JoEY09 Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Im not an experienced person at all when it comes to girls, so, please guys-girls i really need help. i met this girls 7 months ago in a birthday party, we shared conversations, took emails, started being chat friends after a month, then after 4 months we started calling eachother, and now we have been friends in phone for lik 4 months. we had a small fight, the fight ended up with a subject *our friendship is not moving forword* she confessed she wants to build a very strong friendship with me and told me she wanna meet me soon, we met two days in a row, then again today in some gathering.. not to mention: she is the kind of people who is very protected about her close friends and ofcourse when it comes to chosing a boy friend. * she doesnt let anyone to enter her life that easy* right now: especialy after we met, she is changing on me, i feel she is changing her mind about me and i have no idea why, and no idea wat to do? wat did ( strong friendship ) meant to her ?, some people told me it meant morethan just friends, i dont have xperience at all in this area, please help me with all you can , should i be cold with her ? or should i go with the flow? or wat wat. thanx alot
amerikajin Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Let me just make sure I've got this straight: you mean, you want to be her boyfriend, right? And you want to know how? Mmmmm...well, you two already know each other well enough so you may as well just come out and ask her if she wants to be your girlfriend in return. If she doesn't want to date then you'll just have to accept that. You'll have a choice - either to accept friendship and keep talking to her, or to move on completely. I would not keep asking her again and again. Ask her once, and that should be your final answer.
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Amerikajin's advice is perfect. Let me just fill in the mental game that goes with this. Don't obsess and overanalyse. Just go for it. It either is or it isn't. Play the man, take the initiative and be prepared to accept either outcome cheerfully and graciously. Then move forward. Most girls manage their emotions well and are faithful and consistent. However, there are some girls in this life who are messed up and emotionally unstable ("high maintenance"). I don't know for sure, but your girl gives at least some high maintenance vibes. So date her by all means, but don't make a final choice in your heart until you see over time just how stable she is and are prepared to live with this. Good luck!
Author JoEY09 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 Yeah i do wanna be her boy friend, and to think about it that we both knew eachother for long enough to ask her out. is a good idea, BUT we only started meeting a week ago, we met 3 times only, ( i was going to meet more and more and then tell her i wanna be her boy friend ), and she is stopping everything, :S she just stoped calling and i feel she is pulling her self back from everything, even from this friendship. **Important note: this girl had a parents divorce a year ago, and she still feels depressed sometimes about it, it might be affecting her, affecting chosing her friends and having a boy friend, * i tryed being the guy next to her whenever shes depressed...etc * she was working with me in this and we talked sometimes at night for hours. but i still think she is limiting me . just started limiting me**
amerikajin Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I hate to say it but your instincts are probably right, Joey. Sitting behind a computer I can never say something like this with 100 percent certainty but that's what it looks like from here. In that case, what you do is pull back yourself. Don't ask her anything. Women who want to be pursued rarely pull back. At the very least, even if they still are somewhat interested, it's a sign that she wants to take things a bit more slowly. I'd stop calling. I wouldn't ask her out. I would keep your distance for a good week or so and see how that goes. Trust me, if she's interested, she will somehow reappear. If not, well...you know where you stand.
Author JoEY09 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 hmmm, i already stopped everything since the gathering, which was 2 days ago, i stopped calling or msging her or even chating with her, so i guess i will have to keep doing that, im leaving the country in 5 days. for a vacation that will last for a week, do u recommend i leave without telling her?. or even to care to tell her ? is ur point ( BE CARELESS In A WAY ) ?
amerikajin Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Joey, My point is that sometimes the women we love, don't love us back - that's a fact of life. It's driven me to many a beer. The good news is...you can always try, try again. I think the bottom line is you've already expressed your interest and she pulled back. She's pulling back not because she's holding out for more expression of interest, she's pulling back because she is probably not interested.
Author JoEY09 Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 So. u r saying that, 7 months of friendship, and talking in the phone for hours, she just decided to forget everything and pull back ? it doesnt make sense :S * and there is an idea i was thinking of, my sister told me to just talk to her about it, tell her everything iv been feeling * do u think its too soon to open up? we just 3 times.
amerikajin Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Yes, that's what I'm saying. I'll explain... When you were just friends, she felt comfortable with that. You weren't asking her for anything, and she didn't feel pressure to behave in a way that would satisfy you. When you made your intentions to upgrade the relationship to a romantic one, she may have realized that and then concluded that her feelings weren't the same as yours. She didn't know how to respond, so she just backed away. That happens all the time. It's happened to me before, and it's happened to most dudes that I know at least once in their lives. As for telling her how you feel, I suppose you could do that but I doubt that's going to be of any help. I think that when a woman is interested, she will find ways to make sure you're aware of that. If you talk to her, perhaps you could say "Hey, just to clear the air, I like you. I'm interested in you, but I don't want to make things awkward between us. If that's not what you want in return, I accept that. We can still be friends." And don't bring the subject up again. 1
Author JoEY09 Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 hmmm she did made me aware of that when she told me she wanna build a strong friendship with me and asked me to meet her a week ago. plus, she would have limited me when i tryed to get deep in our conversations at night in the phone if she didnt like me in the first place. wat do u think?, plus. something else, we r meeting soon before i leave the country for vacation, i was thinkin of gettin a little bit deep with her wat do u think ?
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