QueenieJD Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 Okay, well in my LTR I have been having sex with my b/f for about 10 months... But I just cannot get comfortable with it. I was a virgin till a while into our relationship and he was not, I just feel like hes leaps and bounds ahead of me. I know it bother him how reserved I am, and I just want to let me inhibitions go to the wind, but I am very self-concious (and I dont know y). I feel horrible for it, hes even ASKED and for oral sex and after this long I still say NO, I just cant get past my fears and I'm afraid of being bad at anything new... PLEASE HELP!
My_Other_I Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 The more you think about it the worse it will get. Ask yourself a question. What do you have to lose? Just let go. He shouldn't expect you to be a sex-godess. You gave him your virginity, he should make it fun for you and be appreciative of being able to be your first. Just relax, hun. Allow yourself to forget all bad thoughts and focus on the moment. Do whatever you feel like doing. Just let go Don't force yourself into anything you don't feel comfortable doing. If you don't want to give him a BJ, than don't. Just because he asks doesn't mean he gets it, right? Good luck!
bluetuesday Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 have a think about it and then come back and tell us if you're still certain you have no idea why you feel like this. because i suspect there is a reason other than you thinking you're crap at new things. many people are inhibited in the bedroom. for every one of us, there was a first time for doing everything we have ever done. but being new at something doesn't automatically mean you're bad at it. making love is about showing and creating your love in a physical way. and everyone does that differently. you are unique in the way you make love. aside from a few basics, there really is no right and wrong. there is only what you like. same as there's no right and wrong ice-cream flavour to prefer. and trust me, technique isn't anywhere near as important as confidence and enthusiasm. so he's NOT leaps and bounds ahead of you. so what he's slept with people before you? he never slept with YOU before you slept with him. great sex isn't about inserting part A into slot B. it's about finding what's sensational for the partner you're with. so he's at the same level as you on this one. you say he's frustrated with you. that's hardly fair and it doesn't create the atmosphere where you can be yourself and try something new. does your boyfriend make you feel like you're no good at sex? does he fail to tell you how sexy you are? how hot you're making him? because, he should do all those things. as with anything, communication is the key. none of us are wonderful lovers magically. and it takes two to make sex dull. you need to speak to him about your fears, tell him you feel awkward but that you want to become less-so, and next time the opportunity arises, dare to try something new. being prepared to give it a go is the only step you need. if he asks for oral sex again, don't freak out. it's only a cock and a mouth having some fun together. if you can swallow your fears (sorry) you really don't need to be able to suck like a champ right away. no-one would expect you to. just try kissing his cock. see if you like it. then try licking the underside and find the place just under the head where his foreskin is attached. or where it used to be attached. concentrate on this bit. suck it. flick your tongue lightly over it. (don't bite!) if he struggles to tell you how much he likes it, you're doing great! sex is really that simple. do something you think he might like, see how he reacts, then do it again and again. and remember, making love is an art that will provide a lifetime of unfettered joy and you're just at the beginning of your journey. it's supposed to be fun, so kick back and go exploring. if the worst that can happen is that something you do fails to impress him, so what? is he always on the money? are you writhing with desire on the end of his tongue? didn't think so. you BOTH need to work at this, not just you. and if it's unsatisfactory today... well, that's why they invented tomorrow.
Bellona Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 I can sympathize with you in some ways. I haven't had many sexual partners, and I felt kind of inadequate when my current boyfriend and I began having sex. I wasn't sure if I was doing things right, did I look awkward, was I as attractive as his other partners... Then it hit me: I need to be getting as much as I am giving. The key to having a great sexual relationship is confidence and enthusiasm. You should never feel like you're forced to do anything. It is important to cut loose a bit and do what feels good to you. As said above me, sex isn't about inserting part A into part B. Sex will be a little awkward with a new partner, because you need to explore what pushes each individual's buttons in the feel good department. But that's supposed to be fun! What's important is that your boyfriend is supportive of you in all things, and isn't overtly critical of you in this area. Don't worry about comparisons. Different people like different things, and what works for the both of you together will be different from what another couple enjoys.
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