The other, other woman

[Anonymous]

I have spent a year with my married man. We work together. It is not my proudest moment to begin with, but I fell so hard for him. Our chemistry is amazing.

He has always told me he cannot give me 100% and he will never leave his wife for me. His wife is not aware of his affair. 

Things were going so well up until 6 months ago, when he started flirting subtly with our coworker. He denies any attraction to her, tells me he doesn’t see her as anything more than just a colleague. But things keep adding up and his actions are speaking louder than his words are. She’s leaving in a couple of months to a new country, and you’d think this would be a good thing, but I am almost certain he will try to contact her when she goes and they will end up with a relationship out of work. They aren’t in contact outside of work currently, but I only think that’s because she is trying to remain professional. She’s 10 years older than me and closer to his age. I can’t say for sure if she’s into him, but I think she is. She’s so friendly with him at work, and I can tell he loves the attention she gives him. I have caught him checking her out, signing off emails with “Xx”, she comes to him for advice and they are have a close work relationship.

We are constantly arguing about her, I thought I was the only woman for him aside from his wife. He made me feel special. As much as he denies it I just cannot trust him. He clearly has eyes for her. I am constantly comparing myself to her, is she better than me?? I don’t think I am, i’d like to say i’m an attractive girl. But he clearly has his desires.

If he can do it to his wife, why would I be any different? I have asked him this, but he never acknowledges it.

Above all this, he says he expects me to be loyal to just him, yet he’s the one with a wife, also showing an interest in this other girl. I only want him, but why should I put up with this any longer?

I need to protect myself from the inevitable hurt. I’ve cut him off and told him to give me space. It hurts, especially seeing him at work every day, but I don’t think I have any other option, I need to get over him. I cannot do this anymore.