Thoughts

[Lifequestions]

I’m hoping to just get some people’s thoughts on a series of related scenarios that have happened recently. I’m unsure how to feel about them. 
 

Last week I went on a trip and got very sick. My boyfriend didn’t come with me. He stayed home. He told me he would make sure the house was clean when I got home so I wouldn’t have to do anything. This was really sweet as I didn’t think I would be able to come home and clean the whole house while still recovering. As I’m writing this I still don’t feel recovered all the way. 
 

So, he picks me up from the airport and we go home. I’m drained and just want to lay down but I quickly unpack my stuff. As I do I notice there are several things (about half the tasks) that got missed when he cleaned. He got a little upset that I started cleaning but it needed to be done. We both started our work weeks the next day. I usually make lists for the cleaning but it was obvious stuff and we’ve lived together for over two years. I was a little frustrated he couldn’t have referenced an old checklist after telling me he would make sure I didn’t have to do anything and I could just rest. 

I spend most of the rest of that day and the next two evenings after work sleeping I could not stay awake. By the third da, Wednesday I was feeling better enough to ease back into going to the gym with my mom and eat when I got home. I told my boyfriend this. My boyfriend usually plays video games while my mom and I are at the gym. I detest being home while he does this, the way he and his friends behave when they play, the things they say make me feel really uncomfortable. He know this and all I ask from him is that he play while I’m away (which he and his friends did the whole time I was gone) and that they plan ahead so I can make plans to be out of the house. On this night before I left for the gym I told him I would be home at 7ish. I try to do this to give him time to get off the video game before I get home. While at the gym I missed a text from him asking if he could play games with a friend. When I got home exhausted and looking forward to a meal for the first time in 5 days they were playing. He said it wouldn’t be much longer so I said good because I was hungry, exhausted, and having super bad period cramps. I offered to take our dogs on a walk while he and his friend finished. They finished an hour and a half later. I stayed out the whole time because although I was doubled over crying from the pain and exhaustion and it was cold it was still the far better option than being home while he plays games. It hurt my feelings though that he knew I wasn’t feeling good and wanted to come home but still played for another hour and a half after telling me it wouldn’t be much longer. Especially after they had spend many evenings over the last week playing. He’s done this before when I haven’t been sick and I’ve expressed how it is better if they can make plans ahead of time so I can make plans too. Maybe I’m overreacting?
 

I just can’t help but feel if our roles were reversed I would have had a warm bowl of soup waiting when he got home from the gym and knowing he was still recovering I wouldn’t have even considered playing games with a friend. I would have wanted to eat with him, see how he’s doing, and take care of him. 
 

So, now I need people’s thoughts please and thank you. 

[Gebidozo]

It was very inconsiderate of him to keep playing while knowing that you were tired and needed to rest at home.

It is generally quite strange that you stay outside when he is playing video games with friends. What exactly makes you so uncomfortable that you can’t even be in the same apartment with him when he is doing that?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It is generally quite strange that you stay outside when he is playing video games with friends. What exactly makes you so uncomfortable that you can’t even be in the same apartment with him when he is doing that?

I don't quite get this, either. Are you trying to prove a point by refusing to be home with him when he's gaming? What's the reason you refuse to even be in another room?

It seems both of you are contributors to the strange and strained dynamic between you, OP. I am also guessing there's a lot of backstory underpinning this. He was not being very considerate, and you were blowing it out of proportion and blaming him when you did not literally need to be outside the house the entire time. 

 

Edited 1 hour ago by ExpatInItaly