sad12day Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 he told me the other day that his feelings had changed. that he loved me more as a freind then as a girlfriend. but then he went on to say that he doesnt love his friends. which made me hope and think that he still felt something a little more for me. he says it doesnt feel like a relationship, it just feels like friends. i can see what he means so am trying to fix it. we.ve grown apart cos he doesnt like to show affection in front of others as he gets embarrassed. so i stopped tring n we just kind of grew apart. what he really needs is time to himself but its so hard. i msgd him last night and never heard anything so i msgd this morning and he hasnt writtin back. i know i have to give him time to see if it will fix this but its so hard. ive havent spent a wkd away from him in so long n its hurts so much n its so hard. i worry that after going through it all it still wont fix things. i asked him if he thought it would help and he didnt know. so i asked if that meant there was a chance it would n he said i guess so. so i hoping that means he thinks theres a chance. we were together 4 two years n this has turned my world upside down. he told a friend he just wanted to be alone. he told me he doesnt wana be with any1 else n i believe him. its been weird for about a month cos thats when he got housemates so when hes not with me hes still got no time alone. do you think theres a chance 4 us? he says he doesnt wana give me false hope n that he doesnt think there is any hope of him changing his mind. basically hes not sure. he also said he didnt wana go on a break in case it gave me false hope. i keep thinking there is hope cos when we r together i can still feel something between us n he still calls me the names he used to. little pet names n stuff. everything is still the same except now he doesnt know if he loves me enough to continue a relationship with me. he says he will still come visit as a freind n stuff but thats not what i want. i want to be with him. any1 know what i should do?
suzie sweet Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 i was in sim situation my boyfriend & i broke up day b4 new yrs eve, id left my husband to be with him everything was fine whilst we were having the affair but when my husband left and i was making future plans with my boyfriend he was going along with everything, he was great told me all the lovey stuff etc & i really believed everything he said we were so happy 2gether.,everything was perfect.we`d been 2gether a yr but had been close friends previously for 3,But then all of a sudden BANG...Out of the blue he came round upset saying he didnt wana loose me cudnt handel my friendship with my x hubby, i knew it was all excuses i believe he had gotten in too deep but felt awfull after me giving up my marrage,for the 1st 2 wks i was like u sending messages he even called round a couple of times but now ive stopped the contact and he`s probably relieved.What my point is sounds to me your fella is loving u doing the chasing and holding on to somet that isnt there anymore it makes a man on his high horse wen a woman is chasing and telling him she cant live without him etc,Stop boosting his ego..When i asked my fella he said he still loves me but he feels so insecure(rubbish i did nothing to make him feel that way)All excuses. I asked if he felt we cud go back to the way we were his reply been "at the moment no but who knows in the future"an easy way of letting me down cos if he loved me he`d b frightened i met someone else in the futre,he also did same as yours everytime i text him he was egnoring me and that hurt even more i felt like i didnt exsist and that he cudnt bear to text me back like he hated me.So my advice to you flower is leave well alone YES it`s hard and ye probably 4ever checking ye phone and taking it to bed incase he calls late, but if a man loves you he will fight through fire and water to be with you and if u keep chasing and u do get back 2gether u will never know if he truly loves u,Let him cum to u then u will have your true answer,if u do happen to cum face to face with him and you question him about your relationship keep a check on his face cos i found wen i cornered mine with questions he cudnt look at me wen giving me the answers so that told me a lot.How old are you have you been through break ups b4 best of luk and just remember theres others out there feeling same as you and things happen for a reason whats meant to be is meant to be, i cringe now at the thought of having a man in my life it`ll take me a long time to trust a man and his sloppy i love ye loads kind of words cos he has hurt me so intensively GUD LUCK x
Citizen Erased Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 The worse thing I have ever experienced was when the my ex looked me straight in the eye and told me he didn't love me. Two days later he said that everything was cool, he was just confused etc. 2 months later, it happened again. I just grew really tired of being the one to fight, it was all for nothing cos you shouldnt have to fight for a guy, trying to convince him that they do love you. In the end, I was so emotionally drained that I realised I didnt feel anything, let alone love for that bastard. I dumped his arse quick smart (esp seeing as he was getting really controlling, trying to say who I could be friends with, what clothing I could wear etc, ANNOYING!) Don't end up like me, so drained by a relationship it takes months to feel emotion. I remember from when I was fifteen 'No boy is worth you tears, and any that are worth it wont make you cry.' Very wise for kids! This guy is thriving on you chasing him, and so this makes him USELESS! Your needs arent being met, his are. This should not be so. It should be about compromise and you are the one who appears to be doing all of the compromising!
Author sad12day Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 hey thanks for yor advice. i saw him, last night while i was out n it was really weird. when i talked to him i asked if he missed me. he said it felt weird. the only thing stopping me from crying all the time is the hope this will work out. unfoirtunately that hope is fading pretty quickly. A friend asked us out last night n he told her we'd broken up. n when i said to him that i thought it wasnt official yet he said well nothings changed so far. but its only been like a day. i suppose ill c after the weekend. we havent spent a wkd apart in a very long time so this will b v hard 4 me n weird for him. no i dont have experience in this sorta stuff. im only 19 n we've been together since i left school. i never thought hed be the kind of guy to enjoy being chased but mayb you're right. but i dont think he is enjoying this cos i can see how bad he feels. i thought mayb id ask him out on a date this monday after i finish work cos it'll be our anniversary but it will probably only get my hopes up. yes i know im compromising a fair bit but i really dont want to be apart from him. im trying anything ican think of i thought time apart would make him realise that he still wants to be with me but i dont know how long that will take. or even if that will happen after i left last night i msgd asking if mayb we could start again, which is where the dating idea came from. that way he would get the time to himself n mayb fall back in love with me. didnt reply tho. not msging again. im waiting til at least sunday b4 i MIGHT call. somehow i dont think its going to work. n i should prob wait for him to call me but im so scared he wont n that he will find someone else instead. he has said he doesnt wana b with any1 else n 2 him it would feel like cheating cos we've only been broken up ( ) for short time. but how long will that last? basically hes come to the conclusion that he doesnt love me enough anymore. he said he loves me a bit more than his friends. only a BIT. so really there isnt much hope is there?? :(
suzie sweet Posted January 21, 2006 Posted January 21, 2006 Oh honey bun he`s ignoring you cos he dosnt wan it any more ,cos if he did he`d answer you back wudnt he? Turn the tables around and imagine some1 you didnt wana be with was messaging you,you wud ignore it cos by replying you wud get his hopes up,This is what your bloke is doing to you he really hasnt got the balls to tell you the truth cos Yes he will care for you and have feelings for ye so he dosnt wana hurt ye.If he really needs space and wot not you are gona irritate him by chasing him It`s so hard i know but you MUST leave him alone,he`s probably expecting a call on mon for ye anniversary so suprise him AND DONT THAT`LL OPEN HIS EYES.It hurts very much when theyve ignored your texts dosnt it? So if he gets in touch with you make him sweat a while and let him feel the hurt to be ignored 1
Author sad12day Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 i dont want to hurt him cos i do still love him. but i will do as u suggested n not contact him. i will wait 4 him to contact me. if he still cares he will contact me 4 our anniversary unless he feels too guilty. either way i will leave it n wait 4 him 2 contact me if he wishes. the only prob is he wants to remain friends, we've always said we would if it doesnt work out. guess ill c how it goes. have pretty much given up hope of us getting back together. n damn does it hurt. as i said previously he has been my whole world for the past two years. at least i was smart enough to still keep some friends n not ditch em for a guy like many apparently do. unfortunately tho not really in mood for going out right now. i know i know give it time. im sick of giving time, im getting impatient why cant something go right for once. i think he doesnt know what he wants right now cos hes been going through tough times. mayb he thinks its for the best so he can concentrate on that. but he never realised the stuff he went through, i went through too. he was so used to dealing with stuff on his own. i dont want him to have to go through it on his own but i cant force him to let me be there 4 him just like i cant force him to love me again. even if he does love me a little bit more than as a freind thats not enough. i need real love. i want what we used to have. i suppose ill find that one day again, i just hope i dont push it away cos im afraid of being hurt again. i stupidly hoped that i could go through life without getting a broken heart. guess thats just not possible eh?
Author sad12day Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 was thinking of sending a message. im not even sure we are on a break cos if we were he wouldnt have told ppl wed broken up n he also said he didnt wana go on a break cos itd get my hopes up. so thought i might send this: Even tho i wanted this to be a break it isnt is it? cos u wouldnt have told cheri wed broken up if it was hey? do u plan on coming to see me or contact me wnytime soon? if u still wana at least reamin friends ur guna hav2 contact me sooner or later. WB what u think? and when should i send it. he told me feelings had changed tuesday morning. he saw me that night n wed night, we talked about it these nights n thats when i suggested a break away from each other to give him time to think. i msgd him thurs night n on friday without getting a reply. then i ran in2 him at pub fri night n spoke to him. also msgd him after got home from pub that night but i havent contacted him since. is it 2 soon to send msg. n if so when can i??
Author sad12day Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 well i msgd him n we talked on the phone soon after. hes gonna come round today after work. he feels nothing for me so i dunno whats guna happen, itll prob just upset me more but at least i can get some q's answered. he thought id been checking up on him through a freind, one of his housemates, n when i confronted her she just got ****ty n said that hed obviously got it wrong. so now shes mad at me. i apoligised but id say shes probably bitching about me right now with the other housemate. i will find out exactly what she said this arv from him. but ive already apoligised to her n theres nothing else i can do. ill rpob never see her again cos i dont see us ever working it out. he just wants to be friends. so i gotta settle for that. i guess i will see this afternoon if he really does have no more feelings for me. i d say not cos it was very hard for him to tell me in the first place. i just thought it was cos of lack of intimacy, but how can i fix that when he doesnt wana b with me anymore. i hate sleeping alone, i hate being alone. i want him back
suzie sweet Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Dont wana be harsh but i did tell you didnt i? I gather he didnt wana celebrate ye anniversary either.Wot is he cuming over for? a talk??? Talk bout what he`s made it pretty clear asnt he.I bet ye feel sick in the stomach dont u, well just let him do all the talking, b4 he cums get the questions sorted out in ye hed or write em down cos u wont b able to move on till u av answers even though he`l prob give u a load of bull.... and make excuses,Think bout it this way if u did give it a go again de ye really think it wud b how it used to b or will u b luking for those little signs again that he`s maybe getting fed up CUD U REALLY LIVE LIKE THAT i cudnt,IVE TRIED let us know wot he`s said later, gud luk.R u in england by the way,I am, just wondering bout the time diffrence if ye abroad
Author sad12day Posted January 24, 2006 Author Posted January 24, 2006 no im in aus. we talked n sorted some stuff out. your right things wouldnt have been the same. in time everything will be fine but i just hate waiting for that. im very impatient. we may become friends i dont know, we'll see what happens
suzie sweet Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 well i wanted to b friends with my ex and thats wot we were untill 2 wks ago, i realised i cudnt move on whilst he was popping over for coffee etc, cos everytime i was looking for a sign the way he luked at me or wotever so then i knew while he`s in me life i cant get over him, so i did no contact for 8 days neither did he.He`s not used to me ignoring him and staying away he loves to b chased THEN suddenly out the blue i got a message sun morn asking how i am wot ive been up to.I never replied back and still avent but i proved to meself DO no contact and if ye in their thoughts they will get in touch.Anyway lucky u living in australia if its out like on the tv youve got the hot weather and lovely tanned men lying on the beach, so eventually wen ye ready get out there girl lifes for living xx
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