PlentyLV007 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 An Epiphany hit me .....actually this morning...saying to myself...I have a date with a gentlemen who asked me out. =) Good times right? Okay...now when do we put high standards on a person (woman or man) we meet? Or do we? When we first talk to them? Great guy, no car. I've seem to find myself meeting guys that either have bad jobs like (drug dealers) or have been in jail, and no transportation. I've never been materialistic to what a guy must have or how much he has to make to make me happy! Nor I don't judge people on their past and mistakes. I think everybody deserves a shot...I rather be rich in love and some what stable on him being financially stable. Right....so em I wrong for suddenly thinking this way!? I'm just so tired of always being the one...picking up, dropping off, and I think that's mostly it.... Could it be where I'm meeting these guys? I mostly meet men through friends, or co-workers.
tanbark813 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Wanting someone to not be a drug dealer and not have an extensive criminal record are not high expectations.
Outcast Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I've seem to find myself meeting guys that either have bad jobs like (drug dealers) Um. That's not a 'job'. That's a 'crime'. or have been in jail Who on earth are you hanging out with? Are you heavily into drugs or something? I've never even met a drug dealer! Nor I don't judge people on their past and mistakes. I think everybody deserves a shot. A one-time mistake by someone who then turns his life around is one thing. However if the 'mistake' was to get caught but he's continuing in his life of crime, then it's not unreasonable to conclude this might not be a good bet for a partner. Could it be where I'm meeting these guys? I mostly meet men through friends, or co-workers. Again, if your crowd and even your co-workers are all buddies with drug dealers and criminals, you need a change of venue. Maybe try internet dating. Expecting someone to not be a criminal isn't 'high expectations'!!!
lilmoma1973 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Wanting someone to not be a drug dealer and not have an extensive criminal record are not high expectations. Exactly tanbark!!
cygny Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 woohoo way to go girl you got asked out, congrats. it's not about how much money they have its whether they treat you with respect and can do the basics, ie it's got to be at least 50/50. so no if you are ALWAYS the one to do the picking up etc, then you need to raise your standards--find men that are at least on your own level, you will have things in common with them, they don't have to be exactly like you but if there has to be a balance where you are not doing all the work. if in doubt, it's best if he is making the first moves and you are reciprocating.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 The whole criminal thing is past history on the guys. A lot of your responses seem to be on point. I mean what kind of people em I hanging with? Where I'm meeting them?.... I'm getting all kinds of confusing feedback from different people (women). That I'm not girly enough, that I don't expect much from guys, that I care too much....that I shouldn't care at all, dammm I just treat people the way I want to be treated. It just seems that I'm expected to do certain things as a girl , and I don't expect nothing from anybody. I'm being told that's wrong. I'm told it's one of my problems...that I give too much and don't expect anything back!. I didn't know that was wrong....! is it? To me I do what I want because I want to not because it's expected or I have to.
cygny Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 The whole criminal thing is past history on the guys. A lot of your responses seem to be on point. I mean what kind of people em I hanging with? Where I'm meeting them?.... I'm getting all kinds of confusing feedback from different people (women). That I'm not girly enough, that I don't expect much from guys, that I care too much....that I shouldn't care at all, dammm I just treat people the way I want to be treated. It just seems that I'm expected to do certain things as a girl , and I don't expect nothing from anybody. I'm being told that's wrong. I'm told it's one of my problems...that I give too much and don't expect anything back!. I didn't know that was wrong....! is it? To me I do what I want because I want to not because it's expected or I have to. hey girl you can do what you want, there's nothing 'wrong' with it. but does that get you what you want, more long term? if not, then changes are in order. it's all for you. i thought you wanted to have a guy take you out or spend quality time with you, and what you were doing (giving, making the first move, telling him what to do, etc) wasn't working for ya?
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 hey girl you can do what you want, there's nothing 'wrong' with it. but does that get you what you want, more long term? if not, then changes are in order. it's all for you. i thought you wanted to have a guy take you out or spend quality time with you, and what you were doing (giving, making the first move, telling him what to do, etc) wasn't working for ya? I've had one long term relationship that lasted 5 years and well at the time when I started I was 19, so materialistic things and expectations didn't matter! Now I'm 25 and well still expectations don't matter.....at least not the materialistic one's....yet I'm not 19 anymore either. The guys I keep meeting do seem to remind me of the one's I was meeting when I was 19.... don't know what I can do to change that....I guess just next time...make sure he's on the same level I'm just like you said.
cygny Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 well...i think it's alot about your goals... could mean that your goal is just to have fun right now. or could mean that you want a relationship, or that you want someone in your life whose bigger goals and interests match up to yours... you're in charge, it's about what you want and what you don't want. there is no right way to be. but i think it is a law of nature that if you give generously without strings, there will be bums who will take and not give back. so it's fine for you to give if you're doing it for yourself, but you haven't really got the right to demand something back, if you know what i mean--then it wouldn't really be giving.
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