honda12345 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Today marks my 4th day of NC and 1 week since my bf broke up with me. I still miss him terribly. And I still want to get him back. I am his first love. I am especially weak at nights and in the mornings. I keep thinking that he doesn't even care what I am doing and that all he cares now is to meet new someone else to replace me. In less than 2 weeks (Feb 1), it would have been our 2-year anniversary and I donno what to do? Call him and break NC? I am sorry with all the random thoughts. I need some support here. I still miss him, i still fantasize about him, i still love him.
slubberdegullion Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Honda, don't break NC. It will just put you back where you were and make it harder on you. Yes, it's difficult, but there's no easy way to go about this. So stay strong, keep posting if you wish (it can be very theraputic), stay socially connected and be positive. You'll be fine.
Author honda12345 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 Am i allowed to talk to his friends and see how he is doing or what's on his mind?
slubberdegullion Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 No. As far as you're concerned, he's been removed from the planet. Look, the point of NC is to give yourself time to heal and re-establish yourself and your balance. Every time you make contact with him, directly or indirectly, you'll be making it that much more difficult to move on. Now, if you're really adamant on contacting him again, no one can telll you not to. But, if history is any judge, it will cause you more problems than it will solve. Trust me on this; I know whereof I speak.
Author honda12345 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 So what was your experience like? did she call back? how long did it take? Thanks for writing.
slubberdegullion Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Yes, she did eventually call me back, only to tell me to not contact her again as she had found someone new. I was crushed. But it was my own fault; I should have stuck to NC.
UT_longhorn Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 honda. day 4 for me was one of the most difficult days for me when i initiated NC. please keep it up and do not contact him. the first week is the most difficult. go to amazon.com and look for break up books or coping books. many of these you can purchase and download. or go to the bookstore and find some books. that will get you out of the house as well. honda...i know its hard. but do not stay at home and think. that will drive you crazy. you must stay active.
Author honda12345 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 Its very difficult because i can see him online. But I cant talk to him. I deleted him many times off my list (not block), but then i would add him back just to see what he is doing. Maybe he already deleted me off his list so he wont know if i m online or not. How silly am i? If he IMs, what to do? Write back? ignore? I would prefer a phone call. O well, lets hope we all can stick together and some of us will hear good news soon :-(
Geoffrey Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 .....but the heart NEVER does. I know just how you feel, dear.
In Sync Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Sometimes we are own worst enemy...do yourself a favor of being able to determine his actions online, this is a form of NC, because it puts you on a endless threadmill wondering about him. 4 days is relatively early, and perhap your bf may even feel the need to communicate with you (even in a healthy realtionship 4 days of not communicating with ones bf is just downtime..A breather. Since I don't know what the details were that involved your breakup..was their a history of fights, was it simply he wanted to explore dating others, I mean what motivated the split. Did he explain why he broke it off? As also were you completely satisfied in thos relationship? If you were his first love it and he was feeling the need to move on though hard to accept now, because of course you miss him..do you think in all honesty it could be a good thing for you to try to be on your own for a bit? These are questions you can reflect on in the time of NC. Not checking out what he's doing online...
Geoffrey Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 since my ex and I broke up....and although it is much better now than it was after 4 days.....it still isn't easy at times....
Author honda12345 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 Sometimes we are own worst enemy...do yourself a favor of being able to determine his actions online, this is a form of NC, because it puts you on a endless threadmill wondering about him. 4 days is relatively early, and perhap your bf may even feel the need to communicate with you (even in a healthy realtionship 4 days of not communicating with ones bf is just downtime..A breather. Since I don't know what the details were that involved your breakup..was their a history of fights, was it simply he wanted to explore dating others, I mean what motivated the split. Did he explain why he broke it off? As also were you completely satisfied in thos relationship? If you were his first love it and he was feeling the need to move on though hard to accept now, because of course you miss him..do you think in all honesty it could be a good thing for you to try to be on your own for a bit? These are questions you can reflect on in the time of NC. Not checking out what he's doing online... We dated for almost 2 years. Yes we had a history of fights over silly things. It got worse when I moved 4 hrs away for a job last June. At the end of the relationship, I kept asking him if he lost interest in our relationship. I sensed something was different by the way he kissed and the lack of sex. He said he still loved me very much. So I trusted him. But then on the day he dumped me, he said he fell out of love with me months ago and that I cannot give him trust. He said I called him a lot and pushed him over the edge :-( He said he still has feelings for me and he loves me. Its just not the way it used to be. And he told me that it's not possible that we will ever get back together. I asked for maybe 2 more weeks of trying. And he said he doesnt want to waste any more of his time. he was crying really hard when he broke up with me. I told him I still love him very much and I want him to be happy. So i will respect his decision and judgement. So thats it, 4 days later i m here still missing him and loving him and wondering if there is ever a second chance.
CaliGuy Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Can someone post her NO FOOLIN'S guide to NC.
JumpHigh Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I am going through something very similar at the moment. And it has been 3weeks for me. My advise to you is keep busy. Even if you are just going through the motions at the moment. At least you will keep your mind off of him and the situation. Things will get better, but it takes time. I have found that it is probably better not to find out about how he is doing from his friends. It hurts if you find out that he is doing fine without you. Just remember focus on yourself and do things that make you happy. If you guys are meant to be, then it will happen.
In Sync Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 honda12345, Based on what you written, I think at this point you must accept his decision. Calling him, writing him or any form of attempting to contact him will be to no avail at this point. This is hard, the stages of NC, but it will feel worse and become more humiliating if you pursue him. Not all relationship can last in life. He grew apart and his feelings changed. Be grateful that he was respectful towards you and gave you a reason for his change of feelings. No, it doesn't make it feel better, but you are not left hanging and wondering. So many of us who have been "dumped" by someone they loved didn't even get a phone call or e-mail, at least this guy was honest.Trust me no matter what you do, twisting and trying to change yourself or fixing it, will not reverse his decision now. You must severe all contact, for you own good and that does mean, not checking to see him on-line. There must be a way to block his name out. Four days is early and the days will be rough, but your pain is natural to feel. Write here and keep busy do things you enjoy. Each day is a goal for you to rediscover yourself now.
CaliGuy Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 What is that? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954
riobikini Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Honda, Here is a link that will help you. CaliGuy and I are familiar with it, as well as many, many others. It is geared towards men, as it is written in the first person, but it's kick-ass material for anyone. NoFoolin's link is absoultely AMAZING and produces results like no other post I have ever seen on LS. Read it, absorb it, and keep it always nearby. And, Honda, -you will get through this -I promise- it's not fatal. It only feels like it. Here's that important link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=56954 Hugs to you, -I know you can use them. (Smile) -Rio
Author honda12345 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 Wow. that really hurt like hell. He changed his status back to "Single" and removed his profile picture (of us). And under "Looking for", he now lists "Friends, dating, relationship, random play, whatever i can get." I am heartbroken. Really.
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Wow. that really hurt like hell. He changed his status back to "Single" and removed his profile picture (of us). And under "Looking for", he now lists "Friends, dating, relationship, random play, whatever i can get." I am heartbroken. Really. "Whatever I can get??" Really now, what have you lost? Doesn't seem like much.
Author honda12345 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 That really blew my mind. I can't believe someone can forget and move on soo quickly. And he is looking to "date, random play and whatever he can get" already? What have I done to him? I just thought that maybe he still loves me a little tiny bit. I mean at least have the courtesy to just list "looking for friends" just for the time being. I am so hurt. I dont think I can come up with any more excuses for myself or for him or for our relationship anymore. Right now, in my mind, i am picturing him dating and randomly hooking up with other people. I m so jealous and hurt. I am speechless.
CaliGuy Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 That really blew my mind. I can't believe someone can forget and move on soo quickly. And he is looking to "date, random play and whatever he can get" already? What have I done to him? I just thought that maybe he still loves me a little tiny bit. I mean at least have the courtesy to just list "looking for friends" just for the time being. I am so hurt. I dont think I can come up with any more excuses for myself or for him or for our relationship anymore. Right now, in my mind, i am picturing him dating and randomly hooking up with other people. I m so jealous and hurt. I am speechless. As with any breakup, the person doing the dumping has moved on well before the actual breakup occurs. They have someone else in mind to fill the void you are leaving. That is why it's so easy for them to move on. The dumpee, suprised, hasn't been looking nor do they have anyone else in mind so they are left with a big void to fill. Your pride is hurt, your self-esteem damaged and your confidence, limping. Knowing the Ex can move on so easy should not come as a surprise. You know you had problems in the relationship. So focus on yourself, what you can do to improve and really learn to let go. Being jealous is a natural reaction but understand you can't do anything to stop him/her from dating someone else and fretting over it is pointless. All it does is delay your healing process. I'm sure my ex is boinking her new bf. I don't care, really. I'm confident with who I am. I think she only stayed with me for the sex, really. So I take what I can from that. I was good in the sack but had some self-esteem issues to work on. Now that those issues are resolved I'm in good shape to meet someone else and rock HER world Someone else is going to benefit from my bad experience with the ex. I learned some valuable lessons. Focus on learning, improving and not making the same mistakes. You'll be better off in the long run.
cal gal Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 You just need to do things differently! That will help you to move forward and stay positive about each day! When I told my husband "not to come home" IT KILLED ME to say that to him! I have loved so many things about him for soooo many years. Not all people who initiate NC feel that their emotions are no longer there. It just helps to move forward if things are not the same as they used to be (reminders=triggers). I was with him for 24 yrs; and married 20. I will always love and admire alot of things about him however I expect someone to love me as much as I love them and to always be faithful. Sad to say - he couldn't do the faithful thing.
Author honda12345 Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 I think I am feeling much better now. I feel a bit angry and disrespected. Maybe I just need someone to completely knock me over so i can pick myself up again. It just hurts that that someone is someone who used to love me.
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