Promiscuous Love

[ehead]

Warning: This post has no point.

 

There is an article in this months National Geographic about Love. My girlfriend just read it and we were chatting about it.

 

She doesn't want me to read it because she knows how romantic I am, and she doesn't want it to take anything away from me or how I feel about Love.

 

She knows I don't believe in God, good or evil, or the afterlife, but I've stubbornly held onto my believe in Love, despite what science has to say about it (or anyone else). That is why I capitalize the word I suppose. I am just a hopeless romantic.

 

She is far more cynical.

 

I can remember once sitting in the bathtub with her when the topic of "soul mates" came up. She told me she believes there are possibly thousands of "soul mates" out there for any one person. Apparently any of these soul mates (note the plural) are interchangable. I told her Shakespeare wrote "ONE true love ...", not "one of a few thousand people I could possibly fall in love with ..."

 

Would you die for any one of your several thousand "soul mates" ?

 

Apparently love is the result of some chemical being released in the brain (oxytocin), and gets reinforced by bonding experiences (making love, orgasms, hugs, kissing, etc ...). I suggested to my girlfriend that we just shoot up some oxytocin and go hug people at the local bar. I suppose we would just be falling in love with every person we saw.

 

Oddly, she has fallen in love much more frequently than me (I suspect this is because of the remnants of her Catholic upbringing. She only permits herself to have sex after having fallen in love), which brings up the issue of Love "promiscuity". Is she a Love slut ? I've only been in love twice, though I've had several one night stands.

 

I believe we personally define what sex means to us. That is, we create and imbue sex with whatever meaning we want. No one way of looking at it is any better than any other.

 

If this is true, do one night stands deprive it of meaning ?

 

I guess this is sexual nihilism if you think about it. Denying that there is any one TRUE way to look at sex. Everything becomes relative ... and once everything is relative, there is no absolute. Once there is no absolute, it's arguable whether anything has meaning at all.

 

So, why do I have such a problem with the same thing applying to Love ?

 

Sometimes I just want to live in denial.

[loony]

I think you are one of the few who have ever managed to convince me somewhat that they are able to separate sex and love and that love for them is not the same as sex and far more important.

 

So, why do I have such a problem with the same thing applying to Love ?

Because love triggers deeper and longer lasting emotions? Different ones than those that merely cause physical pleasure? Difficult ones that touch the essence and vulnerability of your whole being?

[Chimerical]

I think I'm pretty cynical on "Love" and the why's of it... I don't believe in "soul mates", or "the one" for several reasons. One person may feel that the man/woman they are with is the one, but two months later that man/woman is telling you they stoped loving you about a month ago...

 

Put it this way... I believe there are levels of love based on compatibility, on experiences that tie two people together, and values each holds. Someone could love several dozen people in their lifetime, but each "love" will be different, based on these different levels of love. And there are different types of love, that I think a lot of people confuse with real love. Like loving someone because they're beautiful, because they have money... or something that they feel brings their status up. They "love" that, but it's superficial love.

 

So, I don't think a person is "promiscious" in love, if they love several people. I think some people are more open to those feelings. Simply because you are more hesitant to open yourself up in that way, wouldn't make your love more special then anyone elses. However, the level of love that you feel (which will be based only on two experiences) would differentiate your love, from any one elses.

 

I loved a man I dated for 10 months. But the level of love felt for him pales in comparison to the level of love I feel for the man I'm dating now. But I still don't believe in "the one". This insures that I always bust azz to show I love and appreciate him. If I fall into the trap of the fairy tale forever love, then I might not appreciate how special this love really is...

[movinon05]

I do believe in "the one", the soulmate. I had it but for many reasons it is not meant to be. It was the love I always dreamed about but never experienced until I met him. It was the fairytale, but not the fairytale ending. Nevertheless, now that its over, I wish I had never had it, because I don't think it will ever happen again. I'll always be in love with him. But I've become a realist also. I am dating a man now who treats me differently and makes me feel wonderful. And if anything comes of it, then I could live with this too. I doubt "it" comes twice. But I'm open to the possibilities. I'd love to be able to come back here and say I was wrong! And BTW, the sex is the most outstanding I have ever had in my life! Which helps alot, lol!

[dnm1010]

i do believe in the soulmate- the missing piece of you. and i do believe that people use the word love freely. and that they might think they love somone but they might look back at it and say u know what i was wrong, i didnt really love that person.. but some ppl have a problem saying they made a mistake, that they were wrong. i thought i was in love before and now ilook back and say, u know what, that wasnt love. not real love. cos nothing beats loving someone when they love u back- true love. wanting to give without wanting anything in return- on both parts. im not a romantic person at all either.

[Outcast]

Oddly, she has fallen in love much more frequently than me (I suspect this is because of the remnants of her Catholic upbringing. She only permits herself to have sex after having fallen in love), which brings up the issue of Love "promiscuity". Is she a Love slut ? I've only been in love twice, though I've had several one night stands

 

This has nothing to do with Catholic upbringing. She has found people that are easy for her to love for whatever reason.

 

I just love the posts about people who found their 'soul mates' but aren't with them. Doesn't the term 'soul MATE' mean that you would, in fact, be together if you truly were 'soul mates'????

 

There are varying levels of connection. It's hard to find people that you connect with deeply on all levels. That, IMHO, is the essence of the 'soul mate' feeling. So it's not that there is a single 'soul mate' but that there are few 'best connections' that you encounter in life.

 

As for the biological basis of love, it's not as easy as just injecting oxytocin. You also need to have complementary pheromones and even then, the chemical effects begin to wear off after a while.

 

What's useful about knowing that the initial stages of 'love' are biochemical is that you are warned to not believe you are actually 'in love' until enough time has passed for the chemicals to have quit having an effect on you. Otherwise you run the risk of marrying on the strength of believing you're 'in love' when it's just your biochemistry trying to get you to procreate for the sake of your species.