MakeMeBeautiful Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 How does it make you feel when you find out that someone from your past is getting married? It's been years since I last saw him and I still think fondly of him. He was perfect and I was perfect. But we were not perfect for each other. There was a point in the relationship when I realized that I had to cut my losses and move on because I knew that no matter what I did he would never feel the way I wanted him to feel. In the long run it was better for me. The other day I found out he is engaged. I saw their picture. He looks very happy with her. I am happy for him but many things went through my mind. Why couldn't I make him happy? What does she have that I was/am lacking? I looked at her picture and thought "she is cute" and the bad side of me was comforted by the fact that she is not gorgeous. I try to critique her but I cannot because I do not know her and deep down inside I know that she is a great person because I know that he would never choose someone who was not as great as or greater than me. So after processing this over and over in my mind I am happy for him but I am left with a bit of envy.
lindya Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 The other day I found out he is engaged. I saw their picture. He looks very happy with her. I am happy for him but many things went through my mind. Why couldn't I make him happy? What does she have that I was/am lacking? I think there's often a self-punitive part in people that assumes the ex is in some way superior to them. That when he or she moved onwards, he/she also moved upwards. It's not necessarily the case though. Generally it's just more a case of the person requiring someone who's more on their wavelength...and that's by no means a wavelength you would necessarily aspire to personally. So after processing this over and over in my mind I am happy for him but I am left with a bit of envy. That sounds natural. Don't beat yourself up for feeling slight envy. Unless there's something else here that you're missing out, it sounds as if you're dealing with this information in a pretty normal and healthy manner.
In Sync Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I think there's often a self-punitive part in people that assumes the ex is in some way superior to them. That when he or she moved onwards, he/she also moved upwards. It's not necessarily the case though. Generally it's just more a case of the person requiring someone who's more on their wavelength...and that's by no means a wavelength you would necessarily aspire to personally. You know what, you are right lindya, I wonder why we do that to ourselves anyway.. Think that the ex's have moved upwards. At least I know I did. Had those thoughts that he now is with someone that has more going on than I do. I tortured myself thinking I must have lacked this and didn't do enough of that. And he found better. My self esteem was eroded and I let those thoughts spiral out of control. Now after time and distance, I'm beginning to see hey, unless he's done a complete life-evaluation makeover whoever he is with now will experience the same narcissistic personaliy. He'll Who knows what goes on behind closed doors of relationships. I don't even harbor that jealousy or envy anymore, I'm happy to be free of wanting anything to do with him.
notmakingsense Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I think there's often a self-punitive part in people that assumes the ex is in some way superior to them. That when he or she moved onwards, he/she also moved upwards. It's not necessarily the case though. Generally it's just more a case of the person requiring someone who's more on their wavelength...and that's by no means a wavelength you would necessarily aspire to personally. I'm totally going through this phase right now. In my case, my exgf was married to a very rich and successful man, and although we had a bond and intimacy that she claims was much deeper than ever before, I feel that she misses the power/staus/money that she once had -- and that I was just a transition guy until she could find something better. It is a poisenous line of thinking -- and I try (usually unsuccessfully) to remind myself that I will be perfect in all regards for the one that I am truly meant to be with.
JustHappyToBeMe Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 your thread really made me think and wonder , what i would feel n think if it happens to me. My ex and I never contacted each other for abt a month. Sometimes i missed him alot although he was very mean to me the momment we were abt breaking up. But i just think, that in your case, dont blame your self or wonder what u r lacking that she has. Because she also lack something that u have . No body is perfect. ( I feel something funny inside as i type this.. i begin to question abt my ex next girlfren / wife). There is point in my life that i wish him to be happy, but on the other hand, i m not ready yet to see him with other girl.Help.. !!... i think it is better for me to stop writting,... otherwise i will think abt my ex more.Sorry for the crap! But i do think u shouldnt blame your self for being not good enough or this enough, that enough. I understand exactly what u feel. I think along that line hundreds time.
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