Is it wrong that I feel bad?

[lemonicetea]

So my aunt is hosting a Mother’s Day brunch with a lot of friends and family members. Since I’m not a big gathering kind of person, I told her that I appreciate the invite but I’ll pass. Since I eat dinner with my parents every Saturday I was just going to spend time with my mom and give her a card and presents then. I just found out that my brother who lives like three hours’ drive away is going to the brunch. I’m most likely going to see him at my parents house so it’s not like I’m going to miss out on him, but I feel kind of guilty that my brother can manage to drive three hours to go to the party I can’t muster up the mental strength to drive across town to go. I feel kind of like a jerk and I should want to spend time with my family. I’m confused on what to do?

[Gebidozo]

Don’t feel bad. I absolutely can’t stand gatherings and seek out every opportunity to avoid them. If I felt guilty every time I refused to attend a gathering I would’ve died of unbearable guilt a long time ago.

[Sanch62]

On 5/3/2026 at 11:20 AM, lemonicetea said:

... my brother can manage to drive three hours to go to the party I can’t muster up the mental strength to drive across town to go.

This would help me realize that not everything is about me.

There's a difference between "can't" and "won't". Once I considered that the family stuff is about contributing to my family's enjoyment rather than focusing solely on my own, it became easier to step up and take my parents to these things. Watching them blossom in the company of loved ones made me feel great. My folks talked about it for days with other family members, who were also enlivened and couldn't stop talking about it, either.

When something so simple can bring joy to so many, we can either regard that as contagious or not. It's a decision.

[Els]

How negatively do you feel about attending that big gathering?

If you feel strongly negatively about it, or if the people at those gatherings have a history of disrespecting you (I know cultures where this is common)... then just don't worry about it. You don't have to burn yourself to keep other people warm.

But if you're just "not a big gathering" kind of person and you feel mostly neutral about it, I think you might consider going. 

[ShySoul]

Never feel bad about needing time to yourself or not attending large gatherings. So much of the world is geared towards an extrovert ideal where we feel we are obligated to be social even when we don't want to be or don't have the energy for it. You shouldn't do things just because you feel you are supposed to like that. It's likely to make you feel more stressed, uncomfortable if you did go, and burnt out after. That's not good for anyone.

It's fine to spend time with people one on one and conserve those big party moments for times when it is absolutely essential. If you can avoid gatherings and still show your love and appreciation in other ways, ways more introvert friendly, do it and don't feel bad.