Can't get over a two week fling that ended badly.

[Groan]

Hi. For some background, I (M39) took about a year off dating to deal with quitting alcohol and adjusting to my new lifestyle. However, I was feeling confident in myself and my ability to date more so than ever and started slowly online dating in January. This didn't go particularly well, but I felt undeterred.

About a month ago, I unexpectedly met someone (F32) at a local concert and we instantly hit it off- I'd seen her around our small music scene before but I hadn't talk to her. The situation seemed entirely kismet. We connected/chatted a lot on Instagram, she gave me her number, and I set up a date after a day or two. Before that could happen, though, she invited herself over to my place and ended up staying for three nights/two days. We both commented that this was a crazy thing to do, as we literally just met, but the whole time, we were laughing, cuddling, doing hand/mouth stuff, and generally enjoying each other very much. The day she left was when we scheduled our date, so that didn't end up happening.

She invited herself over two other times for a single night before/after we had our actual first date, which was a fancy restaurant followed by ice cream and going back to my place. Basically, it was four times seeing each other within two weeks. All of that went very well and included hand/mouth stuff (no actual sex) and making plans for fun dates, and I found myself getting feelings for her. Even though we didn't know each other very well, I felt so very good when I was around her that I thought we could potentially be in a relationship after some more time of getting to know each other.

The last time we hung out at my place ended very poorly. We had scheduled a date for Monday, but she invited herself over again on Sunday night. She was initially all over me- straddling and kissing me on the kitchen floor. However, when we sat down to watch a movie, things seemed to suddenly shift. I was a little turned on by being hot and heavy just ten minutes before and started playing with her breast, which she told me to stop doing. I was a little confused by this since she seemed in the mood shortly before, but immediately stopped. A half hour later, I tried affectionately rubbing her thigh and again got told to stop. This to me didn't feel like I was trying to initiate anything, but to her, apparently, it seemed so and she was still annoyed when I tried to explain that. The third time, I accidentally touched her breast when I turned over to speak to her and she wouldn't listen when I tried to say it wasn't on purpose. She angrily asked for space, which I gave her.

When the movie ended, I was going to bed and she said she wanted to stay on the couch for a few minutes. Ten minutes later, I found her asleep on the couch. I woke her up and asked her to talk about what happened, but she snapped at me. She eventually came to bed and threw me off when I tried to cuddle her, and again wouldn't talk to me about what was going on. I was very upset to have someone in my bed who didn't want to be there, so I couldn't sleep at all. My tossing and turning kept her apparently kept her awake. She stormed out as quick as possible in the morning and again wouldn't talk to me about what happened. I texted her that I was sorry that same day and also about a pill she had left a couple days later, which she did not respond to. The next day was incidentally my birthday.

A week and a half later, we were again at the same show at a very small venue. We kept to opposite ends of the room and didn't acknowledge each other beyond some brief sad eye contact. This felt terrible for me and even though I would've stuck around afterwards to talk to friends, I immediately left. A couple days later/Monday, I texted her an apology for keeping her awake and crossing her boundaries- even though it felt she was giving me mixed signals and I was genuinely trying to be affectionate after that first failed pass, it still happened and I feel terrible for making her feel uncomfortable. She texted me back the next day that she appreciated the apology and also said that she would come pick up her pill "some day."

At this point, I still have feelings for her and I don't know what to do myself. It really did seem like there was potential for a relationship and we seemed very into each other, but things went south because of what seemed like crossed wires. I don't have expectations for anything happening, but, despite all logic, I have the smallest hope that we can try again at some point at a much slower pace. I doubt it though. The more immediate worry is that we're inevitably going to run into each other probably sooner rather than later and I need to get myself over that, but I'm not sure how.

Meanwhile, I'm taking time off dating and working on myself. The confidenece that I felt when I met this person has completely deteriorated and I'm not feeling up for more rejection. I have my first therapy appointment on Friday to deal with other general life problems, but this will certainly come up.

Edited 21 hours ago by Groan

[Sony12]

Sounds like she enjoys inviting herself over to other people's places. Do you know where she lives? Is it decent? Giving a guy a handjob or blowjob would probably be a small price for her to pay for getting a nice place to sleep for a few days.

She was being pretty intrusive right from the beginning.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, Groan said:

At this point, I still have feelings for her and I don't know what to do myself

You barely know this person, so I would urge you not to confuse flattery and lust for true feelings for this woman. 

She sounds erratic and not someone who would make a suitable candidate for a relationship. Be wary of people who come this strongly this quickly. It's generally not a good sign and they often bounce as fast as they crash-landed into your life.