My situation

[Tagalz]

Hey, 

For your information: This is a long read. I'm not writing this here to ask for any advice as I've talked to both my friends and family and has gotten support from them. If you do want to give me advice or help me get new perspective by all means do that! 

I don't know where to start as there is alot to cover here. Well let's start with my current situation that I have with Victoria (31F) We met on a dating app called "Hinge" here in Norway in January.

We've been dating for about 3 months now and agreed to date exclusively after we had our third date. Victoria (31F) Wanted to date me exclusively because she likes me and the other dates she has been on before me did not went well. My impression of her as an person is that she's a really good person with good intentions that are currently experiencing traumas that she is getting help from her psychiatrist. She's very honest person as well.

It was not until the 2 months that we had a deep conversation about US. Reason being is that she could tell that I had develop feelings faster than her and she has withdrawn. Actually it was almost right after valentines day we had the conversation. Victoria said she could not develop any feeling for me after we had been dating for 2 months and she did not want to lead me on anymore. She was crying the whole time but I could calm here down. Lots of things were said such as she saying that she is scared to develop feelings (Will get back it) and that she wants to spare me. I had no idea what she meant by that but I got it cleared up as she meant she wanted to still date me exclusively, but she wants to keep me in her life as she said she's afraid to lose me.

From that conversation as I've interpret it: Atleast she's honest and upfront with me on it which I do appreciate. It could be worse if she told me that after 6 months in. Her asking if she can "Spare me" just means if we are reading between the lines, that she is thinking she could find someone better than me but that is not guaranteed.... but I will touch upon my future predictions. She is not directly saying she does not want to cut me off + she still wants to date me exclusively but are not sure if she can give me what I need which is a relationship. If I were to be honest I'm not looking for relationship. I don't have any job, I'm not mentally stable and my economy is really bad. It is very important for me to mention that we are dating exclusively and she is not looking to date other men. 

Now, the reason why she is not ready for relationship is that she is scared to open up. There is lots of history behind that too but I will keep it short. Victoria (31F) has been married for around 7 years to her husband which cheated on her in the end because Victoria did not want to have kids with him. They divorced September 2024 which is relatively recent and people need time to heal. In her case she has had the whole 2025 to heal but I will not judge her. Some people heal faster and some takes more time. I can image how difficult it has been for her as 7 years is just gone like that and when you are in you're 20's that's the best years for humans. Victoria's EX husband were burnt out from work and she has been there to support him all the way which was a success as he could work again but that did not last long. Victoria said to him that she does not want kids with a unstable man because having kids means more responsibility. She was open to have it with him after helping him back on he's feet. Her EX Husband interpreted it the wrong way and even telling he's friends and family that Victoria was 100% sure she did not want kids. EX Husband's family is close friends to Victoria's family and EX Husband has been saying lots of negative things to Victoria behind her back even after they divorced. In short: EX husband cheated because her wife did not want kids. They were in a toxic relationship at the end. That is the reason why Victoria is so scared and closed off. While me and her were dating, her EX husband sent a text message trying to get back together. All this information is something I did not ask for and she just naturally shares deep information like this is making me believe she's comfortable around me. 

The reason I developed feelings faster than her is that me and Victoria is getting along very well. Conversations flows and we have many things in common. This "feeling" I have with her - I have not felt that since I met my ex GF in 2018 which means I have not felt that about a decade ago. I'm not comparing My ex to Victoria, it's the feeling of meeting "the potentially the one" As an adult and I'm sure you readers know. You meet lots of different people with different personalities, you know instantly when you just "Click" with someone after talking to them for some minutes. To be frank, even If I did not develop feelings for her I do think the outcome would be the same - that she would eventually be honest and say to whoever it is she's not ready. Meaning it doesn't matter if it was me, she would say that if it was the other person rather than me. 

After the conversation: I knew from the start that I gave 100% because I'm a person that If I love someone I would give it my all. The conversation for me was an important point for me to detach and not invest to much as she is not investing in me. My feelings stopped after the conversation and I view her as just friends. It was a bit heavy at the beginning but now I feel much better of myself because I kept doing what I usually love to do in my freetime. Spending time with friends, family, gaming, sports, reading watching movies and now I don't think much of her and I don't care if she is not invested in me. For me it's like whatever happends it happends. I would say I do have to be prepare that she could end things at any point but that will not hurt me. If she do wants to meet me, then she knows where to reach out to me. I've told her that she must reach out if she wants to meet. Meanwhile I keep doing what I did when single and having my doors open and go on other dates.

I actually think that since I'm not invested in her as much, I'm giving her space to grow and to heal. We have not seen each other for 2-3 weeks and she has explained to me that she has been having migraine, fever, family problem and seeing psychiatrist for her past traumas. She will let me know this weekend if she wants to meet. She told me she's not dating anyone and all she has energy for is to go to work and then straight home to relax. I remember I was on a mini vacation and I was inactive on snap for 3 days. Did not even send her snap and after the vacation she sent me text saying she misses me and that she would like to meet me. Taking this to consideration not only will she miss me but she will also heal by doing what she do know by only using her energy to work. I remember when I had a hard time coming over my EX. I just stayed focused on 1 thing at the time and that was work for me. 

Many would question me: Why am I wasting time with her? Why should I wait for her? 

I'm very aware that she is a damaged person because of her EX Husband. I'm like a lab rabbit to her or other ways to say is that I came into her life in a wrong time. If me and her met in 2028/2029 I'm sure she would be healed and we would be in a relationship. It's a matter of wrong timing. I came into her life when she is in a "Healing phase" and that does not mean she does not want relationship with me in the future, who knows? Future is uncertain. 

I'm not the type of person to cut people off like that. I have never been married but I could imagine what she is going through. When I'm with her I having alot of fun and in my opinion it's not waste of time if you're having fun with someone and she is mutual with me here. I know I know it's weird that I choose to go another way when everyone around me is saying to let her go. I'm having her in my life right now because she's someone I can have fun with. I don't think much of the future. 

Yes we humans can sort of anticipate or have a general idea of what will happend. Victoria (31F) has sort of thought about it as well when she's asking to spare me. I'm not even her first option. I just came in to her life in her "Healing Phase". I don't know if she would want a relationship with me after she's fully healed. It might be? Because I've been with her through her worst period and she may appreciate that? If she chooses to start fresh and date other men, then so be it but it's not 100% sure she would meet someone who has treated her as good as me. She even said that I'm treating her good and that I'm very good with women. It's like "You don't know what you have until it's gone".  She may or may not come back but my situation might be different too. Let's say she do come back and I'm single, then yeah I can consider taking her back but then we have to agree that she would give me 100% and commit. If she were to say "No" or "I'm not sure" then I would not take her back. It could also be that she never comes back and she found someone better - then so be it. This chapter would be just a experience for me. All of this is just what if's but I think it's interesting to talk around it.

Also I think body count matters alot. I know what her body count is but would rather keep it private. For me it has to be balanced but body count does not matter to me if I really like the person. Then I can ignore it because at the end of the day she's with me (Talking in general). Some people are different and for some it might be a dealbreaker. I'm 100% sure if she were to move on from me and date other men, then her body count would go up more. Also I'm sure that when she's dating other men after me and it goes well the "body count" conversation would occur and it all depends on how she chooses to say it. She's an honest person and letting the next guy know that me and Victoria has had sex lots of time can throw some people off but then again I have no idea if she would say it and as I've written earlier some men can overlook this if they like her. 

When it comes to snap, I do have to stop checking her snapscore because it's just makes my mind spiral and it does not help me. She has a suprising snapscore of 19,000 while I have 154,063. Her usage of snap is not alot. She is not very active there in general as I've noticed. When we are together she rarely uses her phone and she has group chat with her family and work. When I send her snaps she takes days to answer, I'm talking 3/4 days and If I'm lucky she will answer within the same day or day after. She is just not prioritizing me. I do kind of feel a little bit ghosted there to be honest and I have expressed that to her. Do I wish that she could be more active? Yes! From when we started dating she was very active and answered be very quick, so to go from her being consisted to being inconsistent is not good. She's very hot and cold. Like when we are together everything is fine, but it's once we part ways that's making me a bit stressed and uncertain but that it mainly because I don't know where I stand with her. I also cannot make her snap me more it's like then I'm controlling her. She seems to reply to me whenever it is convenient for her but it is usually more interactions on the weekends friday-sundays. Anyways I think it's best for me to leave it there and not bring it up. I actually think that I snap her less, then she would have more time to heal because then I'm not always popping up on her phone as I'm 100% sure she sees my name in notifications.

That would be all from me. 

Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope you enjoyed it! 

Kind regards, Tagalz

 

[Sony12]

It's pretty clear that English isn't your first language so not sure if you are writing things exactly as intended but there is a bit of discrepancy in what you say in that you said that she couldn't develop any feelings for you yet she at the same time wants to date you exclusively.

[Tagalz]

24 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

It's pretty clear that English isn't your first language so not sure if you are writing things exactly as intended but there is a bit of discrepancy in what you say in that you said that she couldn't develop any feelings for you yet she at the same time wants to date you exclusively.

I can see you've picked that up. Yes Norwegian is my first language, but English would come after. Not writing as intended. I just go with the flow. Trying my best though! Correct, she does not have feelings for me because of her past traumas with men and ex husband. Yes! she still wants to date me exclusively even if she does not have feelings 

Edited 7 hours ago by Tagalz

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, Tagalz said:

I can see you've picked that up. Yes Norwegian is my first language, but English would come after. Not writing as intended. I just go with the flow. Trying my best though! Correct, she does not have feelings for me because of her past traumas with men and ex husband. Yes! she still wants to date me exclusively even if she does not have feelings 

Which is basically just friendship. Are you two being intimate in anyway?

[Tagalz]

9 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Which is basically just friendship. Are you two being intimate in anyway?

Yes, we've had lots of sex 

[Sony12]

Ok then if you are ok with an FWB situation then go ahead and do what you are doing. If you are looking for more then that and aren't satisfied with 'just sex' then you might want to end things with her and look for someone else.

[Tagalz]

9 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Ok then if you are ok with an FWB situation then go ahead and do what you are doing. If you are looking for more then that and aren't satisfied with 'just sex' then you might want to end things with her and look for someone else.

Yeah I'm OK with that. It's not only sex, we do talk about everything. We cook together, watch movies etc.. I would say we are FWB but a little more than that

Edited 5 hours ago by Tagalz