My boyfriend threw away my energy drink without even saying hello, and I left. Now am I the jerk?

[Anonymous]

 

My boyfriend threw away my energy drink without even saying hello, and I left. Now am I the jerk?

Hi everyone. I need an outside perspective, because I can no longer tell who’s in the wrong.

I have a boyfriend — let's call him Dima. We've been together for over a year. He's at a military academy, so we see each other rarely. I wait for him for weeks, sometimes months.

Recently, he finally got a leave. I came to see him. I just wanted to hug him, see him, be near him.

He didn't even say hello. The first thing he did was notice the can of energy drink in my hand. He asked, "Would you be upset if I threw it away?" — then snatched it from me and tossed it in the trash. I was shocked. I told him I felt hurt. He started lecturing me about how bad energy drinks are for my health, about how I don't listen to him (since before this, he had said he was against smoking and energy drinks. Even before we got together, I used to smoke and drink energy drinks — after he spoke up, I cut back on the drinks and quit smoking). Then he asked: "What's more important to you — me or the energy drink?"

I told him his actions were disrespectful. That I'm not a child. That he shouldn't make decisions for me.

He said I don't appreciate his care.

I got upset and left.

He followed me. He said: "Come on, admit it — that was a good throw, right? Even you trying to catch the can didn't mess up its trajectory." He was proud of himself.

Later, he texted me that he needed to think, and then didn't call for two days.

My parents said he was right. That he's looking out for my health, and that I'm acting like a spoiled child.

I understand that energy drinks are bad for you. I know he's worried. I've already cut back on them. But I can't accept that a reunion I'd waited months for started with a thrown-away can instead of a hug. That he didn't even say hello. That his "care" feels like control. That day, I hadn't slept well and wanted to make the most of our time together — plus, I'd been waiting for him outside for an hour because I arrived a bit early, so I bought the energy drink.

Now I don't know if I'm right. Maybe I really am the jerk who doesn't appreciate someone caring for her? Or did he cross a line?

[Gebidozo]

You are not the jerk.

He, on the other hand, is a controlling a**h***.

I’m sorry, but what your parents say is utter nonsense.

You are a grown up person who can decide for herself what you drink and what you smoke. Nobody has the right to control your life, especially in such a freakishly rude manner.

I hope you broke up with this guy.

 

[Anonymous]

11 минут назад Гебидозо сказал:

Ты не придурок.

Он, с другой стороны, является контролирующим придурком.

Прости, но то, что говорят твои родители, полная чушь.

Ты взрослый человек, который может сам решать, что ты пьешь, а что куришь. Никто не имеет права контролировать вашу жизнь, особенно в такой безумно грубой манере.

Надеюсь, ты рассталась с этим парнем.

 

Thanks for the answer! We've taken a break from communication so far, he hasn't called for the third day, although before that he called every day at the same time because of the regulations at the military school.… I don't want to part with him, and I even think that it is possible to solve this situation and I can somehow influence the other person's attitude towards me, but at the same time I understand that I am wrong.

[flitzanu]

if you stay in this relationship, i'd guarantee it is only going to get worse about what he wants to control in your life.

taking something from you and throwing it in the trash is a high level of disrespect, and none of this is "to protect your health"

[Lakri]

2 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

если вы останетесь в этих отношениях, я гарантирую, что все будет только хуже из-за того, что он хочет контролировать в вашей жизни.

взять у вас что-то и выбросить это в мусорное ведро - это высокий уровень неуважения, и все это не является "защитой вашего здоровья"

I don't know... maybe I'm wrong, but he did ask me not to drink energy drinks...

[Lotsgoingon]

You're getting lost here--this is not a close debate. 

He was a controlling, arrogant, insulting jerk.  Now, he may have some good qualities, but clearly he has taken his own viewpoint on food way too seriously and judgmentally.

I got to tell you this--you really want to get to the point where you do NOT question yourself about this kind of abusive and controlling behavior. 

He was clearly wrong. If you can't see that, then you're in for a world of trouble. He's going to continue to try to control you, and you won't stop it because you're doubting yourself.

Please, work on this!!!

[Lakri]

1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You're getting lost here--this is not a close debate. 

He was a controlling, arrogant, insulting jerk.  Now, he may have some good qualities, but clearly he has taken his own viewpoint on food way too seriously and judgmentally.

I got to tell you this--you really want to get to the point where you do NOT question yourself about this kind of abusive and controlling behavior. 

He was clearly wrong. If you can't see that, then you're in for a world of trouble. He's going to continue to try to control you, and you won't stop it because you're doubting yourself.

Please, work on this!!!

Oh thank you so much for your response, I'll try to do something about it