Insight needed

[Yorkiboy]

Not sure if this is in the right section but here goes.. 

Ive been with my girlfriend for 3 years, were both in our 40s, the relationship itself has been very good. 

A little back story, she left her violent, controlling ex 4 years ago and moved 3 hours away, a year later we met, then the controlling ex followed, they have kids together too,  apart from keeping our relationship from him, everything was good, she got a job, new friends, which she was never allowed, we was flowing really, we didnt get to see each other as much as we liked due to living an hour apart and working constant, that being said, not a day went by that we werent on the phone, literally every day. 

A year ago we had our 1st holiday abroad together, memories that will last a life time really,  fast forward to a month ago, we had our 2nd holiday abroad, yet another awesome time. 

Over the next 3 weeks after getting back, we have spoke on the phone daily, until 8 days ago, she rang me as per usual on the morning, the conversation was normal, and as she was going she said she will phone later, love you. 

Then i heard nothing from her for 6 days, i sent 3 texts in this time, stating i was worried etc, 2 days ago she replied saying she was mentally exhausted with work, has no time for anything or anyone and just wants to shut down, cant focus on texting or phone calls and that its hard to explain,.. This happened a while back and lasted 3 days, i replied to her just asking if she still wanted to be with me, probs wrong thing to ask, and mentioned our 3rd holiday that id booked, which we was both excited about,  shes not read the message in 2 days either and i know shes been online as ive seen her listening music, shes not removed me off anything either.  Also, there was no signs she was losing interest or anything. 

I just need advice on what to do as this is killing me, so many thoughts goin through my head, ive not tried contacting her since either, this silence, for this long isnt like her... Do i wait and give her space, i just dont know. 

Thankyou for any advice

Edited Monday at 12:21 PM by Yorkiboy
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[howtomove]

I really feel for you to be honest and not wanting to hijack your post but im in a very simular situation and im guess your from york which i am too, sounds freaky that does. You have invested in someone who wasnt ready for that investment and basically in my view was a rebound.  As a couple you dont go days without talking she is torn between you and someone else. And she is struggling by sounds of it.

[Yorkiboy]

Maybe, surely i would have seen the signs, i mean, we was on the phone daily, morning and night, and when she wasnt at work she was at home, plus her ex cheated on her multiple times so she knows what its like to be on the recieving end.. 

As for a rebound, that could be a possibility, i was a year later and she told me she hadnt loved him for a long time due to his abuse and control. 

It could be many things tbh, im sick of thinking and hurting,  she was very effectionate on holiday btw, which was on 3 weeks prior to her doing this, and i booked another for us,  so ive no clue, im still on another planet at the minute, and ive still not heard from her

 

[Gebidozo]

Rebound relationships usually don’t last 3 years, so whatever it was in the beginning, I don’t think rebounding is the reason for what’s happening now.

Clearly, this is something new and serious. Maybe some tragic event occurred in her life very recently. Some people stop communicating with others when they are grieving.

If she keeps ignoring your texts and calls, I think you should go to her place and check on her.

Do you have any mutual friends? Are you in contact with her friends or family? Maybe they could explain?

[ExpatInItaly]

On 4/6/2026 at 2:18 PM, Yorkiboy said:

we have spoke on the phone daily, until 8 days ago, she rang me as per usual on the morning, the conversation was normal, and as she was going she said she will phone later, love you. 

Then i heard nothing from her for 6 days, i sent 3 texts in this time, stating i was worried etc, 2 days ago she replied

On 4/6/2026 at 2:18 PM, Yorkiboy said:

This happened a while back and lasted 3 days, i replied to her just asking if she still wanted to be with me, probs wrong thing to ask, and mentioned our 3rd holiday that id booked, which we was both excited about,  shes not read the message in 2 days either and i know shes been online

I don't really get the timeline here. 

Do you mean she is pulling the disappearing act again, that this is the second time she's done this? 

 

[Yorkiboy]

25 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I don't really get the timeline here. 

Do you mean she is pulling the disappearing act again, that this is the second time she's done this? 

 

Basically yes, both times out of the blue too, no signs of anything, i remember the 1st time, had my usuall phone call before she went to work, then nothing for 3 days,  she rang me after 3 days and basically said the same thing as her text this time, shes exhausted from everything etc, she did share a post during these 3 days thoigh that basically said shes not ignoring people, its how she is when she shuts down.. This time though is a lot longer and is worrying me, i logged on things yesterday and shes not removed me off anything so i dont know what to think

[Yorkiboy]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Rebound relationships usually don’t last 3 years, so whatever it was in the beginning, I don’t think rebounding is the reason for what’s happening now.

Clearly, this is something new and serious. Maybe some tragic event occurred in her life very recently. Some people stop communicating with others when they are grieving.

If she keeps ignoring your texts and calls, I think you should go to her place and check on her.

Do you have any mutual friends? Are you in contact with her friends or family? Maybe they could explain?

I honestly dont know,  all this is out of character for her,  shes a genuine caring person and i believe she would tell me its over, i did tell her to always be honest with me too,  and ive gave her a couple of opportunities to end it in my texts but nooe, she hasnt. 

I dont know any of her work friends ir family tbh,  i did speak to 1 if our mutual friends recently and she said shes not seen her about anywhere, group chats or anything, which is unlike her. 

I dont think anything serious has happend as ive seen her post a song in fb, which im probs over thinking here, the lyrics where sonething like will i still love her when shes a mess etc. 

I dont know what to think tbh, this is out of character for her, but at the same time i feel this silence is her way of ending things, and it hurts,  was only a few days prior we was laughing and joking about the next holiday id booked, hence nothing makes sense. 

The only thing that would have made sense is if there was someone else but with her busy life and how our relationship has been,  like hid from from her ex, and i live an hour away, theres no way she would be with someone local.

Regardless, i think this silence is her way of ending things and i havd to treat it as such, i hope not though

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Yorkiboy said:

she did share a post during these 3 days thoigh that basically said shes not ignoring people, its how she is when she shuts down.

People like this don't make for good partners in the long-term. 

You're seeing why. 

[Yorkiboy]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

People like this don't make for good partners in the long-term. 

You're seeing why. 

Maybe, id not mind these episodes if she didnt push me away so i dont know anything, i mean, i dont even know if this is the truth, im feeling like im being ghosted, not that i believe she would do that, my mind is just too tired now