clubking Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 My wife and I have been seperated for 4 months now. She does not want to go to councling and has said she is not in love with me and does not want to make it work. I do not know if she is seeing someone else. I hope that is the case becuse now its just that she does not want to be with me. We have two daughters and her parent live in the same house with us. She said that here and her parents are going to buy me out of the house. I am ready to have an emotioinal break down it seems at times. When I come back to this empty apt with nobody and nothing but a computer and TV to replace my family. I do have my daughters two days a week but it is usualy only on weekend so I very little to do with thier school life and all of thier friend live a round the house. I asked here why she does not want to even try. She said that the last 4 years have been very hard and she has no love for me. At this point do just stop trying and move on? Is there anything I can do to bring us back together? Tyhank you for your comments. Clubking
slubberdegullion Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Is there anything I can do to bring us back together? Alas, I'd like to have better news for you, but it doesn't appear that there is much you can do at this point. It seems pretty clear that she's made up her mind, at least for now. Obviously, NC is out of the question because you'll have to maintain contact in regards to your daughters. Now, you don't ever have to stop trying, but that doesn't mean begging and pleading and making promises to her. You have an opportunity here to make a break with your past, with those things that contributed to the break-up in the first place. I seem to recall that there may have been some alcohol or drugs involved (though I can't remember the details). Use this time to get yourself clean, to re-establish your social contacts, to get involved with your community, to take a class of interest, to work on getting into shape, to do some of the things that will make you a better man. Do these things for at least three reasons:For yourself, to strengthen your character, your body and your intellect;For your daughters, so they can see the goodness and strength that you have; and,To show your ex that you're a better man and continue to work on yourself. Obviously, no one can predict at this point whether she'll ever want you back. But even if she doesn't, you'll still be a better man for the experience, rather than a bitter shell. Good luck.
Author clubking Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 Yes, I was additicted to MJ for 20 years I have been free since Jan 1 I have used hypnosis and it has worked great. I have do desire or longing for a habit I had for so long. I know you are right, I need to focus on myself and am. It is just my wife keep saying that I am depressed and should see a Dr.. I have never seen a Dr. for depression. I do not think I am depresed just lonley and missing my family. Thank you again for your words of support. Clubking
slubberdegullion Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Unless your wife is a trained therapist, she's not in a position to give you a diagnosis. She is, of course, trying to help; I'm sure her comments about your mental state come from a place of caring and concern. Self-diagnosis isn't much good either, I'm afraid. It wouldn't hurt to chat with a counsellor, or see a doc. That doesn't mean you'll be prescribed any drugs or anything. Often times, feelings of depression can lift of their own accord. It depends whether it's a biochemical change in the brain or a thought pattern.
Curmudgeon Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 there is little, if anything, you can do to change it. In the alternative, enjoy your time with your daughters and start working on you, independent of the issues you had/have with your wife. Strive to become your own best friend and to enjoy your own company. The stronger you become the better it is for your children. I know it's not easy. My former marriage went belly-up after 25 years and the ex poisoned my two youngest daughters (then ages 5 and 9) against me. I used the next two years of solitude to work on me and my issues and to come to terms with my part in the demise of the marriage. As it stand now I have wonderful relationships with all five of my children, their respective spouses and my grandchildren. Sometimes you simply need a rude awakening to jump start you on the path to future happiness and contentment.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Sorry that she doesn't want to work things out maybe you should get you some counseling for yourself to work this through .. How can she tell you that you are depressed ? Is she a doctor? You are dealing with alot missing your life as it was and it is hard to deal with.. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel for your loss ,maybe you talking with someone will help you deal better!!Good luck and hang in there it will get better with time..
Mistaken Identity Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 You do indeed sound lonely. Is there any way to get your daughters more often? Can you offer to take them and their friends to some fun places? What are you interested in? I know the old, "join a club" advice is practically a cliche, but it really does open up more opportunities for meeting people.
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