3 strikes and you're out (or not?)

[Gebidozo]

47 minutes ago, bitter and sad said:

Must be great to sit up high on that throne and throw your declarations of truth down on us rabble.

I’m not sitting on any throne, I’m trying to help you. If you want to solve the problem, the first step is to stop being so bitterly defensive and acknowledge the fact that you’re twisting the narrative in an attempt to minimize the serious impact of the events that are gradually being unraveled.

There is no shame in admitting that. Most of us are guilty of that. I also came to this forum with a story that got quickly exposed for inconsistency. I wasn’t lying, I was just convincing myself that was the truth.

[Imogen_77]

On 3/31/2026 at 3:59 PM, bitter and sad said:

She once told me:  "as long as the two of us are walking the face of this earth, we may be together."  

So, back to your original post, and the above statement: Is that something you’re holding on to? It sure seems that way. 
If she really lives in your town, then how likely do you think it is that you or your wife might run into her somewhere? 
I mean it sure sounds like this may not be over (on your part), and you can either be proactive about it and find out more about her circumstances and current whereabouts (like you said, there’s the internet), or you do nothing and let the chips fall where they may. I really don’t have any other ideas at the moment. You do seem like you really really want to know. 
And while I don’t recommend keeping secrets from your spouse (and people you’re close to in general, because imo it causes too much stress and emotional imbalance), I do assume that this nagging feeling won’t go away all by itself, especially now that you know that your former AP might live close. She might not, though, tbh. Could be somebody different with a similar name. Could be an investment property. Could be property that they bought to rent out. I’m sure you know the address, and I’m wondering if you have done a “drive-by” ….. So yeah, my point is that you’ll never be satisfied until you know. But your former AP, OTOH, may be completely disinterested ….. because why else wouldn’t she have dropped a hint by now? This, or it’s not her. There’s only one way to find out.
What that means for the quality of your marriage is another question only you can answer. Because again: secrets. 

[bitter and sad]

Geb - thanks.  There is no impact at the moment (and likely will not be), and I don't need to "admit" to any untuths or inconsistencies.  I have tried to tell my story - again, 2 different stories - as well as I can.  Obviously any post only includes what's most important or relevant initially.  If I wrote absolutely everything at once, it'd be 100 pages or more.  Like I said, there is no advantage in minimizing or lying about anything.  You say I have - that's fine.  Again, thanks for your help.

77 - I only mentioned that statement of hers to try to describe her feelings, and the permanence of them.  I understood what she was saying when she said that, but I didn't necessarily agree.  I saw our window of opportunity as being finite.  Each episode, I was pushing for us to be together.  She had her reasons, ultimately, for why it wasn't the right time.  The 3rd time was the right time (and I'd say the 1st), but she broke down and gave up.

There is no question it is her "in town."  It'd be quite odd to run into her/them - I say town, but we live in a very big East Coast city.  I have not driven by.  Though I don't doubt for a second that she has driven by my house.  I didn't know this at the time, but when we lived in the same town/city for the first 3 years of this saga, she later told me she drove by all the time, and sometimes just parked outside my house.  Wow, I was shocked because we lived at the end of a 10-house cul-de-sac - everybody knew everybody.

I don't have any immediate plans to do anything.  I just learned of this about a month ago.