Roarz Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I've been posting a lot about how I've been feeling bad about my ex gf dumping me and having a new boyfriend, but I think the depression I have now is more than just that. I am currently unhappy with how things in my life are, especially in regards to my social life. My 1st year in college, I ignored making any friends, and chose to go home every weekend to spend time with her, because I felt that I didn't need anyone else in my life but her. When she got here, she joined a sorority and made so many friends and then promptly dumped me. She is a very social person and I think I am very jealous of that. I'm jealous that I spent all my time going back to see her and then she comes and lives it up and then promptly drops me. I didn't make any more efforts to make friends last semester because I was wallowing in self pity over her dumping me. All I have here is one friend and my roommate. I think I have a case of social anxiety, whether large or small. Which is weird, because in High School I had a lot of friends, but I can't seem to get it going here. I also think this is a big reason of why she left me, because she wanted someone more like her, someone that is very social. But I'm not trying to improve myself because it might bring her back, I want to do it to improve the quality of my life (but hey, it wouldn't hurt as a bonus). When I am around a complete group of strangers, my mind blanks. I can't think of anything to say at all and just sit there quietly. I want to meet people, but I have no idea how to go about it. I read on another section of these boards that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might help me get over being shy and I am seriously considering it. But before then, I am going to try some self-esteem excercises on the internet and try to meet other people on my own, by making my most sincere effort. How do you start a new social circle in college when you know absolutely no one? Where do you go, what do you do? Can anyone give me some advice? There's also the option of going to another college, where it just so happens everyone I used to know in High School went and it would be much easier to start over there. Do you think it would be running away from the problem to take the easy way out of this?
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Getting out and meeting people and being comfortable just takes practice. When you go, go with your friends. Watch how they interact. Learn and then start practicing. It's the same way with approaching women for the first time. If you haven't practiced on others, you won't have much success. Practice, practice, practice. Don't be afraid to say something stupid. We all do at one time. You've got a lot going for you. Learn to love yourself and be confident in who you are and a whole new world will open up for you.
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 women/men they come and go, but friends will always be by your side...but now you know not to let your life revolve around just one person we all do it, i did it.. what kind of social anxiety?? I meen that could be normal...if your around a bunch of strangers its okay to be shy! maybe bring one of your friends along and you will feel more comfortable...some people are just very out going like that!, and when you do change- she could see that one day and regret it but oh well your changing for your self not her:)
Author Roarz Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 I am actually considering being friends with her in order to meet a lot of people since she seems to know a lot of people. Do you think this would be a bad idea? Or is this just me tricking myself into contact which will cause mixed feelings and such? When I think about it now, now that I know what I am really depressed about, it doesn't seem like this is a bad idea, (I can think about her being with someone else and it doesn't make me sad [i think I was trying to blame my depression on that instead of what the real problem was]) but maybe I am just scrambling for options because I don't know who else to turn to. I don't have any other friends here, they are all at that other college.
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 I do think that is a bad idea, you need your own life- you can find your own group of people! Trust me, ex gf helping you go meet new ppl?? nope doesn't sound too good i dont think!
CaliGuy Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Not a good idea. Get out and start making new friends. Start with some hobbies you like and find other people who share the same interest. You'll have some common things to discuss.
Author Roarz Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 Wow, yeah, thanks for that kick in the head...I think I must have gone temporarily insane to have stooped low enough to have thought of that. I think I am going to get the help of my one other friend here and my sister to help introduce me to people. Once I start meeting people I can meet their friends and everthing should have a domino effect of making my life better. I just hope I don't choke and act all shy and stand offish when the time comes to meet them. I guess I will just constantly monitor myself and make sure I look friendly.
CaliGuy Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Be patient and take your time. No need to be in a rush. Baby steps, crawling, walking to running. That's the order everything should in your life, including your relationships.
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Be patient to good things do come to those who wait !
Author Roarz Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 Thanks for the support guys, it means a lot. I will try to keep you updated. Last time I tried this I failed miserably (friend brought me to a party and I didn't talk to anyone the whole night)...but that was also like a week after the breakup, so I guess it could have just been that.
RZA-Man Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Have u considered joining a frat? How about clubs on campus? I always found that forming study groups with classmates in really hard classes helps. Even if you're shy you'll have something to talk about (the prof's teaching style, the difficulty of the material) and eventually you'll start hanging out with these people outside of class. As a bonus, it's also a great way to meet women. If there's a cute girl in class who's pretty sharp ask to borrow her notes, study with her, or get her to join a study group. You're single and in college. Enjoy yourself!
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