Adacus Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Ugh - I can't believe this is happening. Today is the day that I'm moving out of my apartment to begin separation with my wife. It is really hard. Without getting into the whole history of how we got here, I'm the one who decided I should move out. This came as a result of not knowing if the differences in our relationship are reconcilable - unsure if there are places where compromises can be met, or they are just really different fundamental beliefs. Its hard to tell in the thick of it all and after months of counseling, I decided that moving out may be the break we need. I'm still unsure, to be honest, but sitting under the same roof with my wife is nearly unbearable (she's very aware of my "should I stay or should I go?" indecisiveness). I decided the move would help us both - though she sees it more as the step before divorce, whereas I see it as a bit of a break. Anyway, my wife has left for the weekend, so she doesn't have to witness my moving out. And as I pack up my life to go live elsewhere (a place I'm not exactly thrilled with), its really making me down. I sit and wait for the moving truck, pondering how we got to such a place. I still love my wife immensely, but can't find it in myself to make our relationship work. Still, I think its the right thing to do for now. It just really really hurts. <sigh>
hooghie Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 I feel for you Adacus. I was in a similar situation a few years ago. It's not a good place to be and I went through hell before it got better. But now- my life is sooooooooo much better and I'm so much stronger. What you are going through is awful. I'm sorry. I'm sure it's awful for her too. I don't know what brought you to where you are right now and whether there is hope or not. For me, once I decided to leave- I knew 100% there was no turning back. I didn't love him any more. I tried working on our relationship until every ounce of love I had for him was gone. Anyway, not knowing your entire situation I can't give you much help other than to say - hang in there. Things will be hard for a while, but they WILL get better. I'm here for you if you need to chat more. 1
Mistaken Identity Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Leaving is obviously the lesser of two evils. Once you're set up somewhere else, you may be surprised how quickly you prefer to be separated.
Ladyjane14 Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Once you're set up somewhere else, you may be surprised how quickly you prefer to be separated. You might be surprised at how quickly your wife prefers it too. I know a few separated women who would never consider taking their STBXH back after having gone through the initial turmoil of splitting up. I've heard it said that 'it takes 30 days to break a habit'. Who knows? Maybe you'll BOTH be feeling better by then.
hooghie Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I went from a huge house with an outdoor pool to crashing on the couches of various friends to a small, rundown apartment so I hear ya. I spent my first semester of law school going from couch to couch. I still don't know how I made it, but I did. YOU will also get through this. I know it's hard, but something in you at some point said that you needed this separation. Trust your judgment and hang in there. Things WILL get better- if you go back you will appreciate what you had and your relationship will be stronger- if you don't go back, things will improve imensely from where you are right now.
Author Adacus Posted January 27, 2006 Author Posted January 27, 2006 Well, its about 5 days later and even though I'm without furniture (trip to IKEA planned for tomorrow), I'm slowly easing into my new place. Its still dirty and dark, but its feeling less alien. I do have to make a trip to my old apartment tonight to pick up some personal items still there and am dreading it...though my wife said that she would be out tonight so that we didnt have to run into one another. I just hope I don't experience a setback by returning tonight. I guess its just one step at a time. (ugh! I'm in a Starbucks and our wedding song just came on! )
hooghie Posted January 27, 2006 Posted January 27, 2006 Good luck Adacus. I hope things work out for you however way you want them to. As far as your move- a lot of the hard part seems to be over. Things will get easier soon.
Author Adacus Posted January 28, 2006 Author Posted January 28, 2006 Thanks, hooghie. I think you're right - the hard part is over. I just returned from my old apartment. It was hard being there (and seeing all of our wedding pictures removed), but I didn't have those pangs of feeling like I made a big mistake. There's a phase II to my move coming up - I hope I can remain strong then too.
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