UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 i dont know what it is guys. it hurt so bad this morning. i tossed and turned all night. i was driving in to work, and i just suddenly started crying. guys. its not getting better. im gonna call her this morning. someone keep me sane here. its been 2 and 1/2 weeks and i feel like this. i wish god would make this go away.
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Hey UT. If you have had NC for 2 1/2 weeks what will happen now if you phone her? What will she say? Will it make it better, really make it better? If you do crack make sure you know what you are going to say, and how you want it to sound. Also make sure that you are ready for her to blank you. Is it worth it. Only you can tell. I hope you make the right decision to ease your pain. Post your thoughts here first though, if you can.
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 to tell u the truth...i dont even know what im gonna say. or what i want to say. i just want to say hi. how are you. im just so shaken up right now. i feel like i got sledgehammered in the chest. i feel so weak.
cygny Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Don't do it! It will only put you back at square one! post here instead!
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 i just want to know that she gives a f*ck about me.
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Ok UT, I know the feeling. Just saying Hi and how are you? I don't think that will help you much IMHO. Try to get a hold of what you are actually feeling. Take a time out and actually try to get a hold of the feelings. Examine them. What are they telling you? Is your 'weakness' drawing you back to something bad or dangerous for you?
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 you know...i really dont know. when we broke up...it wasnt ugly. i never begged or pined for her. i just told her she cant keep calling me after we break up. so i think shes respecting my wishes. i just want to talk to her. as a friend. i think its because im lonely.
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 you know...i really dont know. when we broke up...it wasnt ugly. i never begged or pined for her. i just told her she cant keep calling me after we break up. so i think shes respecting my wishes. i just want to talk to her. as a friend. i think its because im lonely. Ok, if its because you are lonely, then don't call her. You will be using her to fill a gap that some other people can fill. You told her not to call you. Ok, if you could go back and retract that would you?
slubberdegullion Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT; Stay strong, dude. DO NOT CALL HER. It will do you more harm than good. Vent here if you wish. Write her a letter and then burn it. Talk to your dog. But do not contact her.
Lonestar Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 i just want to know that she gives a f*ck about me. She probably does give a f*ck about you in her own way, but obviuosly not enough to talk to you or call you. She's moved on UT and you need to do the same thing. I KNOW it hurts, but it will get better in time. Your problem is your sitting home obessessing over her (I think). I haven't read all of your other thread. You need to push yourself to keep so busy that you don't think about her as much. Keep active and meet new people. The withdrawals you're going through are taking over your life right now and you need to take control of it. I promise that things will get better, but contacting her right now is only going to give you false hope and set you back. Think about it, if she's nice to you, you're going to think there's a chance, which will make you feel better for awhile holding onto that hope, but once it doesn't pan out, you're going to be right back where you are. You need to reach a point of acceptance that it's over. It's also possible that you do need to call her only to find out that each time you touch that stove, you're gonna get burned. Eventually after being burned numerous times, you might decide to move on. Only you can make that choice. We're here to give you advice from our own experiences. I hopw your day gets better.
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 my god guys. today has to be one of the hardest days of my break up. why after 2 1/2 weeks am i again breaking like this. why is it like this? why can't i get better? if she hasn't called for 2 1/2 weeks...she's moved on...right? or shes very determined to right?
skeptik224 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Do not call her, UT! You've come SO FAR!!! Remember when I e-mailed my ex 1 1/2 weeks ago? Remember how it made me feel??? and she didn't respond negative at all....just cold. I'm sure your ex is giving you the time you need to heal. She's doing what you asked. My ex did the same thing. I believe now she's at the point of NC because she knows that everytime she did contact me, it hurt. I'm sure your ex does care about you - and think about you. But...you need to worry about yourself. After you talk to her, it'll be that much harder...trust me...I've been there. PLease don't call her
Rainswept77 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Hey friend I am in no posisition to give any good advice without sounding like a hypocrite, Because I don't know what to do either, But I want you to know I understand, and your not alone my friend. I think a good thing to do is to get rid of anything around the house that belongs to her, maybe even erase her name from your AIM, and or delete her name from your cell phone. Maybe even avoid places for a while, where you know you'll see her, I read your post and I really feel for you, cause I know how horrible it is. Hang in there. ~RS77
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Ok UT, you have four people telling you not to do it, and for very good reasons too. I was going through turmoil recently, and I think I got the same advice, it wasn't the same situation as yours, there had not been a period of NC. I read the posts, I even think you advised me to do the NC thing as well. Now I will have to admit I went against all the advice and went around to talk to her. Remember we had not entered NC, so this may be invalid here, in fact I think it probably is. All I want to say here is this, I took the time to post here and read the advice. That gave me time to formulate what I had to say to her. What I had to say, and what I expected the outcome to be. To prepare myself for her to tell me to get lost, or to continue talking, or to throw herself on me professing undying love, even to have her jump out of the shadows and stab me. So, if you want her back, or are prepared to consider this, think about what you have to say. Plan your approach. Do not act on an impulse. If you can get over the pain barrier and do some rational thinking you will be better placed to know what to do. I hear the NC shotguns being loaded here, and pointing in my direction. I am not exhorting you to break NC. Just to think about the motives you have here, thats all.
cygny Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 my god guys. today has to be one of the hardest days of my break up. why after 2 1/2 weeks am i again breaking like this. why is it like this? why can't i get better? if she hasn't called for 2 1/2 weeks...she's moved on...right? or shes very determined to right? completely normal. we all have gone through this. it WILL get better--but you have to maintain NC, or it starts all over. you were the one who told her not to contact you. she is respecting your wishes. she cares enough about you to do that. but she needs alot of space and distance to truly feel anything for you right now.
slubberdegullion Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 *click click* *click click* sound of shotgun being loaded
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 everyone... thanks for all your support. its been an incredibly rough ride for me. i never expected it to be like this. im so glad i have this place. i was | | <- that close to calling her. and i actually still am. but i am really fighting it. it feels like day 1 of the break up again. what is this? why am i having this relapse? have you guys had this before?
skeptik224 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I've had that before...We've gone back/forth for 3 months. Finally, I had had enough. (so I think) I still want to talk to her but now I'm just plain scared. UT - trust me...you should not do it. Please... and most definately DO NOT do it while you are emotionally vulnerable.
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 *click click* *click click* sound of shotgun being loaded Read the last line of my post, my final request? Can I have a cigar? A reaaaaaaaalllllllllllllly long one?
Author UT_longhorn Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 guys..i know alot of us are in the same boat here. but im loosing hope that things will get better. i feel that im getting stuck in this hole of pain. things will get better right?
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Yes UT, things will get better. You need time to get your head around this. Vent it here if you need to, let it out. It feels better when you let it out. Remember no one here knows you or will judge you, let it out.
slubberdegullion Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Witabix is right, you will get through this, and you'll be a better man for it. And no one here will judge or criticize. here, witabix, is a rreeeaaallly looonnnngggg cigar!
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks Slub. Lights cigar with a ten foot match and a nervous smile
Ezydriver Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 today has to be one of the hardest days of my break up. why after 2 1/2 weeks am i again breaking like this. why is it like this?UT, these relapses are very common, my worst days were after 8 weeks, I had a 3 day block of the most severe extreme anguish that had me bed ridden, however, after this episode I really made significant strides, its 9 weeks now, so I'm only 1 week past that episode, but I think relapses are just your brains way of healing, after each episode, or wave, I felt just that bit better, 2 1/2 weeks is nothing, I know it seems like a lifetime when you're there, but trust me, its still a fresh wound, we're both in the same boat but I'm just 6 1/2 weeks ahead of you, trust me, another few weeks and you'll be a whole lot better. Steve. p.s. email me if it helps, you've got my email address.
riobikini Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 UT, RE: UT: i just want to know that she gives a f*ck about me. What you're saying here in all these posts is killing me. Listen, I just came through the part where you are in all this. I wanted to call, too, -for the same reasons. It's that thing about them not feeling anything that slays you. It slayed me. You wonder if it can really be true. It can. And that's even more of a killer. I keep thinking, 'Am I the only one that gets emotionally involved, anymore?' But I read some of the posts here and think there are only two reasons for that, -either we're all just very sick people who latch on too easily and live in denial of what the whole relationship was about, or we're the last few surviving members of the human race who can actually feel emotions and still believe in loving someone. It's somewhere in between, I think. (Smile) It's a crappy feeling either way. It just makes you want to build up more walls and never look at anyone with serious feeling again. That's kind of where I'm at, now. I just want to take care of the need for human touch and let the rest go. I know this isn't the pep talk you expected, but it does have it's benefits: at least, you know that someone identifies with some of your feelings right now. And I see a lot of other posters who are in 'sharing mode', too. Take their advice. I haven't called my ex, -I would rather die first. It's not a battle led by sheer stubbornness, although it helps, -it's just that I realize that I was alone in what I felt and I am very glad, now, that I never shared those feelings with him. It would have only made it worse for me. He simply didn't have anything to return to me. So, listen to the advice of other posters, who are obviously concerned about you, as I am. Don't call, UT, -whatever she has to say will only hurt you. And you are already hurting enough. Hugs, -Rio
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