I broke up with an amazing person

[EscherParadox]

First of all, I apologize if I make any grammar errors. English is not my first language, I'll do my best. 

 

I was in a relationship, it lasted many years, but we grew apart and she decided to leave. After that I got depression. Now I'm feeling el better, but some days are rough. 

A couple of years later I started dating a girl. She was once one friend (probably my best friend, actually). It was so unexpected, it just happened. 

We dated for almost an year. She was amazing, fun, smart and we shared so many interests and hobbies. But something felt... Off. 

I felt unhappy most of the time, even tho our relationship was amazing. One day that feeling became unbearable and I broke up with her. I feel so guilty. I know she loved me so much...but for some reason I couldn't feel the same. I hurt her and she didn't deserve it. 

I miss her. I miss our conversations, her laugh, her jokes. I love her but I don't love her THAT way (does it makes sense?). 

I don't understand why I didn't fell in love with such an amazing woman. I'm not putting her on a pedestal, I'm 100% sure about what I'm saying. 

 

So now I'm trying to figure out what went wrong. As I said, I miss her...but contacting her would be selfish. I know I can't lover her the same way she did. 

I just can't accept the fact that she's not part of my life anymore.

Edited yesterday at 01:30 PM by EscherParadox

[Tia_minds]

"Unhappy most of the time, even though the relationship was amazing" - that specific combination is so hard to explain to anyone who hasn't felt it. There's no clean problem to point at. The problem is almost that there isn't one, on paper.

I've had smaller versions of that, where you keep waiting for yourself to catch up with the situation. Like you're supposed to feel lucky and mostly you just feel tired.

[EscherParadox]

1 hour ago, Tia_minds said:

"Unhappy most of the time, even though the relationship was amazing" - that specific combination is so hard to explain to anyone who hasn't felt it. There's no clean problem to point at. The problem is almost that there isn't one, on paper.

I've had smaller versions of that, where you keep waiting for yourself to catch up with the situation. Like you're supposed to feel lucky and mostly you just feel tired.

Exactly. I was supposed to feel happy and lucky, but instead I was mentally drained. It's weird. 

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, EscherParadox said:

I love her but I don't love her THAT way (does it makes sense?). 

Absolutely.

 

2 hours ago, EscherParadox said:

So now I'm trying to figure out what went wrong.

Nothing went wrong. You didn’t love her romantically. Breaking up with her was the right thing to do.

Please don’t blame yourself for not loving her. It doesn’t matter that she is a great person. We love whom we love. If we only loved the nicest people then flawed people wouldn’t have a chance and romance would turn into an insane worldwide competition for the affection of a select few.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, EscherParadox said:

I was supposed to feel happy and lucky, but instead I was mentally drained. It's weird. 

Why were you "supposed" to feel that way? 

You weren't into her romantically. it's not that unusual. 

[EscherParadox]

10 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why were you "supposed" to feel that way? 

You weren't into her romantically. it's not that unusual. 

I've dated absolutely horrible people, and i fell in love with them quite easily. So it just feels weird not falling in love with a genuine good woman. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, EscherParadox said:

I've dated absolutely horrible people, and i fell in love with them quite easily. So it just feels weird not falling in love with a genuine good woman. 

Sure, but we don't feel a romantic connection with someone just because they're a good person. That's the distinction between seeing someone as a dear friend instead of a romantic partner. 

Nothing went wrong. You just were not into her that way and did the right thing ending it. 

[EscherParadox]

20 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Absolutely.

 

Nothing went wrong. You didn’t love her romantically. Breaking up with her was the right thing to do.

Please don’t blame yourself for not loving her. It doesn’t matter that she is a great person. We love whom we love. If we only loved the nicest people then flawed people wouldn’t have a chance and romance would turn into an insane worldwide competition for the affection of a select few.

But still, I feel like I'm an horrible person. I didn't want to hurt her. 

Also I feel like I'll l never find someone like her. She was special, and I found myself comparing other people to her, like "She's interesting , but she's not her". You know what I mean? 

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, EscherParadox said:

But still, I feel like I'm an horrible person. I didn't want to hurt her. 

…and that’s why you made the right decision and broke up with her. If you were horrible you’d stay with her in a loveless relationship, misleading her and depriving her of love.

 

3 hours ago, EscherParadox said:

She was special, and I found myself comparing other people to her, like "She's interesting , but she's not her". You know what I mean? 

Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that there was no true romantic connection. I have female friends who are very interesting, intelligent, and kind. That doesn’t mean that there is a possibility of a romantic relationship between us.

[Sanch62]

You get to decide how miserable you want to make yourself over this. Nobody enjoys a breakup. There are rarely (if ever) breakups where both people walk away feeling happy and relieved. Yet breakups are a part of life. They're one of the necessary risks we take before discovering ourselves in a relationship that doesn't serve us. One indicator of this is unhappiness despite having a partner who is wonderful and has done nothing wrong.

No villain is necessary for a breakup to be the right thing to do for someone who deserves the kind of love and desire we've learned that we are not capable of offering them.