Been talking to a girl who liked to be bullied

[carrotchips]

I've been talking to this girl for months, we've spent a lot of time watching movies and playing video games together.

I started to really like her, and I let her know almost exactly a month ago. It wasn't reciprocated, but she asked me to not change the way I treated her, so I kept my word.

The more I got to know her this past month, the more I liked her, and last night the topic came up again.

Basically, she rejected me because I don't bully her. She likes to be bullied, to the point that it turns her on, and it's non-negotiable for her in a relationship.

I told her I could try it. She said it wouldn't work if I don't actually do it. Any advice?

[Gebidozo]

There are people who are sexually aroused by rough treatment, and it’s completely normal.

However, this applies to actual sexual scenarios. I’ve never heard of people who like to be “bullied” during the courtship phase.

I might be mistaken, but I think that, even if she is really into BDSM as a sub, she used that as an excuse to reject you.

The real reason is probably much simpler - she isn’t attracted to you.

[Lotsgoingon]

Don't even think about it. Don't.

Move on to next woman. You do NOT want a woman who needs you to bully her. You take her words seriously and you'll end up feeling insecure about not being a bully. You just ran into bad luck. And she's trying to mess with your head. 

Move on. And don't even think about well maybe, I should be more bullying. No! That way lies insanity. 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, carrotchips said:

She likes to be bullied, to the point that it turns her on, and it's non-negotiable for her in a relationship.

Does this sound like something a well-adjusted, emotionally healthy and stable person would say? 

 

[IrishDU]

I once tried to date a woman who claimed to like pain as part of the experience.  She wanted to be slapped across her thighs and butt, and bitten during intercourse.  Afterward should told me that I hadn't done it hard enough.

it sounded like something that would be kinky and freaky, but was actually just upsetting.  
I was worried that it was some kind of trauma from previous abuse.  We made love twice.  For the 2nd time she told me that unless she was literally crying in pain that I wasn't doing it right.  
I actually felt physically and emotionally ill.  My biggest fear was that I might actually start to enjoy it.

Don't do it.

[Sanch62]

I can only speak for myself, and I'd feel lousy and degraded if I tried to become someone I am not just to please someone else.

[Anonymous]

1 hour ago, Sanch62 said:

I can only speak for myself, and I'd feel lousy and degraded if I tried to become someone I am not just to please someone else.

For me, its not just becoming SOMEONE, it's about becoming something despicable.

I once had a gf who enjoyed pissing on me after she orgasmed.  I put up with it, but even if I'd come to "enjoy" it, that wouldn't bother me.  
But I wouldn't want to become somebody who enjoyed inflicting pain on a lover

[Tia_minds]

She kind of answered your question herself when she said it wouldn't work if you don't actually do it. That's her telling you she already knows. You can't perform something you don't feel, and honestly trying to would just be exhausting for both of you.

I've been in situations where I tried to be what someone needed me to be and it never goes well. You end up feeling like a bad actor in your own life. Some things are just a mismatch, and that's not a flaw on either side. She knows what she wants, you're a genuinely kind person who treats people well, and those two things just aren't compatible here. That's okay, even when it hurts.