gordon_gc Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Hi, Just wanted to have some opinions on why my exgf is doing what she is doing ;-) . Long story kept short: -In a relationship with her for 1 year. -She broke up with me 2 1/2 ago. -We had on and off contacts during that time. -2 weeks ago, no more contacts from me and her -Exactly when she started seeing another guy. (she didnt tell me but I know) -She is the kind of girl who doesnt wanna hurt people, she likes to be the nice person but always hand up hurting them more by not being honest. Today, I talked to my friend telling me he received a couple of messages from her. Just courtesy messages, nothing flirty. Why is she messaging my friend ? What is going through her mind ? Is she trying to find a way to contact me ? Is she just trying not to have a bad reputation or something like this ?
Author gordon_gc Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 "Hi Mr, How are you ? What have you been up to ? Jakie [her flatmate] is leaving to sydney soon. We should hang out for a few drinks sometime."
notmakingsense Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Did she ever hang out with your friend before without you? (just as friends)? If not, she could be trying to get information about you. If she did hang out with him before (however seldom), it may be that she's interested in him -- even though the message wasn't flirty. If he's your true friend, he'll ignore her, or make an excuse not to see her. In the mean-time, stick to NC, and tell your friend to not volunteer any information. She'll contact you directly if she's curious enough.
Author gordon_gc Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 New chapter to the story, she actually also just messaged me. Obviously, she is now looking for affection since her best friend is leaving. Message says : "Hello there...how'r things? Im sad cause Jax is leaving tomorrow :(just had lunch w her n had a teary. Emma [other friend] made a book for her n there's pics of u in it. Hope ur well n havin fun. catch up soon. L x" . What should I do now ???? She is bloody playing with my mind. Shoud i tell her I do not want contact from her at all, stay silent or be supportive ???
notmakingsense Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Since she broke up with you, then you shouldn't do much if anything. Most would tell you not to respond at all unless she clearly apologizes or tells you she wants to talk about the two of you. However, personally, I'd do something in compromize and tell her something like: "Hey -- thanks for the txt. I'm sad Jax is leaving too. I'll miss her. Later -- Gordon."
Author gordon_gc Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 any other suggestions to whether i should reply or not ? if so, what ???
gfto Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 gordon, gordon, gordon...... DELETE THE MESSAGE AND DON'T REPLY!!!!! She's bored and lonesome. That's why she sent you the message. Did she ask you to get together sometime? Of course not! She just said Hi. It means nothing at all. Incidently, she WAS flirting with your friend!!! Wake up. When she suggested to him that they meet for drinks sometime, she was flirting. But, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Forget about it. No contact with this girl!
cygny Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 you could say---'so...you looking for some therapy? sorry, no can do, i've got other plans, see ya" lol
salmagundi Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Yeah gordon, I have to agree with Cygny. If she wanted to meet him to talk about you she would have asked him for coffee. When you or I or anyone ask a member of the opposite sex for drinks its usually we're interested in THEM. Still think hoping for another shot with an ambiguous ex is fun and uncomplicated? Go back and read my thread... Then read it again. At most give her the coolest most civil reply possible but nothing more until she indicates she actually wants to talk would be my advice.
Author gordon_gc Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 Thanks for your point of view y'all ! A good night of sleep is also a good way of seeing things a bit more clearly...after all, I have cried, I have been really sad since we broke up and I never reached for her support as it was not appropriate (+I'd been a psyko) and I don't think reaching for my support is appropriate now !!! She lost a bf (me), She lost her best friend, her social circle is unstable and getting smaller... She is coming down big time !!! That is also the reason she contacted my friend. For sure, she doesnt have any bad intentions with him and I know he doesnt either so let's not get paranoid here. She lives in the same area as him, that's it ! I think I'll just stay in strict NC...why should I be polite or understanding after all !!! POWER TO THE DUMPEE ...
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