Update after 12 months

[WorkingOnMyself2]

I posted on this forum just over a year ago when I was in an incredibly difficult period of my life. I wanted to update a year on in the hopes it may help someone out there. 

I still think about the AP from time to time, but with absolutely no desire to have him in my life ever again. The person he really is becomes clearer regularly, as the rose tinted glasses have been removed. 

I have been working hard on myself. I excelled in my Masters degree, am still volunteering in mental health crisis for young people and I am hoping to start work as an intervention facilitator for those that are abusive in their relationships. I've worked hard in therapy and have seen how significantly my abusive childhood has impacted my self image. I know that I seek validation from men in a way of proving to the little girl that she didn't deserve the abuse. I now have techniques to calm her and remind her that she is perfect just as she is, and she never deserved what happened to her. I've stepped away from the toxic friendship group, focused on the people in my life who make life a little bit better by their side. I am setting boundaries in romantic relationships, with no current desire to be involved with anyone unless they truly add something to my life and are committed to a solid, safe and dependable relationship. 

I know the roller coaster of highs and lows in an affair can be incredibly addictive. But there is something incredibly addictive about my new stable existence, I smile everyday because life is comfortable and I do not require external validation to feel I worthy. 

To everyone still fighting through, chose yourself and walk away. It hurts a lot at first, but I promise you'll eventually be proud of the person you've become and may open yourself up to a life and love you never expected.

Edited Monday at 03:48 PM by WorkingOnMyself2
Incorrect title