Tangerina Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 There is this really cute guy in a lot of my classes... he is basically studying a lot of the same things as me and is really sweet and outgoing and we've been chilling a bit... so I had a minor crush on him... nothing serious or worth a seond thought, I am in a kickass relationship with a kickass guy and I am the super committed uber-monogomous type, but still was crushin a bit and it made me feel a tiny bit guilty... haha, but I just found his myspace profile and turns out he identifies as gay and now I am like "cool, I can totally have as big a crush as I want on him now!!!" I guess since he is completely unavailable and I am completely unavailibe it seems better than when I thought he might be available... this happen to anyone else?
d'Arthez Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 It has not happened to me. So I won't share experiences. And the next is not to bash, but things I think you should keep in mind. Even though he identifies himself as gay, that is by no means a 100% guarantee that he will identify himself as gay for the rest of his life. This is not to bash anyone, but to point out that for some people sexual identity is not constant. Nor does it mean, that if the crush develops completely, you can simply say to yourself: "But he is gay, so it is pointless to be crushing." It will have a serious impact on you then. I'd be a bit more careful. And there seems to be a contradiction here: you consider yourself to be "uber-monogamous" while at the same time you are glad that he is unavailable? It should not make a difference, given your "uber-monogamy."
witabix Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Hmm... Tangerina. How would your bf feel? What if this guy is bi? What if he is just arsing around on his website? Remember whatever he is he is not another woman. I've had an SO who was kinda big into gay men, usually her hairdressers. Their flamboyance and style was what mainly attracted her to them, and she would get all gushy when she spoke of them. Didn't really bother me much. But I still decided to have a bit of a laugh. One of them started to come into the bar I was working at the time, he was a tall blond, Australian I think. I could see why the SO at the time said it was such a shame he was gay. So anyway he was talking to me, in a kinda flirty way, nothing ridiculous or over the top or anything, and I told her that he had been in and had been eyeing me up. Ha! The look on her face was a picture!! I never heard another word about him, and she changed hairdressers.
Citizen Erased Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I have this friend Matt, and he is ... well let me just say Flamboyant! In between my ex and current b/f, I kinda had a thing for him, that is til I met my current b/f. If I didnt know Matt was gay, I so would have tried it on with him. He has good style, great body etc, but I certainly dont feel relieved now im with my boyfriend that Matt's gay cos you shouldnt really have to feel relief if you're not fully committed.
Author Tangerina Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 GEEZ.... I made two lame posts last night cuz I was bored and both got responses warning me that somehow I am maybe not 100% faithful to me bf or not 100% into him or that I need to be "careful..." I just thought this was a funny social commentary is all... haven't you ever, god forbid even in a relationship, been like "oooh, he's/she's cute"? I know that isn't what you are warning me about but because I seem to have some feeling attached to it but I assure oyu I don't, I just don't think I explained myself well.... I have absolutely no real feelings for this guy, he is just a cute friend but my roomie and I were joking together about how he was cute and it made me feel a bit guilty and then I found out he was gay and I was like... "Haha, sweet, now I can think he is cute and not feel guilty"... even if he turns straight or bi or whatever that doesn't change the fact that I don't really have any feelings for him, I am not one of those wierd ladies who likes to attract a million gay guy friends for some sort of creepy "will and grace-ish" thing..... plus I am uber-monogomous which is WHY I feel guilty thinking of other guys even a little bit even though my BF and I agree that a bit of harmless flirting is ok in our relationship... I am so crazy about my boyfriend, I'm not looking for anything.... and yeah, I wouldn't have any problem telling my BF the story below, I just think it came off wierd in the post.... nevermind...... I also think why I felt relieved was that it was fun for my roomie and I to make a new hang out friend but you do have to admit that sometimes it is wierd to have friends of the opposite sex because attraction can come into it (I don't mean like cheating or crushes, I just mean it can be a tension) so it was relieving to find out that that might not be a problem here.... there are a lot of jerks in college trying to get into your pants and you think you just made a friend but it turns out, nope, they just want some booty! whatever.... n/m....
Author Tangerina Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 I'd be a bit more careful. And there seems to be a contradiction here: you consider yourself to be "uber-monogamous" while at the same time you are glad that he is unavailable? It should not make a difference, given your "uber-monogamy." d'arthez, I see what you are saying but I am not "glad he is unavailable" because it's like "whew, save me from myself!!!" but just because it is nice to make friends where there is no chance for sexual tension coming into things.... like I said, I don't mean like crushes or cheating, I just mean that attraction can make things awkward... that is what I should have said in my original post anyways... "attraction" not "crush" since crush implies some feelings..... I just meant that when I found out he was gay I was like "nice, I can be attracted to him without worrying about giving him "signals" or "the wrong idea"....
whichwayisup Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Just enjoy the crush as it is. Nothing more, nothing less. It's harmless, it's cute and that is that. I think some around here think a crush means it will turn into an obession and/or you'll pursue the guy. Gay or not! And really, it isn't! Crushes are fun and innocent as long as they don't cross any lines or get talked about.
Author Tangerina Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 Thanks whichway! You said in a few sentances what I tried to say in a lot of grumpy 6am avoiding studying for the exam I had at 9 and ended up getting 100% on sentances.........
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