honda12345 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Hey UT, i feel your pain. Usually when i want to call my ex, i call other friends instead. And I keep an online journal. So sometimes when i really want to call him, i write what I want to say to him on my journal. It really makes me feel better. Hope that helps.
skeptik224 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I'd like to think we are all the few left that still have emotions and aren't afraid of showing them. We aren't going to run from them. We'll hit them head on...positive and negative. We aren't going to let past relationships dictate our future ones. We aren't going to put up walls - maybe just some tents until we heal. We are a limited bunch. It's nice to wonder what the other person is feeling, but honestly, I don't care what you're ex is feeling, UT. I - as well as everyone here - cares about how you're feeling. You are a good person - the rarity among most. Be strong. Believe in yourself. You will get through this, and we will help you. Hey, Rio - as far as human touch goes, I find that while I'm still healing, my human touch to myself is much better than a partners.
someone_here Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT , last nite i was dreaming of my ex too. but i dont contact him, it is a promise that i made to my self. i will not break it. plus this is commitment for my own good . i know my weakness.. he is one of it , so i will not bring my self to such a vurnerable condition. even as the time goes by, i find that he is not the one . although i loved him very much, and i am still loving him but i m sure one day i will be able to fall in love with someone else. what i've been doing , as i said before , i made my self busy. i went to gym very often, took extra time, made use all the gym's facilities..., extra exercise, did hair treatment , i set my new year resolution , what i want to achieve this year ( to settle my life), i called frens and had dinner with my buddies, called my family , i tried to focus on other thing and other people. I cant deny that he is still someone for me, but he maybe out there flirt with new gal , while i am here thinking abt him. it is pathetic,isn't it ? so ... i said to my self.. why should i cry for him while he didnt even bother abt me (if he did, he would have been calling me ), he didnot even remember me , why should i care ?. although i dont know what is going in his life, whether he still love me or he doesnt ,i wouldnt try to find out ( i am so tempted to do so). i learnt alot from the break up and NC. for few time i cried too, like u did. it is very normal. but i want to ask you ...if... .(take a deep breath, slow down n imagine.) . ok.. if...one day u see her with other guy,... it will hurt you hundred fold times... n you will think like a fool and regret so badly for missing her so badly . n u will end up hate her plus u will be bitter. the worse case, u closed your self for someone out there that perfect for you.
Becoming Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Find a distraction until this strong urge passes. You're going through withdrawal. You're lonely--talk here, call someone up to do something with tonight, go for a walk, a drive, a swim, get lost in a good book, go listen to Witabix sing the blues at a local pub, whatever. This is the way grief happens, in spits and spurts, and what you're going through is a form of grief. This, too, shall pass. How do you want to be in its passing?
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Skeptic, RE: Hey, Rio - as far as human touch goes, I find that while I'm still healing, my human touch to myself is much better than a partners. Yeah, but my fingers get so tired. (Smile) -Rio
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 i really really appreciate everyone's support. i've never needed it as much as today, an you guys really poured out your help for me in need. thank you so much. i hope to return the support as soon as i can stand on my two feet. its just disheartening to make some progress, just to be thrown back to square one. i really feel like im in the depths of hell today. it just hurts so badly.
RZA-Man Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Don't cave in! I'm been following your situation, and I've been impressed by your willpower. You can do this! I was dumped by my ex and I didn't call her for almost 3 weeks. Then I caved and called her. The first thing she said when I called her? "Oh, I was just thinking of when to call you." Your ex is probably thinking about you UT, but you have to let her come to YOU. If you want any sort of chance of getting back with her, you have to let her come to you. She dumped you, let her be the one to come back. Here are some wise words from the movie "Swingers": MIKE And what if I don't want to give up on her? ROB You don't call. MIKE But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her. ROB Right. MIKE So I don't call either way. ROB Right. MIKE So what's the difference? ROB The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back.
Ezydriver Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 guys..i know alot of us are in the same boat here. but im loosing hope that things will get better. i feel that im getting stuck in this hole of pain. things will get better right?Oh man, if I had a £ for every time I thought that, I'd be able to retire now. Thats what the pain is, healing, when you break your arm, it hurts, you get twinges, thats the healing process, emotions work in the same way, Just look after yourself man, keep posting, and take it from me DON'T CONTACT HER If shes nice to you, you'll miss her more, if shes cold or distant, you'll be more hurt, and if she wanted to be with you, you'd never have split up in the first place, I hoped my ex would call, man, she aint gonna call me! I accept this now. You will too. Steve.
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 i really really appreciate everyone's support. i've never needed it as much as today, an you guys really poured out your help for me in need. thank you so much. i hope to return the support as soon as i can stand on my two feet. its just disheartening to make some progress, just to be thrown back to square one. i really feel like im in the depths of hell today. it just hurts so badly. Thats cool UT. Let out your anger/frustration/pain here. Call her a ****ing son of a b*tch if you need to, say whatever you want to say. It feels better to rant sometimes. It can relieve the pain.
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT, Is there a private clinic near you where you might be able to see someone and maybe get something to help you through this? There's no stigma on that, UT, -and you may be needing more help than you can get from us here. Just read over your posts more thoroughly and hoped you'd give that some thought. Concerned about you. -Rio
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 i just want to know that she gives a f*ck about me. And if she doesn't, how will you feel?? You're not in the right frame of mind to call her. I guarantee you if you do that you will merely make things worse. The time to talk to her is when you're over her and have truly let get. You still haven't let go. You're still hanging on to the past and right now you seem to me to be a bit co-dependent. Those are issues that you need to resolve on your own or through counseling. It will not help you to talk to her because all it will do is keep the pain fresh and your hope on a line. Don't do it UT. Have strength, think of other things that make you happy. Have you been working out, hanging with friends, spending time with hobbies and such? You MUST excercise, it will make you feel better. If you are having trouble sleeping, take some Tylenol PM. That's what helped me. If you must, maybe think about taking some anti-depressants. Don't feel bad about it, it helped me a lot (I don't take them anymore). Whatever you do, know that contacting her will only hurt you more than helping you. In fact, it won't help you at all.
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 CaliGuy, I see we just crossed paths in spotting the depression worsening instead of getting better and posting to it. Thank you for that! UT appears to be at that threshold where he could use the extra help of meds. Again, Thanks! (Smile) -Rio
pippen_2k Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT, Im not sure if you have been through this before, but 2 1/2 weeks grieving is nothing! I dont wanna dampen your spirits, cause you seem to be doing well to me, but this feeling could last for months. It really is up to you how long you feel this way, but give it a couple more weeks, and 1 morning you will wake up and think ' hmmmm im not hurting that much this morning '. Be the better and bigger person in this situation and avoid making the same mistakes that alot of us made.. dont call her.
Brittanyjean06 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 believe me it's not going to get better within two weeks, maybe after 5 months- but it still hurts like crap
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT, I booted the ex out 5 weeks ago. Some days are better than others but the less I hear about her, the better off I am. The same goes with you. The 'Swingers' quote was excellent. No matter what you do, if you call you will only make things worse. Her heart has to change for there to be any reason to talk. If it never does, realize that you are still a good person and someone out there wants you right now. You just have to let go, buck up, rebuild your confidence and self-esteem and get to excercising. This whole experience will make you a stronger, better man when all is said and done if you look at it as an experience. Yes, it sucks that it ended that way but that just means she probably wasn't in the cards for you. So learn from what happened, vow never to repeat the same mistakes, and never, ever let a woman see you sweat. You are a strong guy, you are just letting the past control your future. That's why letting go is so essential. Do like me, when you're ready, and go find a booty call! I know that sounds bad now but trust me, it will help cheer you up
fooled Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT - I almost cracked last night myself. It's been 2 weeks since I've seen her or talked to her, but last night was the first night I was home alone - alone in our neighborhood. I wasn't going to call - I was going to go to her place (only several blocks away). I didn't do it. I've been thinking about what I'm going to say to her when I see her - because I know I will. And in reality - here's what she will say to me: "Do you hate me?" because it's all about her and always was. Calling her serves no purpose. It results in nothing. She is INCAPABLE of giving you what you need - just as my ex is. Would you have an insurance broker perform surgery on you? Or go to a shoe store when you needed a root canal? No - because they're not capable of giving you what you need. Neither is your ex. Don't call her.
skeptik224 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT - I also would recommend that you see someone. Although the space where you're at is normal, it doesn't hurt at all to talk to someone. Professionals will offer you a lot more than we do - although we don't mind at all. I just started seeing one the other day. It honestly does help to vent and look at someone in the eye while doing it. You are not alone in this at all. Most insurances cover it, too...at least a portion of it. Too bad you don't live in Chicago or I'd recommend someone to you. If you are nervous about going that route, ask a good friend of yours (someone you completely utterly trust) to go with you. They can wait outside but it helps to know they support you, too. Who knows...it may make you a better man than you already are
cygny Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 hey there UT--this has just been a bad day for you--don't place too much importance on it, we ALL have bad days---it is NORMAL. Just remember this is a process, and though it feels like you've gone back to square one, you haven't! this has just been a bump in the road. you've gotten past today, didn't give in, and now you are that much stronger. you've moved to the next level. congratulations.
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 so this is the end of my horrible day. again..i cant say thanks enough to all those who rooted for me here today. i listened to you guys' advice about trying to get some therapy. i couldn't enroll in my medical this year, so i may actually try to join a clinical study for depression. if things get worse. as most of you can probably already tell, im quite an impatient person. wanting things to be over quickly. i guess since these experiences are so new to me...and pain is not familiar territory, i think i spaz out pretty quickly at the first of any bumps in the road. but man...today was bad. the hurt was deeper than almost any day and it was panic mixed with lack of sleep and lack of food. i actually am starting to feel some hatred torwards my ex. she's sitting pretty while i have to go through mental anguish. trouble sleeping..trouble eating...trouble working. f*ck her. i really hate her for doing this to me. her smiling and laughing makes me want to spit in her face. but also, getting angry at her really should be anger directed ay myself for handling the relationship like i did. these ups and downs. what a complete drag.
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 so this is the end of my horrible day. again..i cant say thanks enough to all those who rooted for me here today. i listened to you guys' advice about trying to get some therapy. i couldn't enroll in my medical this year, so i may actually try to join a clinical study for depression. if things get worse. as most of you can probably already tell, im quite an impatient person. wanting things to be over quickly. i guess since these experiences are so new to me...and pain is not familiar territory, i think i spaz out pretty quickly at the first of any bumps in the road. but man...today was bad. the hurt was deeper than almost any day and it was panic mixed with lack of sleep and lack of food. i actually am starting to feel some hatred torwards my ex. she's sitting pretty while i have to go through mental anguish. trouble sleeping..trouble eating...trouble working. f*ck her. i really hate her for doing this to me. her smiling and laughing makes me want to spit in her face. but also, getting angry at her really should be anger directed ay myself for handling the relationship like i did. these ups and downs. what a complete drag. UT, impatience is a very bad thing. I suffer from it too. But here's something to ponder. "Never get in a hurry to do something you'll regret later." "Sometimes you have to wade through manure to find flowers." "Good things come to those who wait." "Life is not a race, it's an experience. Relax and enjoy the ride."
Becoming Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Ya have to take care of yourself by eating well, exercising (which will help with the sleep), and sleeping! Treat yourself to a great dinner tonight--either out or one of your favorites you go shop for and make. When I'm down and alone, I buy myself flowers. (I love flowers--but whatever works for you!) Just because you're sad doesn't mean you have to wallow in it all the time. Do something nice for yourself.
witabix Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Ya have to take care of yourself by eating well, exercising (which will help with the sleep), and sleeping! Treat yourself to a great dinner tonight--either out or one of your favorites you go shop for and make. When I'm down and alone, I buy myself flowers. (I love flowers--but whatever works for you!) Just because you're sad doesn't mean you have to wallow in it all the time. Do something nice for yourself. This advice is probably the best you will ever get. See the value of you, and respond to what you see. You are a valued member of the human race. Just recognise this UT. It is true.
riobikini Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 RE: UT: " i actually am starting to feel some hatred torwards my ex. she's sitting pretty while i have to go through mental anguish. trouble sleeping..trouble eating...trouble working. f*ck her. i really hate her for doing this to me. her smiling and laughing makes me want to spit in her face. but also, getting angry at her really should be anger directed ay myself for handling the relationship like i did." Oh thank God for A-N-G-E-R! It can be a necessary tool in beating heartache. I prefer it. And recommend it. For me, personally, -I just begin with thoughts of all the time wasted! Time spent with someone who CAN'T feel, WON'T LET him/herself feel, or who is just so STUPID that he/she can't see the feelings of anyone else. It's an error in their VALUE SYSTEM: -their ability to appreciate and reciprocate. It's an issue that concerns their EGO, their SELF ESTEEM, and thier VIEW OF THE WORLD and THE PEOPLE IN IT. These people are SELFISH IDIOTS. (Smile) UT, -that's just a sampling of how angry I can get. You should hear me in the shower. (Smile) -Rio
brooke7777 Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Hey UT It's been months for me and I still have days like this where all of the sudden I don't know what hits me and the saddness just becomes so overwhelming. They aren't as frequent as they used to be, but they are still there. Please do take care of yourself...I know it' real hard, but you have to make you your number one priority. Try to eat a little or it will just wear you down even more. I didn't eat anything for almost two weeks and it really took a toll on my already thin body. Exercise does help get out some of the frustration. I would always think...well I can't cry while I'm running, then I'll look like a total wackadoodle. You're gonna make it. As someone said earlier...treat yourself to something real nice this weekend. Pamper yourself, you deserve it!
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