Should I keep going, or is it time to walk away?

[Gebidozo]

33 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

If she eventually chooses me and we spend the rest of our lives together, wouldn't that make me her true life partner? In that case, wouldn't my actions now be seen as fighting for our future, rather than just being 'disrespectful' to someone who was meant to be a temporary part of her journey?

First of all, there is a big difference between honest fighting and treacherous backstabbing.

Second, the real question here is why would you want to make her your true life partner? She literally told you she needed six months of sex in a bed she shares with her partner to test you for sexual compatibility. Why would you want to be with a person who does that kind of thing?

[anonymousteller]

On 3/29/2026 at 11:12 PM, Sanch62 said:

Well, the time to walk away is long overdue.

You're right, it is long overdue. But as they say, better late than never.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, anonymousteller said:

I understand the saying. But how can you be so sure what the 'prize' will be?

What if the prize at the end of all this isn't a disaster, but finally being with my true love?

I really hope you are not that naive. 

It's way past time for you to grow up, man. 

[anonymousteller]

On 3/31/2026 at 11:35 PM, Gebidozo said:

On 3/31/2026 at 11:26 PM, anonymousteller said:

Actually, Gebidozo... I have decided to walk away.

That’s good.

When I said I decided to 'walk away,' I meant it quite literally. I am walking away from staying in their house because I agree with the members here that it is too risky and disrespectful. So, I’m living in my new private condo 300 meters away from their house.

[anonymousteller]

On 3/31/2026 at 11:43 PM, Gebidozo said:

First of all, there is a big difference between honest fighting and treacherous backstabbing.

Second, the real question here is why would you want to make her your true life partner? She literally told you she needed six months of sex in a bed she shares with her partner to test you for sexual compatibility. Why would you want to be with a person who does that kind of thing?

I admit it. You are right. What we do is dishonest and it's like a backstabbing. We are cowards and liars. I have no excuse for that.

But the reality in my part of Southeast Asia is not simple. It's not just 'break up and move on'. In my country, engagement is a very big thing. Our parents and elders must talk and agree together first. It is a formal social contract between families, not just a promise between two people.

Also, after she engaged, she moved to live with him. Everyone in our town knows they live together and have sex. In our traditional view, if she breaks up now, people will look at her like 'damaged goods' or a 'second-hand woman.' Her reputation will be gone forever.

We met after she already had a fiancé. She thinks I might be her 'true love,' but she must be 100% sure. In my culture, if she leaves him for me and we fail later, she can never go back. Her fiancé and his family will never take her back. She will have nothing—no husband and no dignity.

So this 6-month wait is not for fun or testing sex. It’s for certainty. She is keeping two men at the same time because she is very scared. If she loses both of us, she has no place in society. She wants to be sure about me before she destroys her whole life for me.

[anonymousteller]

On 4/1/2026 at 1:47 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

I really hope you are not that naive. 

It's way past time for you to grow up, man. 

Maybe the behaviors that define 'naive' and 'grow up' in your country and my country are different. But thanks, anyway.

[Gebidozo]

16 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

In our traditional view, if she breaks up now, people will look at her like 'damaged goods' or a 'second-hand woman.'

A tradition that disrespects, denigrates, and objectifies women or human beings in general to this degree is not something worth keeping. Sooner or later this mindset will die out and humans will regard it as yet another ugly remnant of the past, much like we regard slavery or cannibalism now.

 

21 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

In my culture, if she leaves him for me and we fail later, she can never go back. Her fiancé and his family will never take her back. She will have nothing—no husband and no dignity.

So this 6-month wait is not for fun or testing sex. It’s for certainty.

If this kind of perverse idea of dignity doesn’t disgust you, then I don’t think there is anything else to say here.

Regardless, it’s astonishing that you’re trying to justify her behavior by appealing to your tradition. Surely you realize that cheating and having sex with two men is an even less traditional behavior than breaking up with a fiancé? Then why the strange mental gymnastics?

[ExpatInItaly]

33 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

Maybe the behaviors that define 'naive' and 'grow up' in your country and my country are different. But thanks, anyway.

Nah. You're just looking for a convenient excuse to continue your own selfish behaviour. 

[anonymousteller]

On 4/7/2026 at 12:54 AM, Gebidozo said:

A tradition that disrespects, denigrates, and objectifies women or human beings in general to this degree is not something worth keeping. Sooner or later this mindset will die out and humans will regard it as yet another ugly remnant of the past, much like we regard slavery or cannibalism now.

 

If this kind of perverse idea of dignity doesn’t disgust you, then I don’t think there is anything else to say here.

Regardless, it’s astonishing that you’re trying to justify her behavior by appealing to your tradition. Surely you realize that cheating and having sex with two men is an even less traditional behavior than breaking up with a fiancé? Then why the strange mental gymnastics?

I hear you, and honestly, it hurts to read your comments because I agree with you more than you think.

Do you really think I enjoy this? Do you think I want the woman I love to be with two men at the same time? I don’t. I begged her to break up with him first. I wanted a clean start, a 'Western-style' breakup. But she refused. She was terrified of the social fallout and the financial burden on her family.

I am trapped between my love for her and a tradition that I also find suffocating. I am not the mastermind here; I am just a man trying to hold onto someone he loves while everything around him feels like it’s falling apart.

[anonymousteller]

On 4/7/2026 at 1:10 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

Nah. You're just looking for a convenient excuse to continue your own selfish behaviour. 

You're absolutely right. I won't even try to deny it anymore. It is selfish behavior.

I accept all your criticism. I know what I'm doing isn't right by any standard. But the truth is simple: I love her, and I'm just not ready to lose her—at least not right now. I'd rather be a selfish man with her than a good man without her.

[ExpatInItaly]

19 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

But the truth is simple: I love her,

You realize that she doesn't love you though, right?