kboykb Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Okay - I have a question about talking on the phone. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years now. When we were together during the first bit of our relationship of course we didn't know that much about each other, so we'd spend *hours* on the phone (like 4+ everyday). I had no problem with this back then, but after 4 years of knowing her and everything, I just don't feel like it's necessary to spend all those hours a day on the phone. We're long-distance so I can kind of understand why, but now it's getting to the point where I hate the phone. She wants me to call her and wake her up every morning for school (usually 7 or so), and gets terribly angry when I oversleep or something (i'm in college too).. so like today I called her this morning at 8, she talked to me for about 30 minutes. Then she let me go to sleep, called me back 30 minutes later and talked for another 30 minutes.. I lost so much sleep... Then later in the day she called and got mad that I hadn't called her after 2 hours of not talking to her.. then she called again and we talked 2 hours that night, and finally she went to bed. THEN she woke up at 1, got mad that I hadn't went to bed yet and talked to me for another hour. Agh! It would be different if we had oodles of stuff to talk about but we just don't anymore She's always the one that says bye because if I do it seems like I don't wanna talk to her anymore.. and it's not that.. it's just after sitting on the phone all this time without much to say, why stay on it? I've hinted at talking online when we have no more to say on the phone.. but she took that as a "low-key complaint". We usually talk from 9 - whenever she feels like going to bed every single night.. she just loves so much attention and it's getting a bit overwhelming for me. What should I do about this phone smothering?
bluechocolate Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 She wants me to call her and wake her up every morning for school (usually 7 or so), and gets terribly angry when I oversleep or something (i'm in college too).. I would get extremely resentful about being used as an alarm clock. She should be adult & mature enough to get herself out of bed in the morning. I just don't feel like it's necessary to spend all those hours a day on the phone. It isn't necessary. It is very controlling behaviour on her part & also, I think, shows that she is insecure & has some growing up to do. I've hinted at talking online when we have no more to say on the phone.. but she took that as a "low-key complaint". Like that there ^. A "low-key complaint"? What kind of nonsense is that? Like it's supposed to stifle all conversation about it? It is a complaint & a justifiable one at that. But it sounds to me like you're not allowed to have any feelings on this matter (or others I bet) that aren't the same as hers. And again, it's an indication of her immaturity & controlling behaviour. I think that even if you were in close proximity to each other she would still behave like this. I don't know how you're going to resolve this without her getting really pissed about it, but what I suggest you do is put your foot down about. If you don't & you stay with this girl my bet is you'll end up very unhappy because eventually she will control every single aspect of your life.
Outcast Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Four YEARS? And she still wants you to talk to her for hours per day? Hoo boy. This is a huge red flag with flashing lights and sirens - and fireworks going off in the background! Not only is she controlling but she's needy/clingy to the extreme and, it seems, hasn't a life of her own. How do either of you manage to do anything else like shop or study??? This sounds like a person who will cling to you like a barnacle for the rest of your life and not let you do anything at all on your own. Me, I'd rethink the entire relationship because this is a predictor of how your life together would be.
Author kboykb Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 Blue you just summed up my exact feelings in your post, and Outcast you understand how I feel.. She's definitely a clingy girl and sometimes I really want to tell her that she's being childish and needs to learn to walk on her own two feet.. but I'm just such a nice guy that I can't never get up the courage to say it. Sometimes I think she feels that she's aggrevating me; when we're on the phone sometimes she'll say "baby am I annoying you?" - "Am I too attached to you?" - or other questions along that line, and I always say no, but in realiity every bone in my body is telling me to say Yes!!! I just love avoiding conflict, but I don't think there's any other way around this.. she's way too serious and way too clingy about our relationship right now.. Thanks for the replies guys!
bluechocolate Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 ....when we're on the phone sometimes she'll say "baby am I annoying you?" - "Am I too attached to you?" - This really isn't about the long phone calls. To me this is classic controlling behaviour. If she really felt that way she would simply do the adult thing & back off a bit, secure in the knowledge that it didn't mean the end. Instead she is challenging you. ....or other questions along that line, and I always say no, but in reality every bone in my body is telling me to say Yes!!! I just love avoiding conflict, My bet is you avoid confrontation with her because you know how it will go - so does she. If you say "yes, you are too attached to me", no doubt there will be tears & tantrums, you'll placate her & she's won another battle. Who knows? She may come to her senses & mature more emotionally. She may not. And if you've never stood up to her she may just surprise all of us. Good Luck.
Recommended Posts