srsvfx Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I've been with this girl for 2 years, we are both in the middle of college. I felt I was getting bored with the relationship and decided to put it on hold for the summer. She was devistated about this (she has told me before I am the one for her and she wants to marry me). So we were not officially going out anymore, but she told me she would wait for me to do whatever I needed to do and come back to her, she said "even if brad pitt walked in the room I wouldnt do anything, im waiting for you". you might be seeing where this story is going... Anyway I was desperatly trying to get more space from her even after we "put things on hold". When she called I told her I didnt want to talk to her or anything. I got really mean to her because I felt she wasnt getting the hint, but she still said she was waiting, which i really really really liked. I did not want her to be with anyone else. Two weeks after we put things on hold I miss her so much I call her up and tell her that I miss her. Something seemed wrong. I finally got her to admit that she had hooked up with someone the night before. She gave me a name of a person I didnt know. Later in the convo she admited that it was actually my roommate. They got naked and had oral sex. This happend a number of times that night and the night after. I got so upset and depressed telling her how much that hurt me and that I never wanted her to be with someone else. I hate my roommate so much for making a move on her knowing we were having problems. I hate my gf so much for going with it and doing so much (they never hung out, he just came over that night for a party and flirted with her, and it led to her room). We talked all day about what happend and I love her so much we got back togeather. She tells me how much she loves me and how she get so scared to lose me again, and this is very genuine. She misses me all the time when she not around me, and I miss her when Im not around her. We are so in love I thing she is the one im going to marry.... BUT I seriously get so depressed over what happend... the worst thing is that he took pictures of her naked and giving him oral sex with his cell phone. I dont know why he did this. I confronted him on this and he tells me he deleted them, but why should I believe him?? Why would he take the pictures, why didnt my gf stop him or say anything?? All this happend about 6 months ago... I think about it everyday. I wonder what happend to the pics and if he really deleted them. I get so depressed and always ask her questions about it, which ultimatly leads to a fight. I feel our relationship is tainted and not pure anymore. I love her so much and I with this never happend. I really do think we will get married. How can I stop thinking about what happend, stop thinking about the pictures??? I get so worried he's lying about deleting them and that those pictures will pop up one day. My roommate and since appologized to me telling me how awful he feels and how he didnt think we were getting back togeather (which doesnt excuse that I was moving back in after the summer... had to find a ddifferent place to live cuz i was so mad). My gf also has apolozized telling me she didnt think i was coming back and she was crying everyday about it, when my roommate started flirting with her it took her mind on me. So how can i get over this?? Is it a big deal what happend or am I making it a big deal (we werre not togeather when this happend). Should I be worried about the pictures even though he told me he deleted them? thanks
Author srsvfx Posted January 21, 2006 Author Posted January 21, 2006 can someone please throw some advice my way? this is really destroying me...
Author srsvfx Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 ......... 6 months later this hurts more than I thought it would... since no one has responded I can only guess everyones thoughts were "thats really bad theres no way to fix that"... i hate what i caused, i could have been so happy right now. i cant believe no one can think of anything to make the situation seem better. its worse than i thought.... goodbye.
Author srsvfx Posted January 23, 2006 Author Posted January 23, 2006 goodbye to the forums that is... this site isnt helping me at all
RZA-Man Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 That's a dicey situation. If you can't get passed this episode, your relationship is not going to last. Have you thought of seeing a counselor?
lindya Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 goodbye to the forums that is... this site isnt helping me at all Sometimes messages get overlooked on busy sections. Sorry you didn't get a quick answer to your post. It's impossible to say why he'd take pictures of her during sex, but I honestly think that sometimes people just do stupid or mean things on an impulse rather than having deep and dark motivations. To the circumstances that led up to this incident. You've said... I felt I was getting bored with the relationship and decided to put it on hold for the summer. She was devistated about this When she called I told her I didnt want to talk to her or anything. I got really mean to her because I felt she wasnt getting the hint, but she still said she was waiting, which i really really really liked. Two weeks after we put things on hold I miss her so much I call her up and tell her that I miss her. Something seemed wrong. I finally got her to admit that she had hooked up with someone the night before You got bored with her, but you were happy with the idea of her hanging around waiting for you. I suppose that the natural question leading on from that would be...under those circumstances, why you would expect any sort of loyalty from her? I'm sorry to hear that you're depressed, but I have to ask. When you're busy asking her questions about this incident - which occurred while you were on a break, remember....does she interrogate you with questions about why you suddenly decided you were bored of her and the relationship and wanted a break from both? The world doesn't stop for you when you make a decision like taking a break from someone. It was a bit s***ty that she slept with your room-mate - but from both his perspective and hers, your request for a break may have indicated that you weren't particularly crazy about this girl anyway...so why not?
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 I agree with Lindya. If you were so cruel as to dump her AND make her wait for you to make up your mind, then you have nothing to complain about when she decides to move on. If you love someone, and you set them free, you'd better be prepared for them not to come back.
bluechocolate Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 ditto & ditto to jen_jen & lindya goodbye to the forums that is... this site isnt helping me at all diddums But honestly, your situation is like selling your car & then trying to dictate to the buyer how, when & where they can drive it. (I'm only objectiving people here to make a point) All this happend about 6 months ago... I think about it everyday. I wonder what happend to the pics and if he really deleted them. I get so depressed and always ask her questions about it, which ultimatly leads to a fight. You need to end this relationship or get some professional help to get over this incident. Whatever you do - stop badgering your g/friend about it - it is not her problem or issue.
StArGaZeR Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 srsvfx Thanks for responding to my post today. Sooner or later you're going to have to move past what happened, and although it may be difficult you should think about forgiving both her and your roomate for what happened. It sounds like they both are sorry for what happened but it doesn't sound like you forgave them. I don't think counseling would help but that's just my opinion. I think this is something you're going to have to let go of with a boost of confidence and putting trust back into your girlfriend, as hard as that may sound. Don't get me wrong here, as I'm not trying to downplay what happened because that would be a very hurtful experience for most people. What's helped me recently with my situation is just going to a bookstore, in the "self help" section (I hate saying it like that, it should be more like "personal growth/inspiration") and just finding a few books that might speak about trust or getting past a hurtful experience. Grab a few and spend some time flipping through and seeing if they would benefit you at all from reading them. For me I spent about 10-15 minutes on each one, just to get an idea of its content, then if none of them help move on to some more. Although I couldn't find any that spoke of my particular experiences I did find some that inspired me to try and find more joy in myself, my life and in others. One in particular is Hal Urban's Choices That Change Lives; 15 Ways To Find More Purpose, Meaning, and Joy. This one may not benefit you, but it's helping me tremendously. Like I said, if you can't find any right away, don't fret. There will be some that help. You just have to weed out the ones that can't.. That's what it sounds like you need right now. I wouldn't spend anymore time worrying about the pictures popping up, it was their choice to take them in the first place and as much as it hurts you have no control over it. At this point the roomate has got to have more respect for you than that, and if you feel he doesn't then I would sever all ties with him completely. That's my 2 cents.
skeptik224 Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 As crappy a thing as it was, you have no right to be so mad about it. YOU WERE ON A BREAK. If my ex came back to me today, I couldn't be mad at her for dating other people. You CHOSE to take a break from her. Yeah, it was crappy her messing around with your roommate...she may have done it to spite you. When my ex broke up with me, I went to see her best friend out of state....nothing happened but I went and saw her because I knew it'd get back to my ex. (not a good thing at all) You need to forgive her for doing that just like she's forgiven you for breaking her heart. SHE WAITED FOR YOU...THAT SAYS SOMETHING ABOUT HOW SHE FEELS. If you keep rehashing thins, you're going to ruin the 2nd chance so many of us are wanting now. Let it go....possibly talk to someone about it.
pinksparkle Posted January 23, 2006 Posted January 23, 2006 Hey, I know how angry you feel that she did that while you were apart. My ex did that to me, although he just made out with some random girl. It's hard to let it go, but you have to. You were apart. Be happy that she is still wanting to be with you despite the fact that you took a little break. Because ultimately all that matters is you two and what you mean to one another. If you let your anger get in the way, it could present a real problem. I hope that you can get past the anger and see how happy you make one another. Let me know what happens.
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