My 17 year old son’s first breakup problems

[Gebidozo]

So my 17 year old son had his first heartbreak a couple of months ago.

His then-girlfriend (also 17) told him she didn’t have romantic feelings for him, though she “loved him as a person”. They broke up. They’d been together for a few months before that. 

Now she is sending him all sorts of cute messages. When he asked her to stop, because it made it harder for him to get over the breakup, she said she actually didn’t quite mean it when she’d told him she had no romantic feelings for him. She said she’d just been “overwhelmed” and was actually happy in the relationship.

He is confused.

And I’m confused. I’m 50 years old and I have never once seen anyone successfully restarting a relationship after one of the partners had confessed lack of romantic feelings. You just don’t come back from something like that. And I’ve never seen people lie about that.

But if that is the case, why is she changing her story now?

[ShyViolet]

She's immature, she's a child, she has no relationship experience, she enjoys the attention from him and maybe she has no other dating prospects at the moment so she went back to him.  But the truth is she must not have been that into him, to break up with him like that.  I wouldn't trust her.  Ultimately you can't really do anything about this, your son has to gain relationship experience the same way all of us do, by going through messy relationship situations and making his own mistakes.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

But if that is the case, why is she changing her story now?

She's a teenager. She isn't going to behave the way most adults with wisdom, experience and insight would - trying to frame her current behaviour through the lens of someone decades older, well, it's a bit futile. 

Surely you already aware that many teens are impulsive and often lack the maturity to see around corners, judge how their choices will affect others, or reflect before they act. They tend to bounce in and out of relationships like they're changing their shoes, and yes, there are often casualities in the form of broken hearts along the way. It sucks but I wouldn't over-think the relationship dynamic here. Your son will simply need to keep drawing a boundary with her, and she will get bored of trying to get his attention. 

(Souce: A mid-40s woman who was once an immautre and silly 17-year-old girl who didn't think before she acted)

[Sony12]

They are 17 years old. Their romantic interests will fluctuate week to week or even day by day. It's just something they have to go through. 

[introverted1]

Nothing to add, just here to say I'm sorry this is happening.  As a parent, one of the hardest things is watching your child hurt and knowing you are powerless to do anything about it. 

[Sanch62]

Sounds like she ditched him for an interest in someone else, and that didn't work out. Now she's bored and lonely and wants to use your son for entertainment until her next crush on someone else. Pretty typical of 17-year-olds.