dragonfish Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I originally ported this on a different forum - which turned out to be support for women/men in relationships with married people. I was slammed. Not I want to make this same post to this forum to see if your opinions and comments are different. I have been haunted by a situation that I saw unfolding, and did nothing about. In one of my former lives I was a waitress. I watched another waitress that I worked with go after men - one man in particular. He was married. I didn't know him that well, but he'd come into the restaurant on a regular basis. She would spend every free moment she had chatting with him. It used to drive me crazy. I would hear her talking about how great he was and that he was the man for her. She was unbelievably manipulative. She absolutely set out to get him, and I heard later through the grapevine of former workers that she was calling him her boyfriend. . . so I guess her plan worked. He was a nice man, married, always seemed to like his wife. He'd talk about her to me. Once she came into the restaurant with him and he introduced me to her. He wasn't your everyday creep. I really hope that the waitress, Patty, didn't get him. What should I have done? Anything? Something? I thought I'd just trust in God to sort it out, but I just don't know anymore. I'm still upset about it, and this was like 2 or 3 years ago now.
Barby Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I can relate from both sides. I've been an "Ow" to a man whom I've known for 5 years and knew he was married. We are seperated by distance (won't go into details)...but regardless I've been also on the side of seeing a friend (well kinda friend) chase a "MM" w/out mercy....out to get what she could from him w/out shame. Anyway I don't think there was anything you could have done because he was clearly interested or else he wouldn't have came back in over and over again once she began hitting on him. I can also see how it would bother you to meet the wife, then not defend their marriage against someone bent on sleeping with her husband. There isn't much you can do......I say move on and if it happens again then make mention of it to the man about her past behavior, ect. In all honesty no matter what one feels, even if u make an attempt to help, nine times outta ten nothing will change. Best thing to do I would say would be to ignore this type of behavior and be happy with the relationship you have. I'm sure we each have enough drama in our lives to keep ourselves busy...cluttering it with other people's drama just isn't worth it.
bluetuesday Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 you could have talked to her. or to him. or told the wife. but i probably wouldn't have got involved either. women chase married men because they can, because they're selfish and because they don't care who they hurt as long as they're getting what they want. i doubt you could have dissuaded her from this path. if it bothers you, remember that your actions aren't a waste if they have caused you to think about acting differently next time. only don't leave things in the 'hands' of god. the only hands he has on this earth are yours.
Mz. Pixie Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 you could have talked to her. or to him. or told the wife. but i probably wouldn't have got involved either. women chase married men because they can, because they're selfish and because they don't care who they hurt as long as they're getting what they want. i doubt you could have dissuaded her from this path. if it bothers you, remember that your actions aren't a waste if they have caused you to think about acting differently next time. only don't leave things in the 'hands' of god. the only hands he has on this earth are yours. What about the married men that chase women??
bluetuesday Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 What about the married men that chase women?? that wasn't the question. but married men chase women because they can, because they're selfish and because they don't care who they hurt as long as they're getting what they want.
Astarte Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Why getting into other people's buisness ? I bet you got enough work with your own... And yep, bluetuesday, you prove it once more, the one thinking poorly (or not able to think at all) has an easy, little life....
Author dragonfish Posted January 22, 2006 Author Posted January 22, 2006 you could have talked to her. or to him. or told the wife. but i probably wouldn't have got involved either. women chase married men because they can, because they're selfish and because they don't care who they hurt as long as they're getting what they want. i doubt you could have dissuaded her from this path. if it bothers you, remember that your actions aren't a waste if they have caused you to think about acting differently next time. only don't leave things in the 'hands' of god. the only hands he has on this earth are yours. I'm sure you are right, and that I couldn't have dissuaded her. And your right. If I'm in the position again I will act differently. Maybe the end result will be the same, but at least I'll feel that I wasn't helping someone be damaged.
portableversion Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 go to the OW forum. look at how many times the OW describes her MM as 'successful'. They want the money.
Curmudgeon Posted January 22, 2006 Posted January 22, 2006 and they only apply to those who actively go after married men as a knowing choice. 1) Thrill of the chase to try to land the "unavailable" and the "taken" to see if they can do it. It gives them a feeling of power and control. 2) Safety because they're commitment phobic and know that the relationship won't become permanent. 3) Follow the money!
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