Not sure how to go forward with dating. She got pregnant and it didn’t work out.

[Lamron300]

I have avoided posting for a while as I didn’t know what to say or what I wanted/needed to hear. I have a previous thread which provides some context. 
 

I was dating a woman since May 2025. Everything was good till around October 2025. First instance that really caused me/us to go sour is when she had a cold and came round to my house. We only live 15 minutes away and she was already driving back from work. She didn’t tell me she expected me to offer to drive to hers. She later brought it up in an argumentative way. Soon after she came to my house on a work day of mine, I was talking about work (I work for myself and had a bad bad day) and she said can you not always talk about work, I’m not your therapist. I literally never talked about work before. I felt I didn’t know how to go forward. She then broke up with me in January 2026 again for no good reason, I said I was coming to her house but then at 10.30pm there was a huge storm and couldn’t drive. Anyway she said it was an example of me not showing up. 
 

We didn’t speak for 5 days and she reached out to get a pan back she gave me. We ended up reconciling. 
 

Things were ‘normal’ and then out of the blue in late February/march, we were in a middle of an argument and she revealed she was pregnant. Naturally I was shocked, but I wasn’t nasty or angry or unsupportive ( she is 40, I’m 32). About a week later the pregnancy tests turned negative, suggesting it was a chemical pregnancy. As you may know from previous thread, she badly wanted kids, however, she is evasive and ‘meh’ about marriage (she’s been married before). 
 

In the aftermath of the loss, she blamed me and revised history and said I acted badly etc just because I was shocked and asked questions like ovulation maths etc. Withdrew from me. Even said ‘ what is the pros of being in a relationship with you I can’t have a cat, don’t want me to move in, won’t introduce me to anyone’ etc. 

Ive made some positive moves like focusing on making new friends, but I don’t know how to move on from this relationship/situation as it’s causing a lot of bad feeling/confusion to me. 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, Lamron300 said:

We ended up reconciling. 

Why?

The relationship has been toxic for a while. You actually broke up already, and even that seemed long overdue.

And now you’re saying that you reconciled?

Why?

Predictably, things went bad again, and yet you still want to stay in this relationship?

Why?

Are you subconsciously trying to prevent yourself from being happy? 

[Lamron300]

6 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Why?

The relationship has been toxic for a while. You actually broke up already, and even that seemed long overdue.

And now you’re saying that you reconciled?

Why?

Predictably, things went bad again, and yet you still want to stay in this relationship?

Why?

Are you subconsciously trying to prevent yourself from being happy? 

I think because in the past, I have waited for relationships to get so toxic to move on. I felt in this relationship we got along most of the time, but it isn’t true. She keeps accusing me of not wanting to ‘commit’. I say how is wanting to get married in the future not committing?! To her committing is saying she can move into my house and having kids now, as she is 40. I don’t want that. I want to be in the relationship because we want to. She even said I stifled her life.. before I met her she was ‘single’ for 5 years, had live in this local area now for ten years. Now she met me at 39, I’m too blame for everything even though she could have kids earlier etc if she wanted to. 
 

I had a big court case vs a bank and she said ‘coming with me would be a big deal’ yet having kids together isn’t. 
 

Even with her contradictions my brain keeps feeling to reconcile again, but this time I think it’s over and maybe I’ll feel they was the right outcome in the future, but right now my head is spinning. 

[introverted1]

Do.not.have.a.baby.with.this.woman!

I've read your other thread. 

Count your lucky stars that she was not truly pregnant.  A baby will tie you to her for the next 18 years (and beyond) and I guarantee you will wake up to the reality of her instability/unsuitableness long before that.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

So, nothing new here really. Same dysfunctional mess as before. 

On 4/15/2026 at 10:22 AM, Lamron300 said:

we were in a middle of an argument and she revealed she was pregnant.

Did you see a positive pregnancy test or confirmation from her doctor? 

[Sanch62]

Title says 

Quote

Not sure how to go forward with dating.

Do you mean go forward with this woman, or dating new women?

[Lamron300]

On 4/16/2026 at 12:20 PM, introverted1 said:

Do.not.have.a.baby.with.this.woman!

I've read your other thread. 

Count your lucky stars that she was not truly pregnant.  A baby will tie you to her for the next 18 years (and beyond) and I guarantee you will wake up to the reality of her instability/unsuitableness long before that.

 

This whole relationship has caused me a lot of distress as it has really warped my mind. She seemed so normal for 5/6 months and when we started to talk about kids, everything changed. She knows I own my own house and I run my own business and I’m not looking to relocate (far anyway) in the near future. I made it clear that I believe in marriage before kids as I want to make sure me and my partner are content. I don’t want to be a ‘baby daddy’. The bitterness and resentment on my part come from two areas: 1) she has been married before,  yet insists to me having kids with me actually shows she is more devoted as we are combined forever. 2) Now the relationship is over I’ve seen how she pressured me. She would constantly say ‘ I’m broody’ and when we had just reconciled ask me if I wanted to try for kids that month. Knowing that if I say no, it will be a fight and if I said yes then I wouldn’t have meant it. 
 

When she got pregnant, it was an accident, I didn’t know she was ovulating and we thought she had just had a period. The pregnancy stick had  lines for a week and then turned negative after. As soon as the pregnancy wasn’t viable, she turned against me. Saying I didn’t react well etc. all I asked was maths, I have never been in that situation. I didn’t know what to do for the last few months, on one hand I felt bad as I know she wanted this and the relationship had had good times, but on the other hand I do not agree with what she wants. She wanted to have kids and live with me in my house and would say ‘ I want to see how you interact with your friends and family and what it’s like living with you first’ but she wanted kids ASAP as its benefits her as she is almost 41. 

Im finding it hard to move on mentally. It kind of ruined the experience of being ‘pregnant’ with someone. 

[Lamron300]

On 4/16/2026 at 2:11 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

So, nothing new here really. Same dysfunctional mess as before. 

Did you see a positive pregnancy test or confirmation from her doctor? 

That’s what is hurting me a lot and stopping me from moving on. When we first started dating it was a breath of fresh air. We live 15 minutes away from each other. I’ve never lived that close to someone I’ve been dating. It helped tremendously as we could spend a lot of time together. Then all of a sudden, she would say weird things like ‘ I have my own flat so I don’t want to then come to yours and be cooking or putting the sofa cover back on’. This really impacted me as I never asked her to do all those things and I didn’t say all the many many things I did for her. My ex partner wanted to be on my mortgage even though she never gave me a penny and wanted to live off me, so my current ex knew it was a big trigger point. Last few months she would bring up living together constantly, for what reason I do not know. I explained to her I’d rather buy somewhere together even if it’s 90% me and 10% her, so it’s ours. I don’t want to be in a position again where someone is living in my house and we fall out and then they have to leave. My family (rightfully) also would object to it as I’ve been used financially many times. I’m not desperate to get married but the things she wanted asap (kids and living together) for me are in the remit of marriage. When I would bring up marriage, she would have a million excuses or conditions. She is 8/9 years older than me and has been married before, so I felt bitter as she wants what she’s never had (kids) and what she has had before (marriage) didn’t care about. I would be against her in my head, then she would do really nice things that made me think of the original her and I would relent. 
 

I saw the pregnancy tests and we did a lot with me present. The lines were positive, however, became very faint afterwards. 

[Lamron300]

On 4/16/2026 at 5:52 PM, Sanch62 said:

Title says 

Do you mean go forward with this woman, or dating new women?

In dating in general. My head is spinning. The last 2 times I’ve been properly depressed have been because of this relationship. We spent 11 months together and I’m now confused as ever. 
 

It feels like I keep making the same mistake, although it isn’t my fault. People wanting ridiculous things from me. My previous ex wanted to be on my mortgage for no reason and my current ex wanted kids and to live with me in my house but not to get married. I tried to look at it from her point of view, to reason and I can’t see it. She wanted to meet my family and friends and see how I ‘interact’ with them and live with me to see what it is like (conditions). But she wanted kids with me ASAP. In December she even suggested let’s try till May and if it doesn’t happen get testing (I’m assuming IVF). A very emotional and expensive process I would not want to do with someone I’m not married to/committed with. Then I sort of got angry with her because I’m like I want to get married one day but it’s not doing me a favour. I want to come to a mutually agreed conclusion with someone that is what is right to do. I only even mentioned it because of the seriousness of the other things we were talking about (kids, living together etc). She said coming to court with me for my lawsuit against a bank would be a big deal as it’s something you would always remember, yet having kids and moving in with me isn’t ??!? Full of contradictions. 
 

Now I feel distant and defensive. I feel like people always try and use me. I’ve worked hard to be stable (financially/emotionally), however, it’s always getting tested. I spent so much time with her and she wasn’t even there for me when the chips were down. She just wanted a kid and to pressure me. 

[ExpatInItaly]

You're going around and around and around in circles, repeating all the same things you have said multiple times in your previous thread. 

I don't know what we can tell you that we haven't already told you several times, honestly. 

 

Edited 4 hours ago by ExpatInItaly