its all coming back

[sick of it]

so i recently moved back to school to be near friends, get my masters, keep busy...

i was hoping that moving would put the nail in the coffin so to speak, finally get me to move past the break up which happened 7 months ago after 5.5 years.

ive found that over the last 3 days im thinking about her a lot more than usual. i feel so empty. im so used to calling her at the end of the day after classes or walking out of my building and seeing a voicemail. i havent spoken with her in a month. ive blocked her from IM and i have no idea what shes doing except that shes had a BF for a few months. i started to feel better before i moved but im getting those old feelings back. the lonely, empty feelings.

im on a campus of 15000 people and i still dont notice anyone. i still cant imagine anyone else but her. i was so hurt by her but i think i still love her...i at least miss her a lot. i miss my best friend. theres no one that i trust. i have plenty of friends, but nothing close to what i had with her. she moved on without looking back and i cant get over that i invested so much into her and am left where i am, while shes happy.

i just needed to vent. its been a long time and ive vented to my friends enough, i feel ashamed for bringing it up with them anymore.

thanks

[latefragment]

hang in there... it's tough. gosh i wish you could understand that i know how you feel, maybe abandoned, astonished, slightly betrayed, and so lonely. going back to school brings back those memories, i know what yo umean about walking out of the building and expecting a voice mail on your cell.

 

my ex has moved on with a new girlfriend, and now that he's back in town after a year away, (and still with her) it's bringing back all those memories... how he used to call every day, sometimes twice or three times, just to talk to me. i got used to getting a phone call from him every day around the same time, it was music to my ears ... that ringtone. i don't use "his" ringtone anymore. i know that when he leaves town in a few weeks i'll be sad, even though we only saw each other once, and it was sad and weird for me. it was painful.

 

now my phone is pretty quiet. i mean, i've made a bunch of new friends, so they call me, but not like he used to (obviously).

 

well, i hope that knowing someone else knows how you feel makes you feel a little better. please try to hang in there!!!

[wendel1]

so i recently moved back to school to be near friends, get my masters, keep busy...

i was hoping that moving would put the nail in the coffin so to speak, finally get me to move past the break up which happened 7 months ago after 5.5 years.

ive found that over the last 3 days im thinking about her a lot more than usual. i feel so empty. im so used to calling her at the end of the day after classes or walking out of my building and seeing a voicemail. i havent spoken with her in a month. ive blocked her from IM and i have no idea what shes doing except that shes had a BF for a few months. i started to feel better before i moved but im getting those old feelings back. the lonely, empty feelings.

im on a campus of 15000 people and i still dont notice anyone. i still cant imagine anyone else but her. i was so hurt by her but i think i still love her...i at least miss her a lot. i miss my best friend. theres no one that i trust. i have plenty of friends, but nothing close to what i had with her. she moved on without looking back and i cant get over that i invested so much into her and am left where i am, while shes happy.

i just needed to vent. its been a long time and ive vented to my friends enough, i feel ashamed for bringing it up with them anymore.

thanks

 

 

Dont worry....you are not alone...I'm sure we have all thought exactly what you just said..hang in there

[In Sync]

so i recently moved back to school to be near friends, get my masters, keep busy...

i was hoping that moving would put the nail in the coffin so to speak, finally get me to move past the break up which happened 7 months ago after 5.5 years.

ive found that over the last 3 days im thinking about her a lot more than usual. i feel so empty. im so used to calling her at the end of the day after classes or walking out of my building and seeing a voicemail. i havent spoken with her in a month. ive blocked her from IM and i have no idea what shes doing except that shes had a BF for a few months. i started to feel better before i moved but im getting those old feelings back. the lonely, empty feelings.

im on a campus of 15000 people and i still dont notice anyone. i still cant imagine anyone else but her. i was so hurt by her but i think i still love her...i at least miss her a lot. i miss my best friend. theres no one that i trust. i have plenty of friends, but nothing close to what i had with her. she moved on without looking back and i cant get over that i invested so much into her and am left where i am, while shes happy.

i just needed to vent. its been a long time and ive vented to my friends enough, i feel ashamed for bringing it up with them anymore.

thanks

 

When my lover broke it off from me I too felt abandoned and totally adrift as he was also my best friend. But here I am 10 months since with 3 months of solid NC and I am still standing! Sometimes it's rough but I have managed to smile and laugh despite my lapses into missing him (it comes and goes in cycles this part)...I have a suggestion, keep yourself busy for a long time. It seems like a small remedy but it does work. Try to meet people but not to replace the feeling of 'best friend' only to keep yourself connected to people...be open to their kindness and friendliness for you. AND remember something, We attached ourselves to people for a reason, because of something we lack within ourselves...when that is gone WE FEEL THE LOSS

strongly, we have to be our own best friends at times and take care of ourselves when others who we depended on have moved on. Really think about it , if you were someone's best friend would you be able to just walk away from that person so easily? Maybe the ones we call our best friends really aren't.....

[sick of it]

i know i have the ability to make someone happy. I have the ability to make someone melt...i know i do, ive done it before. i dont have a problem with people being interested in me...i dont mean for that to sound conceited. but everyone i meet is now "a potential". ive never had that before. i dont like it or want it. im not interested in anyone and yet im so lonely and miss the closeness and intimacy (not just physical intimacy). i still feel guilty or like im doing something wrong if i look at another girl.

im not interested in just "hooking up". i dont think i can do it. i persoanlly think theres something wrong in doing that. i dont know. everyone i look at i compare, and i know i shouldnt, but i cant help it. i still feel so f**** up because of this....its been 7 months! when does it stop??? i want be normal again. i feel like i have so much baggage. i dont know how to get rid of it.

 

though ive been extremely serious about the NC, part of me wants to call. i wont. i cant. im afraid to. im so afraid of her. im so afraid of hearing how great her life could be. im so afraid of hearing reality. and because of that i feel horrible that i cant talk to the only person ive loved. i cant converse withher, i dont know what to say, i dont know if she even thinks about me at all. i feel horrible that i cnat even say hello without almost shaking. baggage. this is also how i know im obviously not ready for another relationship with anyone. time time time? keep busy? meet people? prayer? im trying everything

[In Sync]

i know i have the ability to make someone happy. I have the ability to make someone melt...i know i do, ive done it before. i dont have a problem with people being interested in me...i dont mean for that to sound conceited. but everyone i meet is now "a potential". ive never had that before. i dont like it or want it. im not interested in anyone and yet im so lonely and miss the closeness and intimacy (not just physical intimacy). i still feel guilty or like im doing something wrong if i look at another girl.

im not interested in just "hooking up". i dont think i can do it. i persoanlly think theres something wrong in doing that. i dont know. everyone i look at i compare, and i know i shouldnt, but i cant help it. i still feel so f**** up because of this....its been 7 months! when does it stop??? i want be normal again. i feel like i have so much baggage. i dont know how to get rid of it.

 

though ive been extremely serious about the NC, part of me wants to call. i wont. i cant. im afraid to. im so afraid of her. im so afraid of hearing how great her life could be. im so afraid of hearing reality. and because of that i feel horrible that i cant talk to the only person ive loved. i cant converse withher, i dont know what to say, i dont know if she even thinks about me at all. i feel horrible that i cnat even say hello without almost shaking. baggage. this is also how i know im obviously not ready for another relationship with anyone. time time time? keep busy? meet people? prayer? im trying everything

 

 

I'm not suggesting you should meet people for the sake of creating a new relationship, I'm saying in order not to shut down, meeting people without a expectation of it being a romantic relationship makes you open to goodness around you. Look at all the people here on LS who are ofering advice, and there's no romantic entanglement but yet you are open to hearing and listening to advice. You need to know that people care about you because that's what people need in life like water and you need to nurture that part of you.

 

You must be diligent with NC. This is an extremely crucial time for you. Grieving the loss of a relationship. There's no escaping it or hiding from the pain you are going through and for each person it will be different. You are correct in knowingfor yourself that you cannot handle hearing news about her life. In my own situation, when I read about others who still see their X's, I consider myslef DAMNED LUCKY. Because the less I knew of him (And I haven't see or heard of him in 3 months..it's truly like a UFO removed him from my being!!) has made my recovery better. I know I would be a basket case if I had seen him with a new girl. My imagination alone took care of that so seeing him would have doubled the pain. SO avoid any contact when you are hurting this much. Especially little chit chats, e-mails. Of course you know this, but occassionally we ALL need to be reminded! Your fears of running into her will eventually subside, but not until you feel stronger within yourself. Even those who are stronger have a hard time facing their X's, so be truthful with yourself and don't give into the temptation to call her.

Other than that, don't deny your hurt feelings to yourself. It's not about being a braveface. Your pain is real but IT will take time to lessen. Hugs all around.

[jacked17]

It sucks man what you're going through. It's a tough situation when you're life is one way for so long and then bam before you know it things have changes and people have changed and it just feels like one big nightmare. It's not the times when you're with other people that are sad. It's when you're alone and you have time to think and to reflect on the good times. That's what gets me. My commutes home from work where I have nothing but 35 minutes to just think. Look at it this way though you've already made it through 7 months and I'd imagine the 7th month was a tiny bit easier than the first month. Just keep your head up and take it one day at a time and who knows everyone says it gets better but I always say i'll believe it when I see it but just keep hanging in there.

[sick of it]

things were getting easier. i was starting to become myself again. the problem is that since ive moved back to school, all i think about it her. i was with her all through college. she was the person iw anted to talk to at the end of the day, she was the person i wanted to see at the end of the week ( we went to different schools). i still feel that way. i still want to go home to her and because the last time i was here we were together, all those old feelings are resurfacing after they finally were starting to go away.

hell, i cant even talk to her. i want to, but it wouldnt be the same, i shouldnt want to after everything she said to me. i dont even know why she said them to me....it just feels like everything is starting over. ive been miserable for so long , i really dont want it to start over again.

[scobro]

someone else can and eventually will replace everything you ever loved about your ex and more.