lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 [/b My friend and her h had been having some problems and she asked her h why do you stay? My friend said her h said because i love you... My friend asked me was love enough to stay.. I have always felt that love isn't enough to stay in marriage.. Actions speaks louder than words.. What do you think is love enough?
alphamale Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 .. What do you think is love enough? love is smoke and mirrors. people should also base their love decisions upon objective things. love usually leaves anyways. and one cannot eat love or live inside love. love does not pay the bills. love does not make u smart. i advocate a relationship based upon 50% subjective factors (love, like, chemistry, etc...) and 50% objective factors (money, physical attraction, education, etc...)
a4a Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I think you need a firm friendship and trust to make a marriage work. I honestly have a very hard time understanding what love is supposed to be. I think it/love is confused often with need, infatuation, control, and sex. My H is my friend..... but with benefits ...... and exclusive........= love? a4a- brrrrrrrrrrrrrr
JadeStar Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Love is a great thing to have, but I don't always feel its enough to hold a marriage/relationship together. I have known many people who love each other so much, but have split up/divorced because of other issues that simply were never resolved or it just wasn't meant to be etc. Theres alot more to a marriage/relationship than just love. Not sure if someone should stay in a relationship just because of love, that would be kind of like staying for kids sake, its just something I would feel I could do. Jade
blind_otter Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I had the same thing happen with my and my exhusband. He loves me to this day, and I love him, tho it's not romantic any more...but love is not everything. Like alpha said, love is about 50% of what it takes to be with someone in the long term.
JadeStar Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Love is a great thing to have, but I don't always feel its enough to hold a marriage/relationship together. I have known many people who love each other so much, but have split up/divorced because of other issues that simply were never resolved or it just wasn't meant to be etc. Theres alot more to a marriage/relationship than just love. Not sure if someone should stay in a relationship just because of love, that would be kind of like staying for kids sake, its just something I would feel I couldn't do. Jade 1
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Yeah i understand what you are saying but my friend and i was saying we understand that he loves her but the lying and deception isn't making the love look better..She said he offered to go to marriage counseling but she isn't sure it is worth it and doesn't know where her marriage stands anymore!!! She don't want to look down the road 50 yrs for now and say why did i stay and settle? I didn't know what to say to her.. I believe that love isn't enough to make a marriage last there is also companionship and trust respect and right now she doesn't have much of that !! So that is why she wanted to know was love enough..
JadeStar Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 dayummm sorry my post posted twice, not sure what happened! Jade
slubberdegullion Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Alpha is right. I don't believe I actually said that out loud!... no offence to you, Alpha While I'm not sure of the characterization of love being smoke and mirrors, I think I understand what he's saying. Like any and all emotions, love is fluttering and fickle, impossible to grasp, it repudiates demands and changes based on little more than a variation in weather. Love is a place to start, but it is not the only variable in a relationship. Basing a foundation for a relationship out of love is doomed to failure, because love is not reliable enough. I'll repeat myself again: Love is not an emotion. It is a decision. It is a decision to maintain fidelity when you have no reason to stay true. It is a decision to stay committed when everything else is falling apart. It is a decision to maintain the relationship when the heady rush of emotions diminish (as they always do). It is a decision to forsake your own desires for the well-being of another. It is the ability to "be there" and support your partner, not because you'll know you'll get it back, but because you know it's the right thing to do. Finally, love knows when to let go, even if the pain it causes is worth than death itself.
Becoming Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Ah, what is love, really? [she said in her best French accept with strings softly playing in the background]. Isn't that the question, though? Doesn't it depend upon your definition of love?
JadeStar Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Ah, what is love, really? [she said in her best French accept with strings softly playing in the background]. Isn't that the question, though? Doesn't it depend upon your definition of love? This is true. Perhaps ask your friend to ask her husband what is love to him? Get him to tell her his defintion of love. Jade
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Ah, what is love, really? [she said in her best French accept with strings softly playing in the background]. Isn't that the question, though? Doesn't it depend upon your definition of love? I guess there is no right or wrong answer .. You are exactly right we all view love in different ways .. Guess i will get her to ask her h what his definition of love!!!
dgiirl Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Isnt that the fantasy we all want? Someone to love us and have a romantic adventure happily ever after? Unfortunately, he's using that to lure her to stay. If he's lying and decieving her, he doesnt love her. He just doesnt want to be alone. He wants his cake and eat it too.
witabix Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I actually believe that love is enough. However we throw those words around and rarely think what we mean when we say them. "I love you" You are all aware of what happened in my relationship recently, it was horrible, painful. We still met and sat down, for two days and talked for a total of about 12 hours. Just sitting and talking. No music, tv, alcohol, just the sound of the traffic passing by on the seafront. We talked about what those words actually mean. I love you. I said that for me they mean I understand you I want to talk to you I want to spend time with you I am comfortable with you I want to make love with you I want to be emotionally close to you I want to be physically close to you I want to laugh with you I want to sit in silence with you I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street I want to to feel your hand touching my shoulder I want to share and help with your problems I want you to share and help with my problems I want us to be an integral everyday part of each others lives All this is based on the understanding that I can never BE you. You can never BE me. I do not want you to be anything that you are not, and I also do not want you to lose anything that you are. I understand that we will grow and change, that we will in time become different people, and that time may wear away the bonds of 'love', unless we repair them as we go. We both agreed on the possibility that some one will say those words back to you because they feel they have to. That is a fear that many live with, does he/she really mean it. Lilmona said "Actions speak louder than words". That, I believe, is the crux. You are in love when your actions say it. The words should just be an echo of your life. 1
a4a Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I will tell ya this it is much easier to love a person if they are financially responsible, dependable, trustworthy, considerate, common ground, and respectl...... Basically all the same things a friend should be to you and add a little topping of attractive, humor, and add a side of great sex......... of course these things can fade with age.... humor usually sticks tho. Kaboom...........Love I think....... a4a- oh fiddlesticks
slubberdegullion Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Basically all the same things a friend should be to you and add a little topping of attractive, humor, and add a side of great sex.. Just a side order?
a4a Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Just a side order? super size it this is coming from a woman that jumped her mans bones before work this morn..... before his alarm went off.... I rang his lil ole bell He always has heaping side order waiting for him....... spoil his ass rotten! a4a- do you want to pet my chicken?
Woggle Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 You have to be ebst friends as well as love each other. The best marriages are between 2 people who really enjoy being around each other.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 I totally agree with Witabix !! My definition of love is being able to be their bestfriend someone to grow old with ,be their everything..
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 super size it this is coming from a woman that jumped her mans bones before work this morn..... before his alarm went off.... I rang his lil ole bell He always has heaping side order waiting for him....... spoil his ass rotten! a4a- do you want to pet my chicken? :lmao: I bet your man went to work happy!!
Woggle Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 :lmao: I bet your man went to work happy!! My gf and I went to work happy as well if you know what I mean.
alphamale Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 when it comes to getting into relationships for more "objective" reasons I believe women are much better at it than men. women will look at a guy and assess his DNA, his family, his education, his job, his wallet, his physical aspects, his intelligence, his personality, etc... before making a decision to fall in "love" with him. In other words, women look at the big picture more than men do when it comes to choosing a mate.
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 My gf and I went to work happy as well if you know what I mean. lol!! glad somebody having !!
Author lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 when it comes to getting into relationships for more "objective" reasons I believe women are much better at it than men. women will look at a guy and assess his DNA, his family, his education, his job, his wallet, his physical aspects, his intelligence, his personality, etc... before making a decision to fall in "love" with him. In other words, women look at the big picture more than men do when it comes to choosing a mate. LOL!! Not so i look at the size of the bulge in the pants!!! :lmao:
JadeStar Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 LOL!! Not so i look at the size of the bulge in the pants!!! :lmao: LOL
Recommended Posts