Dating someone of a different religion??

[grace2005]

Would any of you date someone of a different religion or nonreligion? Why or why not? I'm a born again bible believer who looks for the same in another woman first and foremost. That's my number one criteria. That's not the only thing I look for but it's a good start. Sure I could date casually and be friends with someone of a different religion but getting romantically involved is out of the question because we both see the world differently. There's not much in common in that case.

 

I like to talk about Jesus Christ & theological related issues. My relationship with Christ is very important to me. If my SO does not share the same faith then there's very little for us to talk about. There's very little we would have in common. She and I would have different beliefs about what love is all about. We would have different moral convictions. In case some of you were wondering that was not why me and my ex broke up. We both believe in the Jesus of the bible. So even if she's a christian that's still no guarantee of it working out. Even christians argue among themselves not necessarily about religion but about other things.

 

Oh by the way just so those who read this who are not christians if you are thinking of dating a christian exclusively keep in mind that you will most likely run into problems in the sex department. Alot of christians are serious about abstaining from sex until marriage or they feel guilty & convicted after engaging in pre-marital sex. That can become a problem should you choose to date a christian.

[Mz. Pixie]

I would but depending. A different religion yes, as long as they preach Christ crucified and that HE is the only way to get to Heaven. I couldn't ever date someone who didn't believe in that.

[alphamale]

Oh Jesus H. Christ, I could rip this thread apart but I'm going to be nice

 

Even christians argue among themselves not necessarily about religion but about other things.

Catholics and protestants have been at odds for centuries on certain issues. Do you remember the English and the Irish stuff going on?

 

Alot of christians are serious about abstaining from sex until marriage or they feel guilty & convicted after engaging in pre-marital sex. That can become a problem should you choose to date a christian.

there are other religions that are even more strict than the "christians" you are talking about. in most Islamic countries you cannot even date openly. In addition, GRACE2005, most major religions frown upon pre-marital sex. Do your research.

[grace2005]

Will that just reinforces the point I was trying to make. If you don't want to wait until you are married then you are better off dating someone who is atheist or agnostic then.

 

Yes I believe in the Jesus of the bible who died for the sins of all mankind and was buried & rose again the 3rd day. I believe He is the eternal true & living God. He was not a created being. He always existed with the Father in eternity past. He is the alpha & the omega. The first & the last. I believe it is by God's grace alone through faith alone in the crucified & risen Lord & Savior Jesus Christ alone that a man is saved & has eternal life & will go immediately to heaven when he dies.

 

This does not mean that I'm going to give a woman a doctirnal exam when I first meet her. I would have to take the time to get to know them as friends first and from there I will get the gist of what their beliefs and values are. I want to make sure she would support me in the path the Lord is leading me to go to whether it's a theological seminary, full time ministry, missionary, etc. If not then we can still make good friends but we would do better as friends than lovers.

[quankanne]

I like to talk about Jesus Christ & theological related issues. My relationship with Christ is very important to me. If my SO does not share the same faith then there's very little for us to talk about. There's very little we would have in common.

 

interesting that you should bring this up: I think that when you fall in love, you don't necessarily get to pick who you're going to love, so when you do, you've got to re-think a lot of things, like socio-economic status, faith perspective, educational perspective, etc. I've been married for a good while now to a guy who isn't Catholic, who isn't Mexican, who isn't college educated, who isn't professional ... who isn't Texan, for pete's sake, but we've managed to wind up with a lot of the same attitudes/opinions about things. Like faith and religion. I've done my best to educate my heathen Protestant husband about my faith, and about why Catholic view things like marriage and abortion and as seriously as we do; why you can't just say "I'm saved" then go out and be an *sshole about God and Jesus, about how if you say you're something, then you've got to strive each and every day to live as that something ~ saying it doesn't make you it. There's got to be room for grace to occur in every relationship, even if you're not seemingly evenly yoked with that person.

 

 

If you don't want to wait until you are married then you are better off dating someone who is atheist or agnostic then.

 

so if you're a good Christian with intentions of fornicating, then be sure your partner is at least heathen? honey, if you're a good Christian, you're striving not to commit many sins, premarital sex being the biggest one.

[blind_otter]

I'm buddhist. Everyone I've ever dated was a different religion from me. It was never a big problem. I keep my faith to myself. Relgion, to me, is a personal matter.

 

That said, I minored in religion, and have always studied different paths. So I can talk about God and stuff - I even believe that some sort of greater divinity exists, and I enjoy studying the bible as literature, it's a fascinating and many layered book. Then again I have read portions of several different religious texts.

 

My openness towards religion comes from my personal attitude, I guess, and my parents were of different faiths. My Dad was raised baptist and is agnostic. My Mom is Buddhist from Southeast Asia. My parents really stressed being open to allow others to find their own path to divinity -- as long as they are looking, that's what is most important to me.

[mintjulep]

My parents really stressed being open to allow others to find their own path to divinity -- as long as they are looking, that's what is most important to me.

 

That is beautifully said.

[Woggle]

I don't care as long as they are not some evangelical fundie.

[noclobber]

Would any of you date someone of a different religion or nonreligion? Why or why not? I'm a born again bible believer who looks for the same in another woman first and foremost. That's my number one criteria. That's not the only thing I look for but it's a good start. Sure I could date casually and be friends with someone of a different religion but getting romantically involved is out of the question because we both see the world differently. There's not much in common in that case.

 

I like to talk about Jesus Christ & theological related issues. My relationship with Christ is very important to me. If my SO does not share the same faith then there's very little for us to talk about. There's very little we would have in common. She and I would have different beliefs about what love is all about. We would have different moral convictions. In case some of you were wondering that was not why me and my ex broke up. We both believe in the Jesus of the bible. So even if she's a christian that's still no guarantee of it working out. Even christians argue among themselves not necessarily about religion but about other things.

 

Oh by the way just so those who read this who are not christians if you are thinking of dating a christian exclusively keep in mind that you will most likely run into problems in the sex department. Alot of christians are serious about abstaining from sex until marriage or they feel guilty & convicted after engaging in pre-marital sex. That can become a problem should you choose to date a christian.

 

It's 2006! Go back and hide in your cave

[ms_jnj]

Well personally I am Christian, but I will date people of all faiths, as long as a core part of the faith isn't the belief that women need be inferior to men. Yeah I know people argue that point out of the Bible too, I'm just saying that I can't live with someone who actually buys into that part.

 

I feel like...I am Christian, but I am also blonde, female, a graduate student, a musician...the point being that my religion is just one part of who I am, and not the end all, be all. For that reason it comes up occasionally but isn't my main topic of conversation, it's just a part of me, and talking about it without end would be like talking endlessly about being blonde. It would be boring.

 

I'd love to meet someone who shared my faith, but the only ones I've met that do are obsessed with their religion and talk about it, and only it. And usually they have some random fundamentalist beliefs that go along with being Christian, things I often don't even find a part of the Christian religion.

 

I am also of the opinion that the Bible is a figurative work. As in the stories and lessons in it aren't meant to be taken word-for-word literally, it is the message behind the writing that is important. For instance, I do not believe that God really expects people to wait for marriage to have sex. I believe the message behind those parts of the Bible is that you should have care over who you give your body to because there is nothing more personal and of greater worth to give a person. So, that being my belief, I don't do casual sex, but do have sex with people I am in a relationship with.

 

Most men I've met who consider faith an important part of their lives & take the Bible very literally and want to wait for marriage for sex etc. That's not something I want to do, so that's another reason I haven't found someone that shares my faith to be in a relationship with.

 

I guess the bottom line is that I consider a person as a whole, their faith (or lack thereof) being a part of who they are. And if I like who they are, their beliefs have made them who they are, so that's a part of them that I easily accept.

 

Disclaimer: All of the above is my personal opinion and I have no wish to see others adopt it, nor do I judge those that believe differently, this only applies to me personally.

[Marielle]

Well, he's muslim....

and me ...................jewish, how's that????((;

But the love we have for eachother is soooooo big that our beleives do not clash, besides he's the religious one.

 

But he told me that our kids will have the religion they choose.

 

I do think that things can work out if there is love and tolerance

[grace2005]

I like to talk about Jesus Christ & theological related issues. My relationship with Christ is very important to me. If my SO does not share the same faith then there's very little for us to talk about. There's very little we would have in common.

 

interesting that you should bring this up: I think that when you fall in love, you don't necessarily get to pick who you're going to love, so when you do, you've got to re-think a lot of things, like socio-economic status, faith perspective, educational perspective, etc. I've been married for a good while now to a guy who isn't Catholic, who isn't Mexican, who isn't college educated, who isn't professional ... who isn't Texan, for pete's sake, but we've managed to wind up with a lot of the same attitudes/opinions about things. Like faith and religion. I've done my best to educate my heathen Protestant husband about my faith, and about why Catholic view things like marriage and abortion and as seriously as we do; why you can't just say "I'm saved" then go out and be an *sshole about God and Jesus, about how if you say you're something, then you've got to strive each and every day to live as that something ~ saying it doesn't make you it. There's got to be room for grace to occur in every relationship, even if you're not seemingly evenly yoked with that person.

 

 

If you don't want to wait until you are married then you are better off dating someone who is atheist or agnostic then.

 

so if you're a good Christian with intentions of fornicating, then be sure your partner is at least heathen? honey, if you're a good Christian, you're striving not to commit many sins, premarital sex being the biggest one.

 

 

<so if you're a good Christian with intentions of fornicating, then be sure your partner is at least heathen? honey, if you're a good Christian, you're striving not to commit many sins, premarital sex being the biggest one>

 

 

I was talking to those who were not religious or who did not want to wait until marriage to have sex. I said its better that they make sure the person they are thinking of dating exclusively wants the same as them otherwise there would be problems. The issue of pre-marital sex is one of the reasons its better to date someone of the same religion or same value system. The only way a relationship can work with 2 people of different faiths is if one compromises their morals and goes ahead and has pre-marital sex or the other partner is respectful and willing to wait until marriage.

 

Like I said I can form alot of friendships with people of different beliefs. I have lots of friends christians and nonchristians. But a romance is out of the question because the outcome of failure is inevitable. Eventually one of us will have to compromise our beliefs in order to keep the relationship going. That's not fair to me or my partner.

 

If someone really is interested in getting to know me they will know who I am and where I stand. I have no intention of hiding my relationship with Jesus Christ. That's a very important part of who I am. In fact Jesus is my life. If that offends them then it's their issue not mine since they wanted to get to know me. They will know ahead of time that I spend alot of time in bible studies, theological discussions, praying. Those are some of my hobbies. I'd much rather talk about Jesus Christ and the good news about what He did for humanity than to talk about myself and my accomplishments. I'm not worthy of being talked about. I'm not special. My accomplishments are nowhere impressive compared to Christ's.

 

They will know that I want to wait until marriage before having sex. So chances are if they don't believe like I do they will reject me before I have a chance to reject them.

 

If I were to get married to an atheist chances are we would get into conflicts because she'll be against the idea of me taking the kids to church or reading them bible stories before bedtime. As parents we would have conflicting ideas about the values to raise our children with. We would see the world through 2 different eyes. I'm living my life in preparation for the world to come while she as an atheist will live her life as if this is all there is. Why shouldn't she? that's what she believes. I believe this world is not my home. I'm just a pilgrim and stranger in this land. My citizenship is in heaven not of this world. Therefore I have different priorites than she would have.

 

My belief is that there is only one way to heaven and that's through Jesus Christ. Christians have specific command from Jesus in the bible to go into all the world and preach the good news. We evangelical christians do not believe in keeping the good news to ourselves. It's not that we believe we are better than anyone else. We are just delivering the gospel message like mailman.

 

Furthermore we live in a country of religious freedom. That means nobody should be ashamed to publicly express and practice their faith or non faith (if you are atheist). As a christian I would not tell someone to shut up if they blasphemed God & took His name in vain. Why? because it's freedom of religion. You have the right to curse God if you want to & I have the right to praise His name publicly. So all this talk about keeping my beliefs to myself is all nonsense. This is the united states of america not russia. In saudi arabia it's illegal to posess a bible. If you like the idea of keeping one's religion private move over there.

[Gator762]

My parents really stressed being open to allow others to find their own path to divinity -- as long as they are looking, that's what is most important to me.

 

I'll add another well said.

 

I was initially raised protestant but soon went more or less agnostic. I think some people get too hung up on religon, and what it's universally supposed to teach; tolerance and love for your fellow man.

 

Despite what religon tries to teach us, religous beliefs have gotten far too many people killed throughout history.

[mintjulep]

But a romance is out of the question because the outcome of failure is inevitable. Eventually one of us will have to compromise our beliefs in order to keep the relationship going.

I am moderately Catholic, and I dated a Jewish boy for three years. You are right - the outcome of failure was inevitable because I had to compromise my belief that his mother was pure evil, and he had to compromise the belief that no other woman could make him happy - but it was never because he was Jewish, or because I was Catholic.

 

The reasons we worked well together was becasue we had the same core beliefs - treat others well, practice tolerance, and let people be. I thought that the Jewish faith was incredibly beautiful because, if taught correctly, it is more accepting generally than most Christian religions because it promotes tolerance without looking down your nose at those you are tolerating. But I would never have converted - and neither would he.

 

You're right, though, grace - you shouldn't be dating someone who isn't on their high horse about their faith, because for you it would not work out. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just that it can be very trying to be with somoene who is holier than thou. I agree that the bottom line should be known to both people - specifically regarding the sleeping together. I am dating someone who will not have sex before marriage - but he's a good enough friend that he knows I had slept with my previous boyfriend - and he's clearly okay with it, because we've also discussed core values, and they align.

 

I just don't understand who would want to date someone *exactly* like them. Isn't variety the spice of life?

 

If someone really is interested in getting to know me they will know who I am and where I stand. I have no intention of hiding my relationship with Jesus Christ. That's a very important part of who I am.

That's going to have to be an awfully big bed to fit the three of you.

They will know ahead of time that I spend alot of time in bible studies, theological discussions, praying. Those are some of my hobbies.

Then it shouldn't be a problem finding somoene whose faith lines up with yours - I guess I'm a little unclear as to why you posted. Are you looking for people like you outside of these hobbies? Because it seems it would be hard to find people *like that* outside of venues like that.

 

They will know that I want to wait until marriage before having sex. So chances are if they don't believe like I do they will reject me before I have a chance to reject them.

But my boyfriend now told me that that was his bottom line, and we're still doing fine. And honestly? If he had waited to tell me, the only thing it would have caused would have been a little bit of embarrassment the first time it came up, but we should have been close enough to be able to get past it or talk about it.

 

If I were to get married to an atheist chances are we would get into conflicts because she'll be against the idea of me taking the kids to church or reading them bible stories before bedtime.

I doubt it. Unless they were as strongly athiest as you are Christian. My Jewish boyfriend was okay with raising our children Catholic - but he would not have gone to church. I was fine with that.

 

Furthermore we live in a country of religious freedom. That means nobody should be ashamed to publicly express and practice their faith or non faith (if you are atheist)

But you weren't talking about this - you were talking about it in context of a relationship - please don't turn this into a bible-thumping religious debate. This is a relationship forum - and I don't mean your relationship with Christ.

This is the united states of america not russia. In saudi arabia it's illegal to posess a bible. If you like the idea of keeping one's religion private move over there.

Now there's the Christian tolerance and love I like to hear! Go Jesus...

[submart]

Hmmmm... I don't see what's wrong with dating someone of a different faith. I've dated two atheists, a couple christians, and just spiritual people. It's great to open your eyes to other people's beliefs. You don't have to believe them, but just learn about them. It makes you well rounded. I was a Catholic for 18 years, an atheist for four, and now I'm a christian unitarian universalist. My current boyfriend, who is a chrisitian made my faith stronger. I still don't believe in hell, sin, etc but that's just me. So inter-racial dating did some good.

 

Also, speaking on behalf of atheists/agnostics everywhere, don't label them as immoral. There are plenty out there who don't believe in pre-marital relationships, cheating, stealing, etc. Respect them!! Also, many wouldn't care if a loved one went to church or read bible stories to the kids (as long as they aren't involved).

 

In all my years, I just looked at the bible for the first time in detail a few weeks ago. I'll wait another 10 years and maybe peek at it again. MAYBE!!

[mintjulep]

So inter-racial dating did some good.

Don't you mean interfaith

[blah1234]

Personally, I think deciding not to date someone because of religion is plain stupid.

 

Respect is key in a multicultural relationship and as long as both people have that, things will be fine.

[Weye]

If someone is hardcore religious, they are better off sticking to within their faith. Outside of that, I wouldn't worry about it so much.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I have, I am, and I would.

 

One's spiritual foundation would never become an issue for me unless it was a major issue for them.

 

However, if it was all they could talk about or think about (to the point of unhealthy obsession) … then I would certainly recognize the fact that they had what is referred to as a "process addiction" and remove myself from the situation immediately. Having spent most of my life around addictive behaviors it's not an environment I would ever care to find myself in again.

[BlahBlahQueen]

My relationship with Christ is very important to me.

 

Why would you let that get in the way of your love life, when you could be carrying on a relationship with someone who's alive and answers back when you talk to her?

 

*BLAHBLAHQUEEN RUNS FOR COVER!!!*

[blind_otter]

The only way a relationship can work with 2 people of different faiths is if one compromises their morals and goes ahead and has pre-marital sex or the other partner is respectful and willing to wait until marriage.

 

Bunk. My parents have never compromised their morals. The whole give and take thing is part of a relationship. If you don't plan to ever compromise, don't plan to ever have a relationship that lasts.

 

But a romance is out of the question because the outcome of failure is inevitable. Eventually one of us will have to compromise our beliefs in order to keep the relationship going. That's not fair to me or my partner.

 

Tell that to my parents. Obviously being married 35+ years is failure to you?? hah. Or, at least admit your hyperbole. Failure is not inevitable.

 

They will know that I want to wait until marriage before having sex. So chances are if they don't believe like I do they will reject me before I have a chance to reject them.

 

Um. If they are a pretentious a$$, in which case you shouldn't want to date them anyways. I've given up a lot of things for my relationships, including the one I have with my parents...jeez...I always have to compromise something to maintain relationships. And that's OK because I'm FLEXIBLE because I LOVE THEM.

 

 

Furthermore we live in a country of religious freedom. . If you like the idea of keeping one's religion private move over there.

 

WHAT?! I like the idea of keeping my religious beliefs to myself. Spirituality involves an INDIVIDUAL'S relationship with divinity. Your beliefs are yours alone. Others may share common elements of your beliefs, but at an internal, fundamental level your personal understanding of the teachings you have been exposed to are yours alone.

[Sweeper211]

if you're a good Christian, you're striving not to commit many sins, premarital sex being the biggest one

What worse than murder, theft, child-abuse and arson? Good values mate

[quankanne]

What worse than murder, theft, child-abuse and arson? Good values mate

 

Sex seems to be the most rampant of sin (pre-marital, adulterous, etc) of all; while the others are worse, not everyone is doing them, you know?

 

If someone really is interested in getting to know me they will know who I am and where I stand. I have no intention of hiding my relationship with Jesus Christ. That's a very important part of who I am.

 

understandably so. However, you've left out room for grace to be in the relationship equation. Even if someone is of the same faith as you, it doesn't mean they're at the same place in their spiritual journey as you, and grace steps in as you help that person or he or she helps you to become closer to God in his or her or your own way.

[grace2005]

Some compromises are good. I agree you need to compromise in order for a relationship to work. But compromising your religious or moral convictions is not healthy. Just be who you are. So what it comes to compromises in the religious department that's not good. Compromises about most other things are good. As long as that compromise does not keep God from being first in my life. From a christian perspective God is a jealous God and will not settle for 2nd place in my life. My parents come 2nd and girlfriend comes 3rd and friends come 4th. Now if I'm married my wife would be 2nd and God first. But a girlfriend is just a girlfriend not my wife. Those are my convictions. I must honor my parents too.

 

The only way I can see dating someone of a different religion working out is if they don't have a problem with my convictions to wait until marriage to have sex, to not go certain places or activites that I believe would not be profitable for me. They can go any places they want and do whatever they want i.e. gambling, drugs, strip clubs, watching porn movies, etc as long as they don't pressure me to do what they do. So if they can respect my decision to not be involved in activites that I believe are wrong for me then that's the only way a romantic relationship can work out.

 

I would not try to change anyone I'm dating. I've dated girls that smoke weed. I don't have a problem with it as long as they don't try to hinder me or distract me from growing in my faith in Christ. But usually at some point or another someone of a different religion will reject me because unless I'm willing to compromise my convictions and engage in certain activites they believe to be ok and harmless then I'm no fun in their eyes. Like I said they're more likely to reject me than I am to reject them.

 

A friendship will work out alot better than a long term relationship because in a long term relationship you need to have things in common especially when it comes to sharing the same philosophies about this world & the next one. It's not likely going to work out if one partner is living his life in preparation for the afterlife while the other partner is living her life as if this life is all there is. Many people say "you only live once." That's not what I believe. They can believe that if they want to.

 

Eventually it would lead to problems if we got married. I mean what's the point of being married to someone who sees the world differently than you do? I think it's important to have things in common as married people. I mean if you are married you should do things together.

 

Good compromises in a relationship would be like ordering out instead of cooking for the night or eating at a restaraunt she likes that I don't like. Playing a board game that I may not like that she likes. Those are good compromises. I would even go so far as to not play gospel music in her presence if it offends her as long as she would be willing to compromise and not play some of the music that I believe to be trash. I would not ask her to come to church with me. But if I go into full time ministry it would effect her and she would have to decide whether to support me or move on.

 

Speaking of obsession. Some have indicated that they find it obsessive behavior to talk about God or Jesus. Well following that logic wouldn't it be obsessive to talk about sports or cars all the time like some guys do? I'm not a sports fan but I know alot of men talk about sports constantly. I don't think they are obsessed. I don't think evangelicals are obsessed for talking about Jesus. Women like to talk about clothes and shopping and makeup all the time. Oh lastly. It seems alot of people on this forum are obsessed with the no contact rule. Nobody thinks anything of someone who talks about the NC subject all the time. Wouldn't that be obsession too?

[mintjulep]

I mean what's the point of being married to someone who sees the world differently than you do?

The point is that when someone sees the world differently than you do, it broadens your thinking and may open you up to new, more interesting things, people, places, or ideas. Just because this person is your spouse or long term SO, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't have some healthy differences - and I don't mean "smoking pot," "going to strip clubs," or "gambling." People have their own opinions and reactions to life stimuli even if they participate in 100% of the same activities you to. Environment is only a small part of how people form their personalities.

I think it's important to have things in common as married people. I mean if you are married you should do things together.

But not Everything! You want to pray together, eat together, read together, shower together (well, that one could be fun...), 24 hours a day??? What if your "wife" wants her own life? One that doesn't include gambling, drinking, smokin' dope, but just one that doesn't perpetually involve you and Jesus? Then what? You make your jealous god (I thought the whole point of the second testament was that God isn't jealous or spiteful or vengeful like those "dirty Jews" thought) sound more important to your life than the person who you want to be your whole world, in this life - but it works both ways. You're gonna have to find someone who doesn't think you're her world, either, and then what the f*** is the point of even finding real love?

 

A person's faith should always be an important underlying factor in everything they do, breathe, think, feel! Regardless of what that idea of faith entails. You're putting too much importance on the religious aspect and not enough on the heathy aspect of having morals and values - which should always mostly align with your SO's - even if your morals are more loose than others'.

 

You come off as extremely judgemental, and it just irks me because you keep saying that you are tolerant of others, but to me it just sounds like lip service.

 

Good compromises in a relationship would be like ordering out instead of cooking for the night or eating at a restaraunt she likes that I don't like. Playing a board game that I may not like that she likes.

Well, I've got news for you - even if you find someone completely compatible with you, your conflicts are most definitely going to be bigger than that if you plan to spend the rest of your life with them. Even bigger conflicts than "trash music." Musical tastes run pretty far and wide, my friend - I consider a lot of my boyfriend's music crap, and my boyfriend despises country and some of the other things on my playlist. I don't change it when he's over, yet we still care about each other. You've just got to let some of them go...

 

Well following that logic wouldn't it be obsessive to talk about sports or cars all the time like some guys do? I'm not a sports fan but I know alot of men talk about sports constantly. I don't think they are obsessed.

I do. And if I found a sports obsessed guy, I wouldn't date him, either. You seem mighty big in your britches using the word "logic." I find nothing in any of your posts to be remotely logical. There's a difference between a passion and an obsession, but it's a fine line sometimes. Your relationship with Christ sounds borderline unhealthy - not passionate so much as obsessive and controlling. Then again, "my" God's never been jealous or controlling...so I can't fathom what you're talking about.