Should I keep going, or is it time to walk away?

[anonymousteller]

On 3/20/2026 at 2:57 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

It's not going to end the way you want. 

You might be right that this won't end the way I want. Honestly, I think about that every day.

[ExpatInItaly]

49 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

f we waited six months without sex, and she finally left him only to realize later that I couldn't satisfy her needs the way he did, it would be a point of no return.

 This is an astoundingly awful way to treat someone (him) You don't get to sexually test-drive other people while you are in a relationship. 

It's also exceedingly immature. Adults break up with people when the relationship isn't working. They break up before they cheat, and yes, there is a risk they might find out the alternative wasn't great. But you know what? That is what grown-ups do and deal with. The above is just you and her giving yourselves pretty crappy hall passes to keep doing what you are doing. 

42 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

Why is it better to destroy that world with the truth right now?

You cannot seriously be that clueless. 

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

28 minutes ago, anonymousteller said:

You might be right that this won't end the way I want. Honestly, I think about that every day.

As you should. That way it won't be such a shock when it all falls apart. 

[anonymousteller]

On 3/20/2026 at 6:13 AM, Acacia98 said:

Look, the fact that there's something wrong with this woman's relationship (there must be; otherwise, she would be doing everything in the world to protect it) is entirely separate from her decision to have regular sex with you. In an ideal world, she would stop sleeping with you and focus on determining whether her relationship was worth salvaging or not. She's not going to die if she stops sleeping with you. You're not going to disappear in a puff of smoke if you stop getting together with her. 

You are right—there is definitely something wrong with their relationship. The problems started when his job moved him away, leaving them together only 2 days a week instead of 7. She was left with a deep void for those 5 days of silence and distance. Having me there is simply the way she chose to fill that void and manage the problems that were already there.

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, anonymousteller said:

In my view, sex is a crucial part of studying someone's character and compatibility. How can she make a life-changing decision to leave a nearly 10-year relationship without knowing if we truly fit together in every aspect, including sex?

If we waited six months without sex, and she finally left him only to realize later that I couldn't satisfy her needs the way he did, it would be a point of no return. To me, this trial period is the only way for her to be 100% sure before she officially ends things.

You appear to be desperately grasping at straws, attempting to justify her behavior with astoundingly unethical remarks.

Yes, sex is a crucial part of studying someone’s character and compatibility, but that study is conducted after having disengaged from the previous relationship.

Doing it methodically and continuously while still being in a relationship with someone else reeks of selfishness, calculated cynicism, and an atrophied moral sense.

 

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, anonymousteller said:

You are right—there is definitely something wrong with their relationship. The problems started when his job moved him away, leaving them together only 2 days a week instead of 7. She was left with a deep void for those 5 days of silence and distance.

And you are seriously consider getting together with a person who can’t handle being alone for 5 days a week and starts cheating in cold blood to “fill the void”?

 

[BaileyB]

19 hours ago, anonymousteller said:

I see it differently. Pain is a feeling, and if he doesn't know anything, he doesn't feel any pain. In his world, he is a happy man with a fiancé he loves. Why is it better to destroy that world with the truth right now?

I think the pain you are talking about is actually what you imagine he would feel because you know the truth. But for him, at this moment, there is no pain. If we wait six months and she stays with him, he will never have to be hurt by any of this. To me, that seems more merciful than causing a mess right away.

If the roles were reversed, how would you feel about staying with a woman who had another relationship with another man. Would you find not “merciful” if they chose to keep the truth of your relationship a secret - the fact that your relationship and your life was not what you assumed it to be… that you did not actually have a faithful and trustworthy partner who was equally committed to building a life and future together?

You can spin this however you like - and clearly you want to - but willfully ignorance is not how I choose to live my life… there is a serious lack of authenticity, integrity, and moral character here. 

Edited Sunday at 02:23 PM by BaileyB

[BaileyB]

8 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Would you find not “merciful”

Sorry, I meant to say would you find it merciful?