skeptik224 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 For about the 12th day in a row, I awoke with a weird, anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't know why. The emptiness without you goes to the depths of my soul. We didn't fight. We didn't cheat. We didn't yell, scream or hit. We had fun. We enjoyed life to the fullest - together. We made lists of life's experiences we wanted to share with each other. We crossed sexual boundaries together - feeling safe to explore the unknown. We made love in every room in my house, my dresser, the deck, in Las Vegas, my office, that "place" down the street. All your photo's are down and put away. All letters put in a secret place. Trying to erase the memory of you - the love of my life. You and I were everywhere. You left when things were great. How can closure be found? How can you be sleeping with other people - dating - hanging out - without me? I often find myself wondering if you are truly happy. A month ago, I looked in your eyes and could tell you weren't. Your sould just as empty as mine only I'm not afraid. I didn't run away from you scared because I wasn't ready. I didn't throw you away to date around. I didn't pull your best friend aside and declare my love for you like you did to mine. If we had hooked up 6 months later - after you dealt with things, we'd still be going strong. That's what you said. You are one of the greatest people I know...so amazing. That's what you told my friend. I don't doubt that I am the love of your life. My friend says. She saw the seriousness in your eyes as you said how you miss me so bad and want to still date me. She saw the fire in your heart burning for me. But, why? Why did you have to run away? Leaving me empty, alone and looking for a needle and thread to sew the broken pieces of my heart back together. Are you still in therapy? Working on you? You don't like where you live...I'm sure you do everything possible to stay away. You are a very blunt person so why can't I believe the things you've said? Because you are full of empty promises and games - unintentional but games none-the-less. As I sit here - broken hearted - thinking of you - crying - missing you...I wonder...when will you call again? You are the love of my life - someday our roads will cross a 2nd time. Until then, I need to avoid you and move on....alone and brokenhearted. A victim of the game...
Rainswept77 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Sometimes things make no sense Skeptic. and we waste alot of time and energy trying to figure out what went wrong sometimes years. take it from me. We thought we knew the person really well just to turn out we really didn't know them at all. I guess we'll never really know........ Thank you for this personal piece Skeptik Here is something I keep in my wallet, that I read when I'm at work, or out somewhere. "All around us is transient, subject to change. What causes us suffering is to try to hang on to what is impermanent. Liberation comes when you find that which does not change, within yourself." Regards ~RS77
Author skeptik224 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 Thanks, Rainswept. Your wallet-piece makes a lot of sense. I just may copy you and put it in my wallet as well.
Geoffrey Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 as i was leaving....i leaned down, took her sweet head so very gently in my hands....kissed her long and tenderly on her forehead, and said, "Farewell, my beloved." Boy, do I know how you feel.
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