thecalling Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 hey everyone, i haven't written here for years (since i last felt i needed help from somewhere else) I've been going out with my girlfriend for only 2 weeks, but i am not entirely happy. She has slept with a lot of people including one-night stands, and I am a virgin. We're both at university now, but I am uncertain about sex. i suppose in a way i feel she misses sex, even though i can satisfy her in other ways Anyway, we are just so different - she goes out and gets drunk every night with her best friend. I also like to go out, but am the sort of person who likes to spend a lot of time with just my gf - this isn't happening much. I also have a lot of insecurity issues and get jealous - she still speaks to her ex bfs, but i know she just wants to go out and have a good time - she wouldn't cheat on me. I have difficulty meeting new people, and so the buzz of having someone was great at first. we connected in a huge way and she made me feel good about myself. she is so sweet when she's out with me alone, but she can also bitch about other girls when she gets together with her best friend. she also has a 'thing' for guys with a certain hair style - she always goes on about people she sees that she fancies. this is my insecurity and jealousy talking - i could cope with this, but she has also been with a lot of guys - i have never had sex with anyone, for various reasons. she reassures me all the time, and says i am great in bed anyway, and really does just want to be with me. however, it has also made me see how different we are. A bloke she used to call up on a regular basis for sex is in the student bar all the time and she has a history with a couple of others that we'll see around. Should this be an issue for me? I believe her when she says all she wants is me, but do i need someone a little more like me? I'm just scared that I won't be able to cope without her - we've known each other a while and i don't want to sink into depression about this. Sometimes I feel I only really feel 'okay' when I'm going out with someone - i have self-esteem issues, i know.... I suppose i'm just asking where i can get the strength from to break up with her? This is only because i have low self-esteem and know how bad i can get after a break-up. Should i wait until some of my friends get back to uni (about 2 weeks) so i have a support structure? because at the moment everyone's gone home after exams. anyway, thanks to anyone who reads this, i know what the 'right' thing to do is - but i don't know if i can cope without her. any comments/suggestions would be appreciated p.s. i know if i was a lot more confident much of these things wouldn't be an issue. i know a lot of people have slept around, and opposites attract, etc... i just don't want to get in too deep and not be able to get out
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Work on yourself in the sense of building self confidence. You know it's a problem and affecting you, and the relationship to a point. She shouldn't be telling you and bringing up her past sexual history, who she talks to and even pointing out men she finds attractive. That isn't nice or fair to you. Some thoughts like noticing others and thinking they're cute is just left better unsaid...I'd ask her to keep those things to herself as it is making you feel uncomfortable. She is interested in only you, she's said so and hopefully with some more self confidence things will get better. Also, you can't change the basis of who you are. Maybe you're not the type to go party party party...She is. And that is a problem if she loves to be out and about. Only thing you two can do is compromise, keep talking and let her know what you think and feel. Same goes for her. Hope this helps abit.
Freckles1001 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 First - you have been dating her for 2 weeks, so it's too new for her to fall into a routine with you. When I met my (now ex) fiance, I was going out a lot, drinking, etc. I wouldn't call it promiscuous but I definitely had a lot of male attention - it definitely took me more than two weeks to settle down with my boyfriend...more like 2 months! Give the girl a break if you really like her. She could be good for you, not to mention a lot of fun! Not everything has to be dead serious when you first meet.
Cecelius Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I agree with all of the above about how new your g/f is. I also think that you know enough about her to know that she may not be the best emotional factor in your life long term. Chances are she enjoys the male attention a lot and it makes up for something in her head she is otherwise missing. Besides, do you want to be tied to someone with that much sexual history that is so public AND so much in your face? Have a good time and take it all very lightly.
Chimerical Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I agree with all of the above about how new your g/f is. I also think that you know enough about her to know that she may not be the best emotional factor in your life long term. Chances are she enjoys the male attention a lot and it makes up for something in her head she is otherwise missing. Besides, do you want to be tied to someone with that much sexual history that is so public AND so much in your face? Have a good time and take it all very lightly. I think he may be seeing her actions as worse then they are based on the fact that he doesn't meet many new people, hasn't had sex, has low self-esteem, and is shy. Her actions may be normal for the average person who has a healthy dose of self-esteem, and a charismatic personality. I know this doesn't negate how it makes him feel, but he would then be limiting his options to only women who've never had sex, and who have equally low self-esteem and shyness. If he approached it from a different view, he might find this woman to be a valuable experience in his life. But he'd have to approach it with the view of wanting to be more confident, not be afraid of people, and attempt to replace his feelings of never measuring up with a more positive attitude. The guy (a virgin) got a girl that from the sounds of it could have nearly any guy she wanted. But she chose him! He thought it was cool at first, but now all his self doubts are hitting him full force and all he wants to do is run. I don't know the whole story... IMHO, I would say the talking about other guys is crossing a line. But it depends on how she's saying it. If she's just saying she loves guy's with a certain hair cut in hopes he'll cut/style his hair that way, then yeah, maybe she's going about it wrong, but she's not trying to damage his self-worthy by saying it. If he's never said how her comments bother him, then how can she know? I've known several relationships where both partners will pick out hot people of the opposite sex and comment on them. To each their own. I guess I'm just saying.. he can cut his loses now and break up with her... or he could face this like a man. Admit that he has weaknesses and fight to change them, or let them rule his entire life.
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