Plantage Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Last night, I got home after finally having a nice night out with my friend (playing poker with his buddies) and I get on MSN and messages my female friend that I had finally had a night out and it was fun (was a bit drunk, and wasn't sure why I did it). It was 2:30 in the morning, so I didn't expect her to respond and decided to go to bed. 4 hours later, I got up and decided to check my computer to see if my d/l was complete and noticed she responded. She changed her MSN heading (she always does to tell people her mood) to going through the motions...day by day. From a decently happy heading before to a rather depressing sounding one. We've both been quite depressed for a while, and she looked like she was finally getting out of it, and helping me get out of mine. So, I am worried she is falling back into something. Of course, when she gets up, I will talk with her and ask her if things are ok (already sent a message asking if things are good with her). In the end, though, I am always worried about her, and other people, plus myself. To the point where I actually am losing sleep over these things. I asked my doctor for sleeping pills because for a 2 week period, late last month and into this month, all I could do was worry about myself and my friend and could only get around 3 hours of sleep a night (not good when you are in college and focusing on graduating with honours). I needed something to shut my mind down for a few hours, so I could somehow get thru my day. But I can't do that everyday. I am, in general, a very caring person, and the feelings of others greatly affect me, especially those who I care about. People say, you think too much! You have to look out for number one. But, honestly, I don't think I can do that. Does anyone have suggestions on how to cope with these feelings? Just wonder how people who have similar mentalities deal with this, cause I don't seem to know how and it is starting to effect my sleep (only 4 hours sleep after a night of drinking and can't get back to sleep). Thanks for any advice or suggestions.
slubberdegullion Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 There's an ancient Hindu proverb that says, "When you cry, cry with one eye." The point is to have empathy with those around you, but enough distance to maintain your own personal integrity. In short, don't let them bring you down. Easier said than done, obviously. Look, having empathy for your friends is a positive thing, no question. But just like the doctor who recoils at the sight of blood, having too much empathy actually does more harm than good. I know that it's nice to be the one people count on, the one who people look to when they're in trouble. So, in order to be that one who can be relied upon to help your friends, you'll have to remain rational and somewhat detached. That's the only way that you're actually going to be able to do them any good. Crying with them is fine, but it doesn't fix the problem. I know it's hard to extricate one's self from the demands of the feelings that both you and your friends share. But the only way to help them, and yourself, is to honour those feelings but not let them control you. Good luck.
Author Plantage Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 I would just love to detach myself from others problems, but my mind just won't let me. Most of the time I end up getting to sleep fine, but within 4 hours i am up, thinking about my own problems, problems with my friend, and trying to find confidence and resolution for both mine and hers. The only way I have been able to do it so far has been with drugs. The doctor prescribed zopiclone, and they do work. But I can't rely on them, and I don't think my doctor will prescribe them again, cause I would start to get concerned with becoming dependent on them. I just end up waking up with thoughts free-flowing in my mind. No way to turn them off. It is so strange. Like sitting in a dark room for 4 hours without sound or picture and then suddenly lights, picture and sound hit me and I can't turn it off. I have never had this happen before (though, I haven't had the month and some I've had either). So, I was hoping if someone has had similar episodes, what they did to help cope? Or did they just phase out when the problems were resolved? Were there any techniques that helped? Hopefully, this is just a passing phase and it will get better with time. Thanks for listening to my rant.
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