Mixed signals

[Anonymous]

 I'm in a connection at the moment with the boyfriend. The mum is jealous, her health and mental health conditions, also overall unsettle me as I think she needs carers and help in. She has stepped back from burdening us with her issues and from being the fly on the wall/gooseberry, enroaching on our time with friends, except for the main BBQs, which is good. She understands that she needs to let us blossom and grow as a duo team to a couple. 

But at present, one moment I'm getting he wants to make it official eventually, but there are a lot of red tape hurdles to come across and in the next minute,

I get words to this effect, but if i got rid of ya, the cat will miss you. We ended up getting two kittens to keep his mum company as she's now a widow. One of the kittens has bonded with her, one of the kittens has bonded with me. I will definitely miss her if I go. And I know she will be missing my absence, if I go because the bond is strong. Every time I leave, she cries to find out where I'm at. And will race in to greet me and check on me when I'm there too, at night as well, often if I leave.

I know he has trust issues from the past and past and present hurts just the same as I do. Its the one good solid friendship for the last 3 years that I've had in my years and waking life, without the pressure on top of the initial word of connection.

 

His best friend doesn't trust me. Nor I him, to the point of where I can throw him but I know he has a heart with good intentions. I've helped my boyfriend move in and out of his place, until his mum asked him to move back home, because rent was too expensive and we weren't saving to make enough ends meet.

The feeling that we need a reprieve is strong but neither of us want to admit to it to break up the initial changes in our lives and make the initial changes needing to be made. He is fed up with his lifestyle at the moment and I think its because he needs his own space. He only gets that when he's at work. I do have a holiday coming up and a holiday being booked, but it doesn't change the fact that the situation will be the same when we get back from it.

I haven't changed it into a relationship and I don't see it as a relationship, it is more of a connection, but i think his family are treating it as a relationship. Even his mum has pointed out we are good together but there's something missing. I think its communication and also, the fact he works full time from 6-4 during the day... our love in life with each other is consistent but the affection seems like one sided... also the attraction side of it has come to a  complete halt because I'm waiting on treatment. I'm not sure if its fair to say if there's some heartache surrounding it, and it feels like our connection is dying.

Seem to have come to a halt now, short of having a holiday or a reprieve or a break from each other, i don't know what else to do. I know he doesn't want the break as he told me to stop repeating about the having a break comment. Its just our situations that are awkward, I think and mine and his beliefs causing conflict as well. 

 

How would you restore a broken connection? Would you let it go its own course? Or would you continue to restore it/or is it worth having a break?

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I haven't changed it into a relationship and I don't see it as a relationship, it is more of a connection,

I don't understand your situation. You are not in a relationship with this man, yet you live together? What is the difference between a relationship and a "connection" in this context? 

2 hours ago, Anonymous said:

the affection seems like one sided... also the attraction side of it has come to a  complete halt because I'm waiting on treatment.

Who isn't attracted to whom? What sort of treatment are you waiting on? I am going to gather that you two are (or were) sexually active - is that right? 

 

[Anonymous]

That is correct. I'm in a connection with him and it is a good standing friendship, but his family are treating it as a relationship.

I'm visiting him , we are not living together,, we have done in the past, in his flat, for more than 3 years, though since he moved home,  most of the time is spent around his mum, while he is at work. I don't think either of us are attracted to each other, but the sex isn't there even when we are active.... the treatment is hospital related as I'm waiting on a general surgery op.