep at it. Eventually you will think of her less-and-less, and your mind will open itself up to being occupied by other things and other people. If you don't go out and do things, you are pretty much guaranteeing that your mind will think of little else than her.
Author consumed Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 That is pretty much how I think most day's, I start doing something only to wish she was there with me. Then my mind just loses all interest and I start feeling really down again. When I was with her I had wanted to visit so many places, even some on my own because she didn't want to go. Now I couldn't care less if I went to those places. I guess in the future I'll probably want to still go, but right now she occupies my mind and I can't seem to stop thinking about her. I miss her so much. I try and keep myself busy at work and that does help a little but it still hurts alot. I talk to her online sometimes, I know that isn't a good thing but I find I need to talk to her. I need hope that maybe in the future things can be alright again. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself and prolonging the healing... I dread the spring/summer knowing I won't get to spend them with her. I met her in the spring and it was during those spring/summer months we went so many places around my city before I moved out to her province with her. Going out is super hard alot of the times because everywhere I seem to go, I'm reminded of her. I think I like sleeping the best because I know I'll see her in my dreams and at least for that short time, everything is ok.
notmakingsense Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Consumed -- you have to get yourself out of that cycle -- and you need to start by stopping contact with her. I don't know the details of who broke up with whom, but I'm assuming by the way you write that she dumped you. If this is the case, it is especially important that you break off contact. Tell lher that because your feelings for her are still so strong, that you need to take a break from contacting her in order to help yourself heal. She'll understand, and in many months (maybe a year or two?) from now, you two *might* be able to become friends. One outcome of your breaking contact is giving *her* the ability to *miss you* more thoroughly. This sometimes prompts a reconciliation -- but it has to be *her* the one that initiates it -- AND you MUST assume that this probably WONT happen. You sound smart. Read all the posts here. Maintaining contact with your exgf causes your mind to hold hope, which in turn is causing you more pain because she isn't coming back to you. Break off the contact. Assume she's never coming back. It may not seem obvious to you right now -- but breaking the contact helps you release the hope and you will begin to feel better faster.
Author consumed Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 It scares me thinking about nc. It scares me beacuse then it's a sealed deal that I probably won't ever see her again and that hurt's. It hurts soo bad to think of a future without her, but I know at the same time it's for my good. She did break things off. I had been seeing her for 5 months and then she wanted to return home to her small town in another province. I went with her, was there for 3 months. After about the 2nd month I came home because in her town of 200 people I couldn't get work. (I'm from a big city so..) The plan was for me to work for some time and then go back, but after having been home for only 4 days I jumped on a plane and surprised her. Unfortunately the surprise didn't go over as I had hoped because she wasn't sure what she wanted. I stayed and managed to get 2 jobs in her small town only a month later for her to say she wanted me to return to my city. All she said was that she had to get things in her life straightened out and right now she wasn't sure what she wanted. That hurt, and having to return home alone, to where I spend the first 5 months with her, hurt ever more.
notmakingsense Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Consumed, She has definitely broken up with you, and the deal has already been sealed. You need to move on with your life now. It is always possible that a *new* deal can be forged with this woman. But not now, and she has to be the one that proposes it. Breaking contact is scary when you think of it as possibly ending things for good. However, don't look at it that way -- look at the facts. It is already over -- and continuing to contact her is preventing your heart from acknowledging what your mind already knows to be true. Finally, a future without her will be awesome! Do you know why? Because that future will be with a woman who wants to be with you! You just have to get yourself into a mental state that will allow you to meet this new woman.
Author consumed Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 When people say all contact, would it still be bad to email back and forth once in a while? I know what you mean though, my mind is always telling me to look at things in a realistic way. Chances of us getting back together are pretty slim. And you're right in that unless I get past my feelings it will be hard for me to ingage in any future relationships. thx for the replies, I just have to keep pushing forward.
notmakingsense Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Even e-mailing once in a while will be bad -- becuase with each e-mail you receive, your heart will be hoping for some sign that she wants you back, and with each e-mail you send, you are hoping that there is something that you are saying that will change her mind. So.... the net results of these once-in-a-while e-mails is the continuance of hope -- the very thing that is causing you so much pain right now. No contact is a survival technique. It is often the only tool available to us that will allow us to heal -- and from reading your posts, I am absolutely convinced that you cannot heal while continuing contact with this woman.
Author consumed Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 I need the dreams to stop. You still have dreams of your ex? How long is it before they become less frequent? 3 months now and they are still almost every night, most really vivid.
notmakingsense Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Your dreams are simply an outlet for your mind about subjects that are already consuming it. The less you think of your gf during the day, the less you will be dreaming about her. Discontinuing contact will help here also. I used to hate the mornings, because I'd wake up during (or soon after) dreaming about my exgf. I still have very vivid dreams, but the frequency is becoming less and less. Analyze it. I'm willing to bet that the less you think of her before going to bed, the less you'll dream about her.
Delicaterose00 Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Hi there. I totally understand what you are saying..... I was cheated on and left in May..( 2 year relationship, even lived with him).. its been 8 months for me and I am doing better and so will you. I used to think of him every day all day... especially weekends.. but now... yes I think of him every day still, but he only pops in for a minute... I keep thinking of him and his new girlfreind taht he cheatedon mewith and whatthey are doing and ect.ect. But it does not last as long... and on the weekends I hardly think of him cause I keep myself occupied... Just think...the person you are supposed to be with in thefuture is going to be wonderful!!! U think you loved this person so much, but think of the love you will actually have the person that is the one....Im doing all the things I wanted to do and dint know I wanted to do now that I am single.... I can get my own place, decorate it the way I want, can do what I want to do on the weekends without compromising.... I can move anywhre I want and work anywhereI want;. I dont have to worry about pleasing anyone but myself.. I get to think all aboutmenow.. causewho knows the next time I will ever be able to only think of myself for once.. ya know... your not alone.. and youwill get better.. by the way.. no contact dude... noooooooooone... gotit!!! I only wish I would have followed that rule..cause it only made me worse.......and guess what.. she might be finenow because sheknows she still has you around her finger... but maybe if you stop talking to her and not responding it will make her see that maybe she dont have you and has lost you and maybe that is what it will take for her to see what you want her to see... but if she does not.. than you know you need to put your time and engery into someone who deserves it.... dont boost her ego anymore than you have buddy.;....write back!
srsvfx Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 that happens to me a lot... for the last 6 months and counting. its so hard when the first thought you wake up to is, why did i have to wake up. and the pain starts in again. ....
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 its so hard when the first thought you wake up to is, why did i have to wake up. and the pain starts in again. Yes, why did I have to wake up today? All I want to do is go back to the safety of my bed, crawl under the covers and cry myself back to sleep. Sleep is the only way to avoid the pain I feel. But instead I have to drag my ass to work, where I will hear "cute" stories about what people did to spend their weekend with their significant others. God, kill me now.
honda12345 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I totally can relate to what you guys are going through. I am on my 7th day of NC. I wake up everyday during or after i dream about him. Cos my mind would realize that I am not with him anymore and I won't be talking to him anytime soon. Then it would come as a shock and then i would wake up as if i just had a nightmare. the bad thing is, I cannot go back to sleep. Then I just stare at the ceiling, thinking sad thoughts until my alarm goes off.
fooled Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I wake up about 4:30 every morning thinking of her. Then I toss and turn until 5:30, when I finally get up. For some reason, I really miss her today. It's my 16th day of NC.
notmakingsense Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Mornings are definitely the worst for me. Even when I can't remember the dream, when I wake up my mind is on her. Still happens often to me even though its been 2 months. I'd like to perform some sort of experiment though.... I'm betting that the less I dwell on my situation during the day, the less I'll be waking up with thoughts about her. Easier said than done though... (obviously, here I am on LS)
lexilas Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 You know I had heard that it takes half the time you were together with someone to get over them once you break up. Like if you were together 2 yrs, it would take 1 yr to get over them. I've tested this theory and, for me, it tends to be true.
srsvfx Posted January 30, 2006 Posted January 30, 2006 You know I had heard that it takes half the time you were together with someone to get over them once you break up. Like if you were together 2 yrs, it would take 1 yr to get over them. I've tested this theory and, for me, it tends to be true. 6 months down, 3 months to go... i am actually just starting to get over this now, i still think about my situation everyday, but im getting less mad. Hopefully in 3 more months i wont think about it everyday.
taylor3205 Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 You know I had heard that it takes half the time you were together with someone to get over them once you break up. Like if you were together 2 yrs, it would take 1 yr to get over them. I've tested this theory and, for me, it tends to be true. I seriously hope this isnt the case. If it is 4 months down, 3 years 2 months to go!!!! First time Ive ever been through this and its HARD.
UT_longhorn Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 i agree with all of you guys. its pretty hard and it feels so unfair. i get mad that she seems so happy with being single and going out with her friends while i'm suffering every day drudging through life. i hate her so much for it, yet i can't hate her because she made these choices for herself. she did it for herself. it would have been selfish of me to keep her with me even though she did not. every day...feels...so horrible.
Delicaterose00 Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Its been 9 months for me, and well, I feel that fact is true. I have heard that too, from psychologists; I have not seen any but I have heard them say that. I am 90% healed from my ex. He is still in my mind everyday.. but only for a few seconds or minutes each time then I forgot about him for a while.. Love hurts, it sucks... and we all wish there was this magic pill that would make us forget them. In my case.. my ex is bestfreinds with my cousins husband... so Im going to try and wish him out of my life forever, and thiers.. lmao.. they are not that close to each other anyways.. my ex used to talk horribly about his friend...... as does his freind about him.. lol.. but Im getting a black candel tonight and for 7 days I am going to burn it and wish him out of my life... cause Im tired of worrying about seeing him there or him stopping by with his girlfreind ( the one he cheated on me with after 2 years) ya.. so it sucks... but your not alone and eventually you wont think about them right when you wake.. soemtimes i dont think of him till I get in my car in the morning ( cause the music). But those are on awesome days. lmao
beautifulobscene Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 I'm new to this.. Anyway, you guys have probably already done this, but if you haven't I would recommend it.. it's a great exercise! :-) I'm better off without you because.. 'blah blah blah' It's like a game.. be funny, emotional, vindictive..whatever! It helps..good therapy..I think, lol Never been really good at following my own advice! I have my own bad break up story.. If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me
Recommended Posts