unable_to_sleep Posted January 18, 2006 Posted January 18, 2006 I've been in a bad marriage for 12 years,but about 2years ago I got myself into an affair with my H "hunting buddy" it lasted a little over 1.5 years.Nobody knew I was really good friends with the wife so if "they" were having problems she would send to my house..One time even asked me if he could stay over because she needed "alone time" ( she was also cheating)anyhow I left my husband .I spent all my free time with MM. My H followed us one day and almost saw us being more than friends.He blew up...Went to my MM house and made a big sceen.. so then my MM wife is unsure..MM and me decide to play it cool.My husband begged for me to move out of state with him to give our marriage one more shot.We moved, and I now know he can not change to the point that I need him to.He becomes violent yelling, throwing things, beating up the dog and so on...He promised to change, but I don't think it's possible without medication or counseling and he WON'T do that!!Anyhow I've been back with H for 5 mon. I've only spoke to MM once on the phone (he called me)said he wanted to come see me said he'd call again,but he hasn't... My problem is I miss him so much, I still love him.I don't know what to do about it. My question is do any of you think MM really had feelings for me like he said-or do you think it was just "Fun" for him? Should I contact him once my Divorce is done or should I leave it alone unless he calls? I just know I'm unwilling to be OW again. HELP!!!
LiLi Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 My question is do any of you think MM really had feelings for me like he said-or do you think it was just "Fun" for him? """"Your quote.""""" How can anyone really respond to this if they weren't there - only you can answer this question, on how he made you feel and the way he acted.
AZKHO Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I have never been married, but my advice to you is to go ahead and contact him, what can it hurt. The wound is already opened if you are thinking about him and at least that way if he reacts badly to you contacting him, you can use that as closure on the situation. Many people would say, don't call him or why would you put yourself through that. For me, stubborned, sometimes hardheaded, i have to really things sink into my heart, to hurt me enough not to want to do them again. This is one of those things. it is up to you, only you know the true extent of the situation and your feelings for him. Good luck
Sami_D Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 I've only spoke to MM once on the phone (he called me)said he wanted to come see me said he'd call again,but he hasn't... My problem is I miss him so much, I still love him.I don't know what to do about it. My question is do any of you think MM really had feelings for me like he said-or do you think it was just "Fun" for him? Should I contact him once my Divorce is done or should I leave it alone unless he calls? I just know I'm unwilling to be OW again. HELP!!! Hello. First of all, are you doing through with your D? Is your H quite clear about that? Your H is violent, and abusive, and you definitely need to leave, and safely. And make sure your H knows nothing about any possibilities with another man. Now, onto this other man. As LiLi said, we can't have any idea of his feelings for you, or his intentions. Only you are in a position to know that, and the only real way you can find out his intentions is to call him. You say you love him, but you're in a (relatively) fortunate position in that the A isn't current. I think as part of your new life, post-H, you really should approach a R intending to make it a good one that does you no harm. IF you were seeing MM for 1.5 years in the past... is it likely that he would want to leave his M now to have a real future with you..? Walking away from this love you have now would be hard, but compared to more years of being the OW, which will be more painful? I would strongly advise a fresh start, from your H, and from MM. But if you feel you need to make that call, have clear objectives about what you want from life and a future R. And don't get suckered in to seeing him 'to see how it goes'. Best of luck.
HotCaliGirl Posted January 19, 2006 Posted January 19, 2006 Like the others have said, nobody but him knows the answer to your question, HOWEVER I would add that if you have to ask that question in the first place, chances are you know the real answer in your gut and it might not be what you want it to be considering you have to ask and question whether he really meant it when he said that he loves you. Obviously he's not backing it up by making you feel loved through his actions, which say more than words. If you call him, chances are he'll take you back as the OW considering there's nothing about you he hates. I think you are willing to settle for being in an unloving relationship as just the OW because in reality, it still beats being in your current abusive relationship. It will be hard for you to meet someone else who will be yours 100% if you are going to continue investing all of YOUR feelings into the MM, even if in your heart you know he will never leave his wife for you. You may grow to resent him for it. I would suggest you start out fresh, place an ad if you have to or go out meet some new men and take the risks associated with getting into a new relationship, even though you miss your MM. Would he want to be the OM if you were to get into another relationship and he left his wife? or would he just go out and meet another woman he knew would be all his.
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