luvtoto Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Maybe, this just happens to me, but a couple times now, I've broken up with BF's and thought it was the end of the world as I knew it. But, then a few months down the road, and my heart is starting to heal, I look back on the relationship and think, "Ew. What did I ever see in him?" Why is love so blind??
fooled Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I would give all my possessions to feel that way right now.
JumpHigh Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 So would I. I am desperately trying to get over my b/f. And we are only on a break.
basscatcher Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 They have found that feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling critical thought. It seems that once we get close to a person, the brain decides the need to assess their character and personality is reduced. So we do have our heads up our a$$. The researchers found that both romantic love and maternal love produce the same effect on the brain. They suppress neural activity associated with critical social assessment of other people and negative emotions. Love is blind.
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Maybe, this just happens to me, but a couple times now, I've broken up with BF's and thought it was the end of the world as I knew it. But, then a few months down the road, and my heart is starting to heal, I look back on the relationship and think, "Ew. What did I ever see in him?" Why is love so blind?? Easy! The heart acts on feelings. The mind acts on logic. When we feel love, our heart is in battle often times with our brain for making decisions. It's only when you take a step back and let your mind make decisions for you that can truly see a person for who they are. That usually happens when you let go or BACK AWAY from a relationship. When people say they need space, but don't break up, I think that is what happens. Their mind starts to take over for their heart and they get a truly solid picture of what is going on around them. Happened to me when I was dating my Ex. I knew she wasn't the right person for me, that things were wrong but I was helpless (at the time) to react appropriately. Now that I have taken a step back I can see the relationship for what it was, the mistakes I made and have learned a great deal from it. Above all, I will never rush into a relationship again. Slow and steady, in the game of love, wins the race.
Author luvtoto Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks for all your replies. I learned alot about it. It feels great to fall in love, but I am scared to get under someone's spell again. I think deep down inside, I had red flags going off when I was with him. I just denied and suppressed those warnings to keep him.
slubberdegullion Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 CaliGuy is right on. It's similar to my mantra of love being a decision, not a feeling. When you lead with feelings, you'll undoubtedly go astray (unfortunately). That's not to say that feelings don't have their place; they most certainly do. But relying on feelings exclusively is a recipe for heartbreak. Luvtoto's experience backs that up.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 The best way you can understand about love is the book by Gary Smalley Love is a Decision cause Caliguy is right it is a decison and not a feeling..
blind_otter Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I've heard that oxytocin, the bonding horomone responsible for maternal feelings and post-coital bliss, is similar to recreational drugs - or any drug for that matter -- and you can build up a resistance to it over time, with your partner. Which explains how romantic love metamorphosizes into companionate love.
Outcast Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I've heard that oxytocin, the bonding horomone responsible for maternal feelings and post-coital bliss, is similar to recreational drugs - or any drug for that matter Yup - Pada's article had the info. It's biological, not a conscious 'choice'. So it does people well to understand the role biology has in their love lives and that the 'feelings' they think they have may be constructed out of hormones and chemicals all designed to get you to mate and produce offspring.
kitkat. Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 So true...but in defense of the feelings, if you don't 'feel' for the other person (at least most of the time) then maybe thats a problem too?
Author luvtoto Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 So true...but in defense of the feelings, if you don't 'feel' for the other person (at least most of the time) then maybe thats a problem too? Is that a problem? I just started seeing this guy and I am attracted to him with my mind...just not quite sure I am attracted to him with my heart yet. It's like...I want to force my heart to like him!!! I am soooooooooooooooo ready for a nice/mature guy to come into my life...and he has now. I don't want to mess this up, but, quite honestly, it's weird not to have that initial sexual passion at first. I am more attracted to his soul at this point. We've gone out on about 4 lunch dates and there has been just talking and no kissing yet. I am used to falling for a guy that plays games. But, now...there are no games...at all. This is weird and a little cool. Hope I don't screw this up. Whenever I am anywhere near him, I do smile an awful lot!!!
HokeyReligions Posted January 20, 2006 Posted January 20, 2006 Why is love so blind?? Because if it was logical NO ONE would hook up!
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