l2hvn Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 i know it's none of my business to butt into my friend's life but i just really am concerned for her. she started going out with this guy. from what she's told me.. he seems to be the psycho freak, jealous type of guy. proof? well, 1 month into their dating: he went through her cell phone. looked up all the names. told her to delete all guy friends. told her to call all those guys and inform them that she no longer want to speak with them. *bear in mind, she and i both have a lot of guy (platonic) friends that we hang out.* 2 months into their dating: he locked himself in HER bedroom. read her diary. found out that she lied to him about some guy that she used to be involved with. (thing was, he asked her a guy's name. she said just a friend, for fear of him getting mad --- but that guy's name was really her ex whom she just recently split with).... and the list goes on.... he made her change her cell phone number so no other guy can contact her.... oh yeah, btw... they've been going out for a mere 6 months now. i mean, these are the things i can come up with at the moment. i can give you guys a ton full of examples... but i hope you get my drift. thing is, NONE of us... NONE of us ever liked him at all... i didn't liked him even before i met him.... and even after i met him, i still don't like him.... it's sad because i see how it will all end up. it's also sad because my friend is the type that will stay in a relationship even though she knows it will not go anywhere... even if it's bad and unhealthy for her......... i've tried (we've all tried) to warn her........ but she wouldn't listen... it's not like i don't want her to be happy... i do... but she fell for the wrong guy.... it's frustrating because she doesn't see it the way we do.. i mean, if i'm the only one who doesn't like him, then it's different. but everyone of us (her friends) do not like him either........ i guess i'm just venting out.. it's to a point that i don't want to speak with her or hang out with her right now... he wouldn't let her hang out with us... crazy, isn't it?
JayKay Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 This guy sounds like a psycho....and possibly dangerous too. One thing that is typical of 'abusers' is to isolate their boyfriends/girlfriends in order to better control them. So they make them give up their friends, family, sometimes even jobs, in order to monitor their every move. She sounds like she's in trouble. I'd try to contact her (email, phone, letter...whatever way you can) and in a loving, direct manner let her know that you are concerned about her. Tell her that this guy's behavior is manipulative, controlling and NOT loving. Tell her that if she needs to get out of the relationship you will help her. Is she under 18? You might want to get her parents involved. If she is an adult, unfortunately she may have to make her own mistakes before she realizes you're right.
Author l2hvn Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 she's actually turning 26 in a couple of weeks. yeah unfortunately... there's not much i can do. trust me, i've tried talking her out of it. how i feel about him. how he could be a potential psycho stalker freak... like how she can do much better and should find somebody who should treat her the way she deserves.... but everything seems to go on deaf ears... i can only do so much.. and i'm not the only one who tells her these.... everybody tells her these... but she refuses to listen. she will have to learn it the hard way, unfortunately... and i can see it coming... *sigh.
vampira Posted January 24, 2006 Posted January 24, 2006 Without for a second condoning the behaviour of this guy, one thing that comes to my mind is that at least with regards to the diary thing, she instigated it by lying. He may be controlling which is indicative of jealously and distrust... but you dont fight fire with fire. Of course it is ridiculous of him to be so forceful and invasive of her privacy. Nevertheless, she has chosen to be with him. Perhaps there is good in him that from the outside you do not see. Perhaps time with her will teach him how to trust and be secure in a relationship. I think as a friend, support is what's needed. It's painful to watch when we feel a friend is making a mistake but its her mistake. There's often not much we can do for fear of being isolated, nevertheless should things turn out sour, at least she'll have the support to cope.
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