nwc Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 Im new here and have been reading some stuff on here for a few days. My girlfriend of 8 mos recently very quickly ended our relationship.Our relationship was going very well, we both seemed to be on the same page with all. We spent alot of time together depite both of our busy schedules with our careers and with both of us having children.I can honestly say that It seemed to get stronger everyday, and I wont go into the details of it but there was no signs of anything being any different, for this was someone who 2 days before it ended was asking if i was going to move in with her this summer.We both have children and spent alot of time as a big family, and we spent allot of our non kid weeks with each other....she basically just called me night and told me that she wasnt sure about us, that she hadnt noticed how unhappy she was, and that she thinks that she had been convincing herself of being happy for the last couple months. Of course i was very shocked and i did ask her if this had anything to do with anyone else, her reply to that was of course not , if that was the case it would be much easier because then you would just hate me....that comment struck me then as strange, but the little contact weve had she has made a point of trying to make me hate her, which i dont....but has anyone been through something like this....is this her way of dealing with it, or better yet not dealing with it.... any help or opinions would be great.......thanks
sara123 Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I think she is doing one of two things... 1. she did meet somebody else and doesn't want to tell you because she doesn't want you to hate her in case it doesn't work out with this other guy or 2. maybe your reply to are you going to move in in the summer scared her. You never said whether you said yes or no but either way it could scare her. If you said yes maybe she got scared that things were moving to fast and didn't know what else to do so she broke up with you if you said no maybe she felt that you didn't feel the same way as her and that she should get out before she gets hurt anymore, maybe she felt like you were just thinking she is fun for now but not in the long run. She probably knows that she hurt you by breaking up with you and in her opinion instead of you still being nice and wanting her back it will be easier if you hate her because then she will not have the temptation to go back to you when she may not be ready to or even want to...all in all she is obviously confused about something. good luck
Author nwc Posted January 19, 2006 Author Posted January 19, 2006 thank you for your reply....we have talked about moving in for a while, so it wasnt something new that was just brouight up....we both agreed that we werent going to rush right into it and wait till summer, she had just brought it up again.....the part that really confuses me is her telling me she didnt realize that she had been so unhappy......how is that?
ICE_MOUNTAIN Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 i guess she has someone else... but she doesnt want to hurt you . she felt guilty and she think the best way to redeem it is just to let you go .by doing so, she wont see your face and she can start fully with the new guy. although deep inside she fees bad abt it. this is my guess... however, you know her better than me.
BDR Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 My exgirlfriend walked in on Christmas eve and ended it. Things had been going well after several months. I swore it came out of nowhere. But when I look back on it, there were some small signs. However, it was still very surprising to me and I was extremely hurt. Likewise, she told me that she was very unhappy. Additionally, she told me that she didn't want to be friends and to cut off all contact with her. Well, like all relationships it was a learning experience. I learned some very valuable things. I was once told by a very wise man who had been married for many years. He said that no matter how well you think you know your mate, you never know them completely. You have to live with that knowledge. You never really know what is going on in someone's life and sometimes it is best if you don't know. However, people react to each life situation differently. In the process they have to make decisions that are best for them because it is their life. Thus, it isn't long before you hear those six magic words "I never meant to hurt you." I found this is actually true. They don't. But they still do. You don't know what is going on in her life. Why she made the decision. And if you did know, would that make life any better? Probably not? She made her choice and the only thing left to do is to accept it and move on. Don't hate her partner. It is a waste of energy. She had to do what was best for her. Now you do what is best for you. Move on. Be with your kids. More importantly, do some things for you. Do some things to make you happy and put her out of your mind. Trust me the no contact thing is the best thing for you. Take it from me. Honor that and just began the process of letting go. I also learned that in the future, I have to start looking out for me first and protecting my interest first and foremost. Relationships are crazy and so unpredictable. However, when I looked back on it, whenever I put myself first, i always seemed to do better moving on. I can't be so trusting. The vetting process for women has to be a lot longer. I don't know if this is applicable to you, but I just thought I would pass it along.
Author nwc Posted January 20, 2006 Author Posted January 20, 2006 well im done trying to anylize and figure it all out, im comfortable with the fact that i did everything possibly to show her just how important this reraltionship was to me while we were together and shortly after it ended. Tommorow will be day 14 of nc and i guess only time will tell
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