Constantly Ghosted by Same Woman

[roryrogers69]

So this one has some history so it's a bit winded but I could really use some advice please as I'm beyond stumped and think about it all the time. 

So back in late 2021, I was fresh fresh out of a 9 year marriage. I get a random follow request on Instagram.  I look at the profile and it's this cute girl. Profile actually looks legit and I notice she follows a few mutual acquaintances so I accept. She sends me a message within an hour and we get to talking. At the time she was 20, I was 28 (now 25 and 33). Turns out she lives a couple of hours away, my profile popped up in her suggested friends and she liked what she saw so reached out. Something clicked right away with her to me and I could tell this was something maybe special starting. 

We talk quite a bit for the first week. Her replies were quick then after a week, her replies took longer and longer. Then I wouldn't get a reply for a day or two. I'm like whatever, people get busy. After a few days she'd check in and have a conversation for a bit then go silent for a few days. She did this for a month. I was down in her area a few times and tried to meet up to meet her but could never get her to commit or she'd reply after I was already long gone back home. Then she gave me her number and said to text her as it's usually easier. We talked by text for a few days and then all of a sudden dead silence. Never heard anything back. I was really bummed out as I was really getting into her. 

Couple of months later in early 2022, I start dating someone so I removed her off Instagram out of respect. Occasionally she'd pop into my mind but that's about it. 

In summer 2023, I was at a concert with a buddy on the floor and literally walk right into her. She instantly recognizes me and gets all excited and says hi.... this was the first time meeting her in person. She asks if her and her friend can stand with us. I say sure no problem. Chat with her a bit during the show but kept it very/strictly friendly as I was still in the relationship with the person I started dating in early 2022. After the show she messages me and says it was great to see me. I say you too. She sends me a few more messages about random stuff and then goes silent. Never heard from her after that. 

Back in April 2025, I was in a really rough spot in my relationship (like really rough... being physically and mentally abused) and admitely started thinking about her. I send her a follow request on Instagram again as well as Snapchat. She almost immediately accepts the Instagram one (but didnt accept Snapchat) and sends me one back. I reach out and just say hey how's it going etc. She replies, we occasionally chat back and forth a little about life but it doesn't go much further than that. She was her typical taking a day or two to reply. After a week communication goes silent.  

Around June 2025, I message her and say "hey hope all is well". She replies back the next day basically asking what's going on with my relationship. She wanted to know my intentions and where I was with it. I explained a bit what was going on, I was ending it because it was toxic etc. She says how sorry she is that I'm going thru that and hopefully I can get it figured out and she had a feeling something like that was going on and totally understood. Never heard a word after that from her. 

Then a month later out of the blue she accepts my Snapchat request. Sends me a few normal life snaps one evening and chats for 15 minutes then goes silent. Don't hear from her again however I could see her viewing my stuff on Instagram. 

Shortly after this, I decide to leave my relationship as I finally had enough. Around this time I also noticed she unfollowed me on Instagram but kept me as a follower. 

In September 2025, I'm at another concert with my buddy and I look over and see her sitting with her sister like 15 seats down. What are the odds. After the show, I message her and tell her how I saw her and how close we were and she says I should have come said hello and talked to her. Ends up chatting with me for 3 hours that night and then kept up consistent conversation for the next 2 weeks which wasn't normal but a very refreshing change.

One night she messages me and invites me out to a pub with her and her friends so I tag along. We hang out, hit it off really well. After the pub closes, she's supposed to go back to her friends that night but wanted to go for a drive with me to hang out and had a few drinks so she asks me to drive her to her friends at the end of the night. I happily agree. We go for a drive, chat, listen to music etc. I go to drop her off and she says let's go drive more. So we do. Eventually we go back to her friends to drop her off and I walk her to the door to make sure she gets inside safe. She gives me a huge hug and says thank you and talk to you later.

I get home to see a message from her saying how she had a great time and we definitely need to hang out again very soon. I'm like wow this is finally going somewhere. We chat for the next 30 mins then she stops replying. I don't end up hearing from her for a week. Keep in mind I sent a couple messages just checking in with no reply. Finally after the week she replies apologizing saying shes been busy as she's buying a place and going to be moving and works been hectic etc. I'm like hey no problem at all! 

Over the next couple of weeks she'd chat on and off but it was always consistent conversation.  During this time she tells me that she's working late most evenings and I'm welcome to stop by her work anytime as she's the only one there typically (I never did as the few times I was in the area, she wasnt there). She also mentioned she was going to a concert coming up in November 2025 and I should buy the ticket beside her and her friend so we can hang out. Unfortunately I went to get the ticket but it was already gone. 

We continued to chat on and off, she'd do her typical day or two to respond; sometimes 3 or 4. During this time frame, she removed me off Snapchat. I asked about it and was told she removed a ton of people as she doesn't use it much. Then she went silent at the beginning of November 2025. Two weeks go by and nothing. Since I couldn't get the ticket beside her to the concert , I didn't go. The night of the concert I text her and ask how it is. She replies right away and we chat for hours. She tells me how she just moved into her new place and I should come over the next evening and check it out and see her. I'm like absolutely so we make plans. She tells me to aim for 5pm but she'll confirm a set in stone time in the morning. I'm like perfect. She tells me she's really excited to see me and is really looking forward to it.

That's the last time I heard from her. I texted her mid day the next day touching base to see if 5pm still worked. No reply. Tried calling around 5, no answer. 

Ive shot her a few texts since then wishing her happy birthday etc with no reply. A few weeks ago I sent her a message on Instagram as she still has me as a follower that said I'd love to see her and invited her to a concert. She viewed it almost a week later but no reply. It's been almost 4 months since I've heard from her. 

I don't understand.... she literally made plans for me to come over then told me how excited she was to see me..... then never spoke to me again. 

Would love some opinions or insight here llease as it's still bugging me big time and kinda eating me alive inside.... it just doesn't make any sense to me. Why invite me over then ghost?

[ExpatInItaly]

She's an attention-seeking flake. 

I am rather shocked you were still giving her the time of day, honestly.  She sounds not single, rather nuts, seeing several guys at once..maybe a combo of all three. Whatever the case, she's taking up way too much rent in your mind. 

Please forget about her. She's been wasting your time since the very beginning. 

[Sony12]

Yeah her reaction really isn't that uncommon. She probably talks to lots of men like that but ends up dating or becoming involved with very few of them. As the poster above said she is probably more interested in getting attention from men then she is in actually dating any one of them. 

After thinking about it for a bit when she invited you over to her place she probably decided she didn't want it to turn into anything physical so that is why she poofed on you immediately after giving you an invitation to come over to her house.

Lots of young people are like this.

[Gebidozo]

Clearly, she was just exploring options and never intended to have any romantic relationship with you.

She probably shouldn’t have ghosted you, but my guess is that she just found someone she liked romantically and then thought ghosting you would be the least painful way out of the predicament. Not very polite, I know, but it happens.

You’re taking it too seriously, and you invested way too much into that girl.

[Sony12]

26 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Clearly, she was just exploring options and never intended to have any romantic relationship with you.

She probably shouldn’t have ghosted you, but my guess is that she just found someone she liked romantically and then thought ghosting you would be the least painful way out of the predicament. Not very polite, I know, but it happens.

You’re taking it too seriously, and you invested way too much into that girl.

Perhaps she found someone else but chances would be slim that if she were dating someone already she would have given him an invitation to come over to her place. Knowing how many guys view an invitation to a ladies home she probably just decided in the few hours in-between her inviting him and him trying to confirm the invite she just decided that that wasn't what she wanted from the situation.

[ShyViolet]

What's not to understand?  She had a pattern of this behavior the whole time you knew her.  In reading your post I've lost count of how many times she ghosted you, stopped talking to you for periods of time, stopped replying to your messages.  She was always extremely flaky and would disappear without explanation, only to randomly pop up later.  It sounds like she has probably been seeing multiple other people.  You are the one who should have recognized her low interest and flaky behavior way earlier, and stopped trying so hard with this girl.  When someone has a very low level of interest in you, and shows that by not bothering to reply to messages, you don't keep pursuing them.  

11 hours ago, roryrogers69 said:

That's the last time I heard from her. I texted her mid day the next day touching base to see if 5pm still worked. No reply. Tried calling around 5, no answer. 

Ive shot her a few texts since then wishing her happy birthday etc with no reply. A few weeks ago I sent her a message on Instagram as she still has me as a follower that said I'd love to see her and invited her to a concert.

Why on earth were you continuing to call, text and even instagram message someone who wasn't replying to you?  Don't lose your self-respect by chasing after someone who hasn't bothered to reply.  Do you really want to put yourself in a position of desperation like that?  The first time they don't bother to reply to you, they are sending you a message that they have a low level of interest in you, and that you aren't worth their time.  Why would you even text them again after that.  Have more self respect than that.

[petee]

Move on, she’s a social butterfly that is not into you.