marli Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 A few years ago I divorced after almost 10 years of marriage. I really had not dated much at all, until 6 months ago when I met a wonderful guy. We are both in our mid-late 30's, divorced and I have a child. In the short amount of time we have a real connection both emotionally and physically. So what is the problem? He received a call from his ex girlfriend last week who told him that she finally got up the nerve to call and tell him that she is pregnant with his twins and is due next month!!!!! He is upset and my head is spinning. Obviously this happened before we met. He keeps telling me that he would not blame me if I left him or says he thinks it would be best if he just left me now because I do not deserve to be put through this after everything my ex husband put me through. When we talk about this (which is alot) he tells me that he does not love this woman and after being divorced he does not want to marry someone just because of the kids. My first thought was to stick by this wonderful guy and help him in any way that I can, but he keeps telling me that his life will be crazy and I should go. My heart is telling me something else. I have a couple of questions, like has anyone heard of a situation like this before? Do you think a relationship could handle a strain like this? Is he correct that our life will be too crazy and I am just being blind? Looking forward to hearing thoughts and opinions!
flowergirl Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Sounds like too much drama to me. I'd back off for awhile until it's all sorted out, and then after that, if he proves to be worthy, maybe take it slowly. good luck, girl.
loony Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 How long does it take to get a divorce through? Less than nine months? So, when did he sleep with her the last time? Was it during their marriage, during the divorce process or after the divorce? In any case, I'd be careful with this guy.
d'Arthez Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Loony I think you are misreading. Fact is: his ex-gf is 8 months pregnant, one month to go. Fact is: she met the guy 6 months ago. So there is a period of time, that OP and this guy were not together. So anything might have happened, without there being a breach of trust (cheating). And it seems strange to me to refer to your ex-wife as an ex-gf, so I think this girl is someone else than the ex-wife. The twins will be part of his life. And he has no legal obligation to be part of the kids lives (other than the financial obligations), nor is he forced to marry his ex-gf, because she is pregnant. The questions are for him to answer: does he want to be involved in the lives of his children? Does he want shared custody, or whatever? Were they careless with the birth-control, or was he deceived in one way or the other? There are so many possibilities. Only when he knows the answer to some of these questions, you have room to discuss your relationship with this man. And the more involved he wants to be in the lives of his children, the more strain it will put on your relationship with him. And what about the situation of the mother? Is she able to take care of herself? There are so many things to consider, that it is hard to say whether or not this will prove a mission impossible for you - and there might be a lot of hidden tension between the two of them, which may be highly detrimental to you building a relationship with him.
loony Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Loony I think you are misreading. Yep, I'm a bit unconcentrated today.
bluechocolate Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 How long does it take to get a divorce through? Less than nine months? So, when did he sleep with her the last time? Was it during their marriage, during the divorce process or after the divorce? In any case, I'd be careful with this guy. loony - she said they're both divorce & then refers to his ex-girlfriend, so unsure about that status (re: ex-wife or ex-girlfriend). ---------------------- marli - many couples have relationships where they have children from another marriage/relationship. For instance - you have a child. If your heart is telling you something different then don't give up on him. I doubt he's going to have full custody anyway so his life might just be crazy only part-time. Having said that, his focus may change drastically & 6 months may not be enough of a past to get you both through. Then again, your experience at already being a Mother could be a real boon to him. Do you want to take on that role? I don't really understand why this should have to be a deal-breaker. Why doesn't he want to play it by ear & see how things go, rather than predicting an outcome that may not come to pass?
lilmoma1973 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Being a step mom it can have it's good and bad points when taking on someone else's child.. I know you have a kid and he is excepting yours but women can be harder to deal with and they don't won't noone else in their child's life.. I'm not saying it can't work but be in store for alot of conflict in your life and he probably knows that this women will cause havoc in your life!!
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