Sudden and unexpected breakup

[LauraXX]

(Very) long-time member, but I haven’t posted for a while. After being single and on the apps for 15 years (interrupted by several chaotic situationships that were the reason I ended up on this forum), I finally met someone last year in May. We made it official in June and have been together for almost a year now. There was a relationship hiccup in October, when I had doubts. The reason was that my life is quite busy and he had the feeling I wasn’t making enough time for him. That in return led to me feeling a bit claustrophobic, so I asked him for a break to think things over. After a few weeks we decided to give it another try and since then I’ve really been trying to incorporate him into my life and to show him, that he means a lot to me. Over Easter we went on our first week-long trip together and it was lovely. We talked about the future, decided to go on holiday again together in late summer so I could meet his family. After many years, I finally felt happy, safe and secure in a relationship with a man.

Then yesterday evening we had planned to meet. I told him I’d come to his place after work but he suggested meeting at a café instead (first sign something was off). We had a glass of wine and he seemed distant the whole time. Afterwards, while we were walking to his place, he suddenly said: “I have to ask you something.” For a millisecond I thought he was going to suggest moving in together. But he said: “Do you sometimes feel like this feels more like a platonic friendship? Because I do.” That was a complete shock. I told him that to me it 100% never felt that way. And I asked him if he wanted to break up. He was hesitant. I said: “I can deal with relationship ups and downs and we can work on anything. But I need to know that you still want to make this work. I wouldn’t want to be with somebody who’d rather not be with me.” He said “Do I have to answer that right now?” I said “Yes, preferably – as you’re leaving for a business trip tomorrow and I’d rather have clarity before. And then he just said: “I’m sorry.” Turned around and left.

 I haven’t slept all night and feel completely devastated. Now I’m at work, trying to get through the day. I had a big party planned for the weekend and I invited 40 people. They’re all going to ask where he is. Right now I can’t see myself going through with that. I miss him. I want him back. I can’t even fathom having to go back on the apps at almost 50. I’m sick of dating and I just want to finally find my person. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sad. Sorry, I know this is not really a question. I just needed to write this down somewhere ☹

[Carlston]

3 hours ago, LauraXX said:

. I can’t even fathom having to go back on the apps at almost 50

My dad was married 3x and did the online dating thing until his early 80s at which point he finally gave up but hey he tried.

My sister is 64 and she's back at again after yet another relationship failure. Her odds are slim but that's because of the type of person she is inside and how she looks on the outside.

My point being 50 is young compared to what other people go thru. You can do this, and it's better to be single then to be with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.