Torn over volunteering... am I doing the right thing?

[boshemia]

Sorry guys, I'm a little bummed tonight and thought I'd ask your opinion.

 

A year ago I was asked to take on a volunteer position with a youth group. I thought maybe I would enjoy it. It turned out I loved it, I love the kids and love working with them. They make me smile, and they love me too. Everytime I go somewhere and run into one of them, they run u and give me a big hug. Not just the smaller kids but the older ones as well. Pre-ttens hugging you isn't that common you know. Our group has grown quite a bit since I started, and alot of them are there just because I promised them that they would have fun.

 

The beginning of this school year one of the kid's grandmother started helping out. She helped get snack ready, hand out materials stuff like that. About two months ago things started getting back to me, this woman was saying bad things about me. She said one girls grandmother was upset because on a trip out of town I didn't feed her granddaughter, and that she came back with no money out of the $10 she had taken.

 

I was very proud of my involvement with this group, and felt that I was somewhere I was supposed to be. Well this grandmother starts saying other things about me and I was concerned. By a family connection I acquired a $300 donation. I planned to use the money for my age group of girls, because last year we promised them a special trip and they were not able to raise the full amount to go. I wanted the girls to take that trip... we promised them. Well the other two leaders got upset, they felt that the donation should be split evenly between the three groups rather than go to all one group.Only by the time it got back to me I was being accused of stealing my own money. Somehow a good thing had turned into a really bad thing. So I split the money between every troop but my own. Figuring that we could raise money easier than they could... so we could make it up later.

 

The Grandmother was saying other things about me, like when I was in charge the girls were out of control. They weren't focusing on badges as much as fun, I wasn't doing my job... I tried talking to her, but she denied ever saying any of it...

 

So I got frustrated and stepped down from helping her in the younger groups and figured that she would have her control over the other groups so I could work with the older girls. She seemed like a bit of a control freak... and she wanted me to turn the meetings into classroom time. I thought I was there to help them have fun and learn something at the same time, she seemed to think I was suppoed to sit down, shut up, and here's a worksheet. If they wanted that they could just stay after school two hours a week.

 

So anyways... Two moths now my life has been in turmoil. We called a meeting with our head advisor and she was very dissapointed with the attitude over money. The Grandmother said she had no problem with me at all. We discussed which girls were staying with me and which were staying with her. Several of the girls had told me they were staying with me, but the grandmother said no, she had spoken with all of them and they wanted to stay. She hum hawed through the whole meeting and we all left best of friends. We went out to luch after... I thought maybe being called on it straightened her out, and everything was fine.

 

Since we were breaking off from the bigger group my troop consisted of four girls since I had been told that several of them were staying in the old group. My daughter, her best friend and two others. One of the others says she doesn't want to come now, her mother is being very short with me. The other girl told me tonight that she has been contacting all of the girls saying that they aren't going to have any fun with me blah blah blah... but the girl wants to be in my group.

 

I am tired of all of the drama. I was doing this because it made me feel good, and my life has been a mess for two months now. I've had several of the local boys approcah me about becoming a leader for them too and I can't. So I've been thinking about starting my own non-profit group. Just a small one, but we are a small town and a lot of the kids are bring left out. I'm an artist/writer and it made sense to me to start a group where we find out what the kids are good at and help them find ways to use it...

 

I was going to see about having both but it hit me tonight... this woman is going arouns town ruining my reputation because I'm not a good enugh VOLUNTEER? I'm not even getting paid for this, and if it were a job I would have quit. I stayed because I was doing this for the kids... I've already lost most of my kids, and the three girls that are staying with me will stay no matter what...

 

I'm afraid to move on... but I'm not sure what I'm staying for anymore. At the time I stayed because of the girls who hugged me and ask me not to go... but now it seems that they aren't real fond of me. Kids are fickle I know...

 

So am I doind the right thing by quitting? I still feel a responsibility to the girls. I promised them I would stay... and some of them may want to move up later... but it seems to me I should be doing something I love... I'm really confused... Would you quit???

[Outcast]

I would have documented every problem with this lady and presented it to the head of the organization. You've done a fairly good job here but it needs to be written a bit more carefully and clearly. Then go see the head and discuss your problems with her without the lady around. The problem with the world is that rotten people mistreat good people until the good people go away. Try not to let it get to you and try to deal with it with the head. Ask the head to talk to some of the kids away from the problem lady and ask them their opinion of you.

[d'Arthez]

Have to agree with Outcast. There are tons of possible motives, including that nothing happened (in the eyes of the heads). But it seems unlikely.

Now, if you document everything clearly, it is probably easier to spot patterns in what happened in the past months. And perhaps the heads can assess the situation from a different perspective as well, thus gaining valuable insights.

 

Kids are fickle creatures at times, but only when given a reason. It would be insane to think that all norms and values concerning showing affection have changed that rapidly in two months time.

[a4a]

I deal with NPOs day in and day out. This kind of drama is unfortunate but pretty typical. I would take you concerns to the director and present them.

 

Keep in mind even if you only have 4 girls in your group you are making a difference!

 

a4a